I Cant Girlfriend

[Cinder42]

This is less of a rant I guess and less looking for advice as much as really want in to see if other people feel this way at all or if im just some kind of bizarre, affectionately challenged monster. And this is going to be long, because I feel like this can be very easily misinterpreted and I really don't want it to be so im going to explain it seven ways to Sunday to hopefully narrow it down.


Im not sure this whole "official relationship" thing is for me. I mean, its not an Asexuol thing, I still have strong feelings towards those around me, but every time I've been in a relationship ive wanted out the second I agree to it. I think it may just be the amount of wieght the title of "girlfriend" carries. I feel like im happiest just in a group of really close friends, the kind you're so close too that it's almost vaguely romantic all around but not completely. I have that and it's wonderful, the problem arises when I do get in a committed relationship. Its not the stakes of commitment or being tied down that im worried about. Im worried about how things change when you start dating. Things are different, you seem to, or at least are expected to act differently. Its not all fun and games with everyone anymore, you're in a RELATIONSHIP now, go sit in the corner and make out or something. I think some of the best examples are these.

In the begining of my current relationship, I invited my boyfriend and my whole squad over to hang out, whatch Netflix, and eat food. I turned on my favorite comedian to show to everyone and the squad was laughing the whole time. My boyfriend on the other hand kept touching his nose to mine and looking at me and wanting to kiss and such as couples do. I awkwardly went along with it, sometimes having to apologize for lauphing into his lips because of what the comedian was saying. But at one point as he was looking at me he chuckled and said, "I really havn't been paying attention to anything on screen this whole time." It was really sweet, but I honestly had half a mind to stand up, grab the remote and rewind the show so he could. It was all really sweet and magical for any girl, just not for me. Every time he says "I love you" and we get into an "i love you more" back and forth in a text I cringe a little, not because I dont like it but because id rather be having a conversation about something, a discussion, a debate.

Im fine with being in relationships and really do feel strongly for everyone ive ever been in one with, I guess I just wish that it were less couple-y. Relax, just be casuol. It's a label, not a symbol of complete and utter change. As soon as this starts in a relationship and someone says "i love you" im usuolly ready to bail. Its not that im not into you or dont want you in my life, i just want to go back to being fun, mildly sexuol friends with everybody. I do love you, but I love everybody. Stop making everything so serious. I am probobly the least romantic creature in all of highschool and I cant keep up with you, in fact you're very intimidating. The problem is that, at least of the people I know, few share this opinion. I dont want to be sequestered in a corner with my significant other and all the expectations of a couple, I just want to chill with the whole squad and lauph and joke around. I dont want to just sit and kiss and talk about how much we love each other I want to talk about things, rant pointlessly, hell, lets fight about something as long as intellectual progress is made!

Im probobly just young and immature and my opinions will change but for now and the past three years it hasnt. It's not so much that relationships dont work for me, people's expectations and requirement for relationships dont work for me. Id still rather be single though.

[Dr. Alka Wolf]

I think what you're referring to is how you want an open relationship. You have seem to want to "love" everyone and not one dedicated person, so just find yourself someone who is open to you having an open relationship and being "mildly sexual" with everyone. I sort of get where you're coming from, my previous boyfriend being in a closed relationship with me. It wasn't exactly nice to never have him around, and be expected to continue loving him as much as he wanted me to. So I broke up with him, and am looking for someone to be in an open relationship with. I mean, maybe the whole "relationship" thing in it's entirety doesn't sit well with you, but if it does kind of, finding an open relationship is a good start.


Also, maybe you should just tell people you get into a relationship with that you want it to be casual. A huge part of any loving relationship is communication. If you haven't already tried, attempt making it clear what you want out of a relationship before sealing the deal, as that may yield better results.


Hope this helps 


Thanks and have a wonderful day,
Dr. Alka P. Wolf

[Teiko]

I personally find the lubbydubby stuff to be weird if it's done constantly to the point where you're justa zombie who can't focus on anything else... But i can't really SHAME people for doing it because i did the exact same thing when i was younger . I will point out that based in personal experience, that behavior stems somewhat from having your mind in the wrong place... Overall though, it's NOT healthy in the long term if both people aren't participating in it, i think it's majorly awkward, and not wanting that doesn't necessarily mean you want an open relationship, not that there's anything wrong with that in the first place.