The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: FurFlyer on February 12, 2009, 01:39:54 AM
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Hey all, Ive read DeviantDarkWolf's topic and its similar to my problem, same situation except no-one knows.. its getting to me a bit now because I really don't know what to do about it.. i wouldnt say im the most popular guy at school, im by no means hated, i hang around with say a group of 10-15, but if any one of them knew it would be known throughout the year in a day or two. Im guessing that one or two may be furs themselves, mainly because they never talk about girls or anything like I do, but i have no doubt in my mind that I would get stick for the rest of my life from my "friends" if they knew.
I mean you can say they arent real friends then, but to be honest, they are mates and even though they would do it, they wouldnt know what they were doing and how harmful it could be, I would say that half of them would stop if i told them it was and the other half would see this as another reason to do it more.
My family doesnt know either, but I think my parents may know, im really not sure, and I think my dad would be ok about it but my mum is pretty immature and would react exactly how i wouldnt want her to. Besides the fact i would be too embarrassed to tell them anyway, even though they would not be freaked out about it.
Im really stuck about this, it upsets me because I feel trapped but I dont know how much longer i can keep it a secret for, and fear that the consequences for letting people know could literally destroy my life.
Appreciate your time for reading the essay :)
Chris
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Thanks, and the way things go at the moment.. life could be pretty bad without them. And I would talk to those I think are furrys first like you said but I have a massive fear that they will either say what the hell are you talking about or react badly to it. Put it like this, theyre all good mates to have a laugh with but when you want a friend you can trust and share things with then none of them really fit the bracket.
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Maybe you should try looking for other friend(s). Not saying you should dump your old ones, but maybe start being open to people other than the ones you usually hang out with.
And I agree with Gothy about not telling your parents.
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Thanks for the advice.. there aren't too many people at my school now, theres about 3 groups.. and out of the 3 i would say im with the best one at the moment but I still wouldnt want to tell them.. its hard, because if i move away from them then I have to cope with them all day while im at school. would it be best to wait untill we all leave? but even then I would find it hard :\ What are your experiences of telling people.
Thanks :)
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The only person I've told is my mate, and he took it pretty well. He didn't really know what furries were to begin with, so I started by talking about furries in general, then told him I was one. Then later on he got more interested in it and became a furry himself. :P
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Yeah, I told a few people that I had added as contacts on MSN, starting off with those I knew least as practise lol. Then I told someone I actually knew, she used to work with me but went to Uni and we see each other every few months. I said I was bi and she was fine with that, then when I mentioned being a furry, and after I described what it was she was like "thats kinda weird" so i felt a bit embarrassed.. she said she wouldnt tell anyone though and I trust her. Its this kind of thing (on a larger scale) that im scared of and which stops me telling people, people who take it as strange and weird opposed to different. But she was fine with it which was good, and she doesnt know any of my school friends :D But I think that i'm going to stick to that for now.. ill probably tell more people in time, and I will probably always tell someone who adds me on MSN, but as for people I know then yeah, bury it and dig it up a long time from now..
Thanks for the advice btw :)
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I'm not good at explaing things to people, so when I told my friends, they still didn't completly understand, so I sent them to WikiFur, and they were all cool with it.^^
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wish i'd have seen that before :P
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Yea. It makes things way easier, because being a fur means diffrent things to diffrent people, so its kinda hard to explain.
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yeah thats exactly it.. and it makes things a lot harder when someone hints at it being weird because I get sort of a sense of guilt about it.. i dont know why but i do.
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Same here, its like some people are closed-minded, and I tend to stay away from those people because of my views on these things. You haven't done anything wrong, or hurt someone have you? You shouldn't feel guilt for who and what you are as long as you don't hurt someone. :)
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Are you talking about being a furry or being gay? It's kinda hard to tell from your post, but making it out to be such a big deal I can only imagine it as being gay, because I doubt most of the people at your table, let alone the whole school, knows what a furry is.
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im bisexual lol, but its the furry bit thats hardest.. ive told two people (who ive met in real life and dont see often) over msn about it.. one i told about being a furry and she didnt understand it then said it was weird.. i told another guy about it who i dont really speak to much (over msn again) and he was confused, i ask them to wikipedia it and straight away, every time i get.. "you think your an animal?!".. so i end up having to explain it anyway, which i dont like because its easy to give people the wrong impression.. but telling people im bi isnt too bad (even though again, i havent told anyone close), and everyone ive told has either said cool or admitted that they themeselves are bi..
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well my outlook on this is that your not comfortable to tell anyone close to you yet because you are afraid that they might reject you for being what your proud of being yourself, just be yourself and don't be afraid, because the worst thing that cantroll a person is fear and hatred, just tell them when you feel comfortable about it, but just be comfortable with yourself ^w^
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yeah you pretty much summed it up there, thanks :)
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Yeah i know exactly what you went through but iwas coming out of the closet fully ^w^ (I'm gay heh ^w^) and lets say i'm just lucky i got a pretty understanding family ^w^ who is very accepting too
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Yeah thats good then, But im not saying my family would hate me for it, they are an understanding bunch.. I.. A) think they would get the wrong idea about what it is, B) mention it too often for comfort or when i dont want them too, and C) do what every other person does when i've told them I was bi and constantly talk happy and patronisingly at me.. which i HATE.. people who just used to talk normal before will be like this now..
Hello :)
How you doing? :)
What you been up to? :)
instead of hi, you ok? etc. sounds a bit trivial but it annoys me because people change their view of you.
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funny thing is all my friends just acted the same well a couple of them did but most of my friends are girls and well major Yaoi freaks (Can't complain because i'm one myself ^w^
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Ditto Kitto, but personally my parents know, as do my friends and they don't care, in fact one of my friends joined the fandom because of it. Also the reason my parents don't care is because they know they can't make me change, try as they might, I'm just to spirited for them to control.
Flyer if they really are your friends and not just some mooks they will accept you for being a furry, and won't start being total jerks to you for it, you are who you are and that is that, now I wouldn't go about yelling that your a furry, you'll get beat up, but I wouldn't try to hide it from every one you know either.
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Yeah.. and you can pretty much call my friends mooks then. If i they knew they would be fine one their own or in small groups but when everyones together everyone just seems to shout abuse at everyone for anything to try impress everyone else.. it does my head in, and i dont want to fuel the fire, a so to speak.. thanks for the advice.
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In the case with friends, it takes willpower and a bit of manipulation of the conversation.
You'll be a LOT better off letting them know. But let them know in the best way to make the most of it. Personal suggestions from me, which by no means you have to follow, are as follows.
1. Go to your most understanding or your best friend, take a coversation and push it where you need to.
2. Start off with casual talk and as you do, plan what you will say about being a Furry, and how you believe your friend would react.
2a. If they know what a Furry is and behave in a good manner, you should thank them for understanding or just let it drop.
3b. If not, and you are able to explain to them and they understand or agree to look it up and then understand, thats an excellent outcome as well.
3c. If they hate or disrespect the Furry part of you (or any part of you for that matter), don't think about it too long, kick into willpower and tell yourself: They're not my friend if they don't UNDERSTAND me or RESPECT me. For me, that only came to 2 of my "friends" and one of them eventually warmed back up to me. The other is now berated by my friends and those who also have been told off for being Geeks and Nerds. I pity him.
So, this is how I approached it, how I told two RL friends to approach it, and how I've been posting to approach it. If this doesn't help you, then I'm sorry. But if you think it will, you need to break past the wall of doubt and DO it! It took poetry and music with powerful meanings to bring my willpower up enough, so try that if your shy. Bloom 06 is a very good band for that purpose in my opinion, and all sorts of poems and stories abound.
On a personal note, my best friend David didn't know the meaning of Furry as we use it. But he said: Oh, if thats what a Furry is, then I'm a Furry. So what, there's a group of people out there for this kind of stuff? (I said: I figured thats why you always use Wolf on SSBB...)
Anyway, between me and my fellow Furs posting, we hope we have helped you understand what to do. Don't let it dwell!
Oh yeah, and my Fursona says, as always: May you be shielded from Trolls and may your doings be bane to Flamers; Glory and pride to you.
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Thanks for the advice.. I agree with you, but in the UK its not as easy because the only people who know who furrys are are furs themeselves, (no AC etc.), so it would definitely arouse a lot of controversy. I was thinking it may be best for me to just show that I am one and not sit them down and talk about it because then im acting like im not bothered by it? Change my MSN pic to something anthro then wait for them to ask me and pretend i thought they knew etc. Then they get a sort of message that I don't really care too much and they will be less tempted to tell everyone than if i say Im a furry, we do this, keep it a secret.
Thanks :) and i shall use the shield