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Author Topic: Havok's Comedy Thread  (Read 2554 times)

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Offline NautilusWolf

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Havok's Comedy Thread
« on: March 17, 2015, 11:29:40 PM »
*walks up to the mic nervously* Hey everyone, people tell me I'm funny a lot, and I thought I'd give it a test run here. While I do a lot of impressions I can't share through text, I have some other alternative material. Please offer POSITIVE FEEDBACK ONLY!!! Thanks! ^_^


In case you didn't know, I'm a Hell Hound. Yeah, these aren't little shish-kebab skewers on my head, oh no. Well, enough about that, and- HEY. YOU! WITH THE FUR! My eyes are down here! Better stick to porn, cause you can't see the horn, bud! You know, being the hound that works in hell, it's not what you think. Yeah. It's actually kinda like a retirement home. Hahahahaha! You think I'm kidding?!? Ed Gein has a knitting circle, in the wrath circle of hell. Yeah, circle-caption! Jeffery Dammher has a cooking show, where he EATS THE OTHER CEREAL KILLERS. *picks teeth with a toothpick* Not bad actually... But seriously, can you believe that? Jack the Ripper, yes, JACK THE RIPPER has an interpretive dance studio. Meh, gotta have hobbies other than killing people, right? He's doing a new version of Swan Lake called Iron Stake. He just kinda dances as he stabs people with a railroad spike. It's funny at first, then it's sad, but then it's funny again. It's the tutu, I swear. Makes him the most elegant killer there! Hell is like a "where are they now?" episode for serial killers.nyou DO NOT WANT to see what Vlad the Impaler is doing... He's made a reality prank show called "Impal'd." He literally just runs around stabbing people and shouting, "YOU JUST GOT IMPAL'D!!!" *facepalm* Hell is either a retirement home, or frat house. I hated my job.


Speaking of crappy jobs, I used to work at McDonalds after that. People would ask for all this crazy stuff, "I want pickles with no pickles add sour cream Mac sauce and the right to your first born child." I'm on the table, meaning I make the food. When I see some complicated order like that, I'm like LADY. MAKE IT YO SELF! Yep. That way. Y'all may not know it, but I go ghetto real quick. Like, bust out the ghetto grammar. If I could talk back, I'd say something a little like this...
Ahem. "WHAT DA HEK IZ RONG WIFF YOO?!? YOO BETTUR KOME IN DIS HIZZY AND MAKE IT YO DAMN SELF FOO. RESPEC'."
You see, I can connect with the younger generation. What? I am the you ger generation? We're doomed. We just are. If they didn't know, and this is a true story from my old us history teacher's well of idiotic students from this year, that France was in Europe. You know what, I'm so done, my comedy act is over. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be reserving my tickets for Iron Stake II: Season's Rippings.
Goodnight everybody!
« Last Edit: April 27, 2015, 05:37:51 AM by Havok the Hell Hound »
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Offline Trixsie Vixen

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Re: Club Caitey: Comedy Thread
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2015, 04:04:10 AM »
*whistles* XD XD

Thank you Caitey!  Ladies and Gentlefurs let's hear it for Caitey the Hell Hound!  And Hey!

Speaking of McDonalds I was in the drive-thru the other day and it was taking forever!  Eventually this woman comes up to the window and she's incredibly fat and stressed looking and she hands me my meal and says "here's your order, sorry about the wait" and just smiled and said "don't feel bad about the weight sweetie it's probably a glandular thing"

Thank you everyone, you've been a great audience, I'm here all week, try the fish.

*waves and runs off stage*
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Offline Grovygrunge

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Re: Club Caitey: Comedy Thread
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2015, 11:37:53 PM »
Gotta say that was actually pretty funny in my opinion
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Offline NautilusWolf

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Re: Club Caitey: Comedy Thread
« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2015, 12:42:30 AM »
Trixsie West ,everyone! X3


I'm glad somebody liked it. X3
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Re: Club Caitey: Comedy Thread
« Reply #4 on: April 27, 2015, 05:36:42 AM »
Honestly I'm not afraid of identity theft because I literally have nothing anybody wants. Go on, steal my terrible credit score! *pukes nervously*
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Offline NautilusWolf

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Re: Havok's Comedy Thread
« Reply #5 on: April 27, 2015, 05:45:05 AM »
Ummm... WHAT? o.O
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Re: Havok's Comedy Thread
« Reply #6 on: April 27, 2015, 05:50:29 AM »
It was mostly for my comedy, but whatever I guess...
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Offline Crest Is Dead ((For Now))

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Re: Havok's Comedy Thread
« Reply #7 on: April 29, 2015, 03:07:07 PM »
Woooooooo havok that made me laugh and very few people do that. Congrats dude you got a great talent.  XD
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Offline NautilusWolf

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Re: Havok's Comedy Thread
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2015, 03:17:55 PM »
Really...? Thanks!!! I've got more coming since the recent views. I'll add more soon! ^~^
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Re: Havok's Comedy Thread
« Reply #9 on: April 29, 2015, 03:40:53 PM »
Yayyyyyyyyyyh w
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Offline NautilusWolf

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Re: Havok's Comedy Thread
« Reply #10 on: April 30, 2015, 02:38:20 PM »
This is kind of an extension of the last routine. So it's kinda like a 1.5? Yeah. 1.5.

You ever try to be quiet at night when your parents are asleep, and when you make that one fatal mistake of dropping something? You already know your parents are the opposite. If you're asleep, they will barge in like its friggin D-Day.

"WAKE UP WE'RE PINNED DOWN!!!"
._.

"What?" You'll ask groggily.

"WE'RE PINNED DOWN AND NEED SOMEONE TO CLEAN THE HOUSE!!!"

Really? At 3 IN THE FRIGGIN MORNING?!? Yep. It's sad but true. Speaking of Sad But True, what's with METALLICA coming out with a new album? I'm excited for Megadeth and Slayer, but dude. Metallica. You guys sold yourselves out on your fifth album!!! One of your songs on that album is a SUMMARY of your futures!!! Sad But True. And don't even get me started on the whole napster thing. *rolls eyes*

"hey mayun, we're metallicuh, we worked hella hard for that money." Yeah Lars. You did. Now you're freaking rich and yet $1 for a song CLEARLY impacts your financial status. -_-

I'm probably the only one who got that joke. XD

I know y'all heard the whole serial killer joke, but here's another take. What if, now stay with me here, what if Ed Gein had a children's book?
"Hi mr Gein! What are we gonna do today?"

"...WE'RE GONNA MAKE A MASK."

"Oh boy! Out of paper mâché, wood, or-" this is when Ed Gein just stone cold looks him in the eyes wearing a mask,

"YOUR FAMILY."
The kid would be all "O_O," and Gein would be wearing his mom's face or some crap.

"It's okay Jimmy... WE CAN PLAY PRETEND."


And we could have Jeffery Dammher like, have a health food book.

"Are those humans gluten free? I can't have gluten or carbs."

You know what? I need a more honorable occupation. I will become a children's book writer! The first will be "My family slaughtered your family!" It has good, wholesome family values like a family that hides a body together, stays together. I bet you're thinking "HAVOK!!! You sick HellHound!!!"

Why thank you! ^~^ I baked Satan some chocolate chip cookies. They were actually raisin. I ended up with a promotion that day. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have more cookies to bake. MUAHAHAHAHAAA!!!
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Offline Trixsie Vixen

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Re: Havok's Comedy Thread
« Reply #11 on: April 30, 2015, 02:48:28 PM »
Cookies with raisins are **censor** evil! XD XD


Wicked Hellhound!
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Offline Crest Is Dead ((For Now))

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Re: Havok's Comedy Thread
« Reply #12 on: May 04, 2015, 10:53:07 AM »
You are awesome  XD
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Offline Grovygrunge

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Re: Havok's Comedy Thread
« Reply #13 on: May 04, 2015, 02:23:51 PM »
^


This is truth
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