Hey guys, I needed a place to share my thoughts. So I decided to share a few things about myself that need attention.
It began when I was around nine. I was pretty happy, I had friends, family, and everything was always the way they should have been back in the Philippines. That was, until my parents divorced. I didn't understand what was going on, I was confused and naive. When my mom said that we (my mom, older brother, and I) were moving to America I was kinda thrilled. I learned English over my native Tagalog/Ilongo and I was preparing for life in the United States. I always used to watch "Hey Arnold" and noticed how much different American were. There were no internet cafes stocked with every PC game, no jeepneys, no festivals, and I remember how bitterly cold it was that day. I never felt cold like that when I first stepped onto this soil.
When we got here she married my first stepdad. I never liked him. He was the one who destroyed the word "father' for me. Everyday he'd abuse not only my mom but also my brother, who in turn abused me. He'd beat me, try to cut my throat, choke me, tell me how stupid I was, and you know what else? He prayed for my very existence... So I was a human punching bag for most of the first half of my life. He's still a bigot and still treats me like I don't know anything.
Another divorce later we moved to Vancouver Washington, it was around 5th grade for me and I wasn't looking forward to a new father, or this new town. I like the town, I didn't like my current stepdad. With my last stepfather I could actually relate to him. No doubt that I was his favorite "son." But in some aspects my current stepdad is worse than him. I cannot relate to him whatsoever. He likes football, sports, and his other sons more than me. I like video games, writing, and technology. When we communicate it seems like he's from a primitive planet outside the solar system. I've tried to relate to him, but I could never form a bond. My brother became more abusive and took out his anger on me more often. He bottled it up and finally snapped, twice. And from there on I don't ever want to see his face again.
My mom is controlling and manipulating. She brainwashed me into believing everything she says. Now for the most part most of it is correct. But she told me never to get a girlfriend, never think that your biological father will ever love you, and she said that no matter what I did she always knew. The latter seemed extremely believable because she always knew what I was doing. I couldn't hide anything. That was until I started to practice my acting and concealment techniques. I've kept up a facade for five years and she still doesn't know much about me, aside from a few leaks. Because of this omnipresence I became quite paranoid. I couldn't trust her or anyone else in my family. She is also one who never breaks a promise. And when I enrolled in Tae Kwon Do she promised that she'd make it to my green belt test...
...She never came, no one did...
That was when I learned that they don't give a shit about me. Another thing my parents don't do is pay for any medical insurance. I've told them not once, twice, but THREE times that I was depressed; and did they do anything?: NO! They won't pay a cent for therapy or counseling and they just say, "Suck it up, you don't need it." You know how much that enrages me? AFTER I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF WITH A BLACK WIDOW THEY STILL DIDN'T TREAT ME! My mom even called me a failure... I learned that I could never trust them.
I learned that lifelong friends like Sytex will always be there for me. Will you guys help? I've recently learned that I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder along with my nagging Depression and Aspergers Syndrome. How screwed up of a combination is that? I thank you all for taking time out of your day to read this. I knew I could count on my fellow furs...
