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Creative Arts and Media => Creative Writing => Topic started by: Anacletus on June 08, 2019, 01:37:21 PM

Title: Poems and short stories from a Bard
Post by: Anacletus on June 08, 2019, 01:37:21 PM
I figured I may as well share some of my works, opinions and critic are welcome!


Letter from a bard:
In times long long past, lived the story tellers of old.
Writers, singers, poets, and bards, they all had stories they told.
-----------------
Stories with humor, stories with drama,
stories of Hero's, or lovers, or trauma.
Some withheld meaning, deep down inside,
some where for fun, and from reality to hide.
-----------------
Stories are a powerful force to behold,
they can take a simple event, and turn it to gold.
Gold that inspires men to think anew,
Gold that helps one in a storm, sail on through.
-----------------
They give, courage, and wisdom, and curiosity too,
Strength, and insight, all of this is true.
Stories do much more than most think.
Well this story is over, I've run out of Ink..


The real monster:
Eyes turn left
Eyes turn right
Eyes search for danger in the middle of the night.
Slowly it sneaks
Creeping on the floor
Careful not to make'a sound, as it opens up the door.
Now it is'a raiding.
And pillaging, your food,
Afterwards to race, back to its room.
The fridge is now empty,
Fringed and bare.
What kind of monster, have you living up stairs?!


Title: Re: Poems and short stories from a Bard
Post by: Anacletus on June 09, 2019, 09:17:01 PM
I don't know if double posting is bad here or not yet, so if it is, my apologies. ^^"


Fish in the sea, as they say:
I've been snagged, like a fish on a hook.
I saw light shine off the silver surface.. and I unknowingly took the bait.
Now my heart races every time I draw close,
I wonder if the line will snap, or if I'll be exposed in the cool cold air.
Will I be caught? If I am, will I be thrown back, or will she keep me?
I have been snagged by the fishhook of love.


Waste it wisely:
Sharp as a sword, strong as a Queen
She cuts down all we have, we wonder how she can be so mean...
Cruel and unyielding, none can appose
The power she holds, over her foes.
-----------------
Swifter than wind, a continuous stride
Lioness on the hunt, from which you simply can't hide.
She pulls you along, struggle as you might
Her grip is tight, no escaped from this knight.
-----------------
A clever opponent, you're but a pawn in the game
Her steady onslaught, a strategy untamed.
Time will prevail, and with a victorious shout
She'll finish the game with a checkmate, no doubt.
-----------------
She's to fast, to strong, so cruel this is true
But she's still a gem, a precious gift to you.
If you don't pay attention, she'll fly away like a dove.
Time is a gift, spend her with those you love.
Title: Re: Poems and short stories from a Bard
Post by: Noah Fulf on June 10, 2019, 01:07:55 PM

This is constuctive critisism!
Your poems are pretty good! They have meaning and ryme! I personally don't like rymes, but that's my oppinion.
Your poems are thoughtfull and planned, witch is good if you're going for a certan effect or feeling, but most of the time poems like those lack emotion. Your poems speak your thoughts, witch gives a cool effect! And they are sometimes tricky to write, so good job!
Have you done some emotional poems by any chance? Because  they are pretty cool too! And they give off energy witch makes poems even better. The writing style of the poem defines what feeling or thought you focus on, and the way it should be taken, but you already know that!


Now, I will critise them with feeling, so this might be a little rough.

The fish poem  is interesting, but doesn't have any emotion. It feels flat  and  cheeky. Like you ... it is okay, but the methaphores are a little too forward...
Okay I give up! Your poem is good, even though I don't nesseserly like it.

And what's up with those lines? Are they there to signify add ons?

The time one has interesting methaphores, but lacks emotion. It took a concept or a motive, and just wrote things associated with it.

The monster one is a little silly, but I like the style!

The tales one has ryme, witch I mentioned I don't like that much. The ending is cool, and the meaning is nice!


(And sorry if I had some typos)
Title: Re: Poems and short stories from a Bard
Post by: Alessia Starfurr on June 10, 2019, 03:08:25 PM
Quote from: Noah Fulf on June 10, 2019, 01:07:55 PM

This is constuctive critisism!
Your poems are pretty good! They have meaning and ryme! I personally don't like rymes, but that's my oppinion.
Your poems are thoughtfull and planned, witch is good if you're going for a certan effect or feeling, but most of the time poems like those lack emotion. Your poems speak your thoughts, witch gives a cool effect! And they are sometimes tricky to write, so good job!
Have you done some emotional poems by any chance? Because  they are pretty cool too! And they give off energy witch makes poems even better. The writing style of the poem defines what feeling or thought you focus on, and the way it should be taken, but you already know that!


Now, I will critise them with feeling, so this might be a little rough.

The fish poem  is interesting, but doesn't have any emotion. It feels flat  and  cheeky. Like you ... it is okay, but the methaphores are a little too forward...
Okay I give up! Your poem is good, even though I don't nesseserly like it.

And what's up with those lines? Are they there to signify add ons?

The time one has interesting methaphores, but lacks emotion. It took a concept or a motive, and just wrote things associated with it.

The monster one is a little silly, but I like the style!

The tales one has ryme, witch I mentioned I don't like that much. The ending is cool, and the meaning is nice!


(And sorry if I had some typos)
^ I agree with thy opinion... (i can't do rhyming poems.
Title: Re: Poems and short stories from a Bard
Post by: Anacletus on June 10, 2019, 11:41:54 PM
Quote from: Noah Fulf on June 10, 2019, 01:07:55 PM

This is constuctive critisism!
Your poems are pretty good! They have meaning and ryme! I personally don't like rymes, but that's my oppinion.
Your poems are thoughtfull and planned, witch is good if you're going for a certan effect or feeling, but most of the time poems like those lack emotion. Your poems speak your thoughts, witch gives a cool effect! And they are sometimes tricky to write, so good job!
Have you done some emotional poems by any chance? Because  they are pretty cool too! And they give off energy witch makes poems even better. The writing style of the poem defines what feeling or thought you focus on, and the way it should be taken, but you already know that!


Now, I will critise them with feeling, so this might be a little rough.

The fish poem  is interesting, but doesn't have any emotion. It feels flat  and  cheeky. Like you ... it is okay, but the methaphores are a little too forward...
Okay I give up! Your poem is good, even though I don't nesseserly like it.

And what's up with those lines? Are they there to signify add ons?

The time one has interesting methaphores, but lacks emotion. It took a concept or a motive, and just wrote things associated with it.

The monster one is a little silly, but I like the style!

The tales one has ryme, witch I mentioned I don't like that much. The ending is cool, and the meaning is nice!


(And sorry if I had some typos)
Hmm, I'll take take notes and see what I can do on the emotional front, as I can definitely see what your referring to.
Some of that we can chalk up to style (aka rhyming, which I usually do xP), but again I do see what your talking about, and would like to become better on that front. xD
Thanks for the thoughts, and tips! ^^

Also the lines are just another style thing that I like doing with my slightly longer poems to help with the flow of reading it aloud, sorry if they where confusing. ^^"

Hmmm.. This one is my most emotional so far, though to be honest, I don't think it's really that emotional. ^^"

When she is gone, so is the sun.
In her absence, there is darkness.
With her, my colors shine,
But now they fade to gray.
-----------------
I do not the reason of her absence,
Nor how long she'll be gone.
All I know about it all,
Is the pain it puts in my heart.
-----------------
She is missed, she is loved.
And even with my heart aching,
I only want the best for her.
If being away is what she needs....
It's all I wish to be.
Title: Re: Poems and short stories from a Bard
Post by: Noah Fulf on June 11, 2019, 08:01:50 PM
Ouuu! That one is really good! And that's one of my favorite styles! With the messege  at the end! (Natsuki style)