ghost's history

[PhantomStone]

(ps i'm writing this as i go, i never wrote this before so what you see, i wrote and came up with as i posted)

Trish, a young girl of only 15, walked down the street, she was a regular kid in a regular town in a boring county. she has been living here for aslong as she could remember. she was about 5' 5" in height, brown hair, a regular 15 year old girl. she had a mom and a dad, and an older brother. out of all the people in the world she loved her brother the most, he looked out for her, and she did the same, they both lived by a very strong belief in life, friends come and go but family is forever . they lived by that saying all there lives. when someone or thing was hurting trish her bro would come and save her, when he was in trouble, she never could, she was 3 years younger than her bro, she could never help him, he was bigger, faster, stronger, smarter than she was, if he couldn't win, there was no way in life she could help.

i say this last part because thats what happened, during the surge, a few months later magic was every where, her brother grew 3 feet, sprouted horns, got thicker skin. he changed into a meta human sub group, called a troll, while trish was still herself a human. people reacted badly to the sudden change, a few years before, elfs and dwarfs, came to the world, they were born diffrent, cute littlf elfs and dwarfs didn't cause a panic. but when goblinization occured, and half of the human population, was transformed into big strong almost ugly snarling orcs and trolls, bad things happened. some orcs were taken to an internment camp and never seen again, some trolls were carted off to some goverment base. some times worse stuff happened, forced by the new image of trolls, trish's bro stayed home.

until on day when trish was walking to the market at night, she got stopped and was attacked by a gang of orcs, she was scared, she cryed out, hoping for a meriacle, when out of the darkness, her brother came a running, smashing into the gangers, protecting his sister. this would be his last action before death.

 he almost had the jerks beaten when a soldier from the army, saw this he called for back up, ugly metahuman freaks causing trouble, and soon the whole square was filled with the army, all shooting at the troll, and orcs, they didn't shoot for the girl, she was a human, and in a matter of seconds, her brother fell to the ground, torn and bloody... everything was gone, she was on a white plane, all she saw was her brother lieing on the cold cement bleeding and dieing, her heart ripped in half, "NOOOOO" she cryed, to her ears the sound echoed forever, bouncing off of nothing, all sound was gone, everything was silent, only he pain remained, she knew she would give up everything to save her brother.

when she was younger, she had heard about gods, how there was one for every need, that was what she learned, and what she belived, now she called silently apon ixlander the god of wishes and dreams, also calling upon his steed of beauschiplis the god of luck, "please save my brother, i'll be a slave for all eternity, you want me to go to hell and back i will, you want me to cease to exist right now, i will, please i'd give up everything for him" she wispered the last part. begging with her eternal soul to make them hear her plea

 when she opened her eyes she saw the same white feild, but now there was a shining god in golden armor riding upon a horse as black as the void, thease were the gods she had called upon. " why do you call upon us mortal" the great golden god asked

trish was in awe, but she knew this would be her only chance to save her brother "please o mighty ixlander and beauciphlis please, i will do anything to save my brother, i will be your humble slave for all eternity if my brother can live again" she bowed to the gods, her voice shaking badly, tears falling into oblivion

"alex, we could always tourture her for amusement" the dark horse said stoticaly looking down his snout at the scrap of life in front of him

trish paled, but said nothing, she would suffer, but her brother would be saved "i'll do anything please" she pleaded

"hmmm we can always send her to hell to wallow in all the evil souls for a few melinea" ixlander said coldly looking as menasingly as his horse

trish's instincs were to run away as fast and as far as she could go, and she would have, if her brother had not been on the line "please i will serve as you wish" she said again "i won't go back what ever you wish of me i will do it, please just save him" she sobbed

beausphilis lookd over at the golden god, smiling and nodding, they had found her worthy of gifts. ixlander smiled and got down and walked over to the human girl, he kneeled down and looked her in the face "we can tell you would do anything you could to save your brother, if you agree to serve us, we will save him, and put you in a new world, one better than this one, you can travel back and forth between the worlds, whenever you need to" the golden god said, standing up and moving back

the dark god walked over to the troll, and blew gently on his broken body, as time streched on the troll healed and was as good as new, "child step forward" the horse commanded

trish got up and walked shakily to the 2 gods, she bowed

"from now on your name is phantom falcon, you are an angel and a ghost" "your job is to spread peace over a new world, this world... well it might be to late, but it's not for others""fulfill this for us and your brother will live, we will call you when we need you, we'll keep in touch 'ghost'" the golden god said

ghost looked around as a golden and dark light swamped over her, changing her, her hair bleaching silver, a green tint in the front, silver and green wings sprouting from her back, her eyes leached of color. The white room faded away, replaced by darkness, her brother, and her in the void, alone, in the deepest reaches of space, with out a sound they started getting used to this new life, visiting worlds here and there, neither of them aging gett still staying an 18 year old troll, and ghost staying the 15 year old angel who was a ghost, after a period of time, fixing and repairing worlds where ever they found them. then they came upon a new world of furs and scale, and humans all living in more or less peace, "want to work here" ghost smirked opening a rift to the world, "like you could leave me behind" gett the troll said stepping through, followed by phantom falcon, the angel ghost, "i'll make a diffrence this time" she wipered diving into the new world

[Somebody]

You what, I must say Im pleasantly suprised at how well this turned out. The story it entertaining to read and just mihght be your best yet, it is kinda sad what happens to her brothers but at least all is somewhat well at the end.

Officially the sentence structure and such are pretty sound, with few spelling errors in there

Keep it up

[Devault]

Hm, not bad, not bad at all ^^

Sentence structure is decent, though it still could use some Capitals to help clarify a few things...  I like the different colored text to determine which God is speaking, that's a good addition as well.

Other than the capitals and a few spelling problems, I can't find much wrong with this one. And remember, if I have to nitpick on small things like that, it means you've done a great job and I can't find anything else to nag about

[PhantomStone]

lol srry i keep changing lol

duo came online. her dark metal helmit visor flickering to life.

"very good, she shows the signs we predicted" a white figure said over her

"but will it do what you promised doctor stone" a dark human in military uniform said scowling at the hunk of metal on the table

"it will it will" the doctor said nerviously, calling duo an it in his nerves

"i'll be back in a week, i expct it to fight" the dark man said laconicly

"but sir something this advanced-" the doctor started before he got cut off.

"a week" he turned and said again walking out

"um" was all the doctor said fading off as, the fact that there was no one else in the room he could talk to. to his knolege
duo looked around her camera eyes scanning the area, she expirmentaly brought up a hand to her face as she sat up

"oh hello" the doctor said to duo truning around, and backing away a bit he was scared of her, but she didn't know that. "i'm doctor stone, you are megaduse # 1" he said matter of factly to his new charge. he waited "well say something child"

duo paused, she didn't know what to say, she was here, that was all new right now, and her name

"uggg this is going to be a long week" the doctor groaned rubbing his face tiredly. "ok first off, you are a mecha, a robot, you have a human brain but no memories, and aparently you are stupid"

duo still said nothing, not comprending much of what he was saying

the doctor sighed heavily and started typing on the computer console near him, he had to get this mecha ready to fight in 168 hours, not enough time. "lets get started duo"

**** after i get a reply i'll add more like a story, other wise it would take like a few pages length to go over a week of training and hyper learning****

[Somebody]

More interesting parts to your story, keep it up. More people really need to come and read it.

And here is your reply that you need

[PhantomStone]

much abliged tezz, thanks, we got to get some ppl reading ure back groung, that was cool to read  (ok this is going to be a little diffrent so i'll get some good practice with writing like this, warning: the grammer ahead is intenbtional- duo is just learning on the first day)

day 1

hello. i an duo megaduse... thee doctoor twold me that i will have to write evry day fwom now oonn, "it will speed your learning" he wod say and gwve me a new data wog. my trawing goos slow, says my master. as ov now ive been owwnn for 26 howers, and have learned the basics of my flight, it somthing i made with, and the basics of my weapons, that is what the doc cwlled them and the basics of talking and witing like wrte now here. 10 howers of the day is spend in phywicle woking, like with the weapons. i dwn't wike that word. but i mwst learn. 5 howers are spwent on woking on my body, it tickles (the docwer told me the namw of the fweeling) to wok on my dermal sheild ha ha. the doc said i nweeded sensory to wearn, i guess it does. the owther 9 howers, my mastwer sweeps, he said he need rest, he also said i do to, i think he wite. whil he in sleep. i in swleep mode, while hooked up to a cwomputer i learn stuff, wike the basics of writing, and nucwear fsics. well i cant inngoree the awarm to wise, so i wll wite more tomaro.

[Devault]

No worries about changing it ^^

I still hold my place with capitals, since more of them would give it a more proffessional feel (and make Duo's writing moer unproffessional) and make it seem more like a book that a chat log ^^

Though is this in place of what you originally wrote?

[PhantomStone]

hey no reason to make a new topic, it's all my history, it just changes lol,

day 2

hello, it's duo again. Umm today i leard more in the way of wording and flight. The doctor seems pweased with my progresss. 8 hours werw  deedicated to woking on areial menevrs, he swad i was gowing to lead air ships into bwattle. 4 howers were spent on body work, the doc says soown i'll be ablew to fix anything. 4 howers were spent on weapons work, my beam cannon can pack a punch. 8 howers are now gonna be spent now in moar learning, uggg sometimes, i wish i didn't have to fight, learning is fun i like to learn, but fighting dosen't seem to... i don't know but it dosen't feel right. I am learining in leaps and bounds here, but there always seems to be somethingh over the horizon, i don't know... i must goo, i must compleet the newxt lession, why do i have this feeling.