Am I a Bully?

[Firekitty]

Ok, so this girl who I go to school with cuts..She is a kinda friend to my Best friend's Girlfriend. While we were all at the bus stop..My friend and I, walked over to them, and my best friend and his GF started hugging. Then this girl tries intruding, saying that her and my friends GF already had plans, We had said nothing to her, She started kicking my Best friend, And complaining. Then she said "Wow what a good friend, Are you really letting him do that to me?" My friend said " Ok, you really need to shut up sometimes It's annoying" I added " ya" She started crying and said to my friends GF that she needed to talk about something serious. She didn't respond. After a few minutes the girl says "WOW, You're a really good friend, When I say I need to talk about something serious you completely ignore me!"
Now They aren't really good friends mind you, They got into multiple fights concerning my Best friend. So, to make the girl feel better, And Because I am pretty sure she was talking about ending her own life, I said to my Friends GF "Just go talk to her, I mean she does say it's serious." The girl responds with, while crying, "NO. IT'S OK IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK THAT'S FINE. SHE ISN'T EVEN A TRUE FRIEND, WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THEY NEED TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING SERIOUS YOU DON'T IGNORE THEM!" For the record, She has kicked us multiple times, calling US assholes. So, she cried, and we left. Now, Does this make me a bully? I want to say sorry that we didn't mean to make her feel bad, that we were angry, but I haven't had a chance yet.

[AlmarRaccoon]

I don't think you're a bully, I think that girl has a lot of built up stress and anxiety. You did the right thing by encouraging your friends GF to talk to her, but it would appear as if those girls don't get along anyway. I don't think you did anything wrong.

[WingedZephyr]

I don't fully understand the situation and the specifics of what's going on between you all, but it sounds like you could be at least a little more empathetic and patient towards this girl. Yes, she probably did things that were uncalled for, but when you're dealing with someone who physically harms themselves or threatens to do so, generally speaking, they are either seriously trying to give a call for help, or seeking attention, or some of both.

Whatever is going on with the girl that makes her do that to herself, she's dealing with some serious, intense negative emotions. She likely feels depressed, very alone, and like the world is out to get her. Small issues or confrontations that would not set off the average person to get upset would set her off because she's already hurt and upset all the time. The things she does that are mean or hurtful toward you or your friends are a defense mechanism to protect herself from feeling worse. Sometimes it's easier to hurt others and push them away rather than risk them hurting you first.



This is all more or less just speculation - I might be completely wrong. I just think it would be a lot more productive and kind to reach out to her when she is clearly suffering in some way. Emotional pain is real and overwhelming, and sometimes it makes people do stupid things. Don't brush her off as irrational or crazy by default, try to show that you care about her feelings, and (if you're comfortable with it) you could even go out of your way to ask how she's doing.

[Firekitty]

Thanks..I'll try to do that but tomorrow is the last day of school..And is only two hours long

[Nobi]

While I don't fully understand the specifics of the situation either, I think that an apology could go a long way toward helping her feel better. Sometimes that's all somebody wants/needs. And if her condition is this bad, apologies and thoughtfulness from others have likely been a rare occurrence in her life.

[Sirius]

I wouldn't call that bullying at all. I was bullied alot and have severe anxiety due to it. Bullying is when you actively seek out victims and hurt them to satisify your ego or emotional needs. All you did was agree with your friend and you even tried to tell his gf to talk to her so you're in the clear. Poor girl probably needed someone very badly and she got pushed away by the other girl. I always take things serious when i know someone has a history of self harm because as i know from personal experience it can easy turn into a suicide