The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: Crevan Fox on May 12, 2013, 06:25:15 PM
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Hello all,
My problem is this; I have ALWAYS been a social outcast, but the last time I had a proper conversation with somebody IRL was about early 2009 (due to a country move and a change of schooling from public to home) and the last time I had a proper convo with anybody (including these forums) was about early 2011. Which, as you can expect, has rendered my confidence completely ruined. I am now WORSE than a social introvert. It's so bad, just posting this thread is making kinda shake, and I actually FEAR having to go to the shops or to sign for a delivery. I have actually said I don't want to learn to drive so I don't have to talk to driving instructors and examiners. And I have, literally, 0 friends. I am not even joking, I don't have a single friend.
So my question is this; how can I build my confidence and try to get out there and meeting new people again? All, of course, without having to socialise TOO much (as I stress out when just thinking about it.)
Regards
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Aww you poor foxyy :(
*hugs*
I empathize with you because I am diagnosed with ADD and I have problems relating to other people and making new friends.
It's hard for me to be in a group because it just feels so socially awkward and I find that being by myself is actually much more blissful.
But somehow, there will be a point in our lives where we need to meet people. Trust me, I know the feeling of insecurity and nervousness when
our little bubble of isolation is popped. I would love to help you, but you must accept the fact that there's no route to avoid socialising. It's inevitable. But
hey man, the fact that you have already posted on this forum for help means that you're willing to socialise with anybody who wants to help you and that
by itself is the commendable first step! YAY! :3
So how do we go about with gaining the confidence to meet people? Let's try to see where we're at and strategise a lil'..
1. You are not able to meet new friends at the moment and you are not able to adapt to a new enviroment. The only way around this is to
simply start small, and by that I mean by focusing on ONE person only. The city of Troy wasn't conquered in a day.
Keep this in mind and by all means take your time
2. You don't have the ability to be talk to the person confidently, so....script and roleplay it out. Talk to yourself in the mirror, or an inanimate object if you have to.
This will be the basic building blocks of your confidence.
3. Be yourself man. I think it's perfectly okay if you are a nervous wreck in front of the person you're meeting, but honestly, any sane person will be able to to accept the fact
that this is who you are and that he/she would love to be friends with you. I'm sure he/she be willing to help you as long as you're open and honest about your issues.
Constant encouragement is what you need right now too, and I'm here to kickstart it to boost your morale in order to fuel your determination to socialize.
Big Brother LeHuskeh is here for you :3
PM me if you have anything else you wanna ask me. :3
*le big huskeh hug*
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Thank you all for your incredible help! I shall use these suggestions to try and get myself out there. I knew I could trust the wonderful furs of this forum! *Hugs you both*
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No problem fox ^_^ Let us know how it goes! ;)
*hugs back*
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Let's say we all reconvene in 2 weeks, on this thread, so I can tell you how it went ^_^
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Oh sure thing fox ^_^
Just wanna reassure you that you're not alone, and if people like me can cope, you can too ;)
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I'll keep that in mind.
Thanks again to both of you ^_^
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My quick two cents. Confidence is all in your head. Just try not to worry about things, is the best you can do. If you SEEM like you know what you're doing/are being carefree/etc, you can get away with most anything, socially. Like, honestly, if you just go with the flow and don't worry much about what you're doing, it'll be fine.
It's helpful to note that you can take a few seconds before responding to something in a conversation. In fact, it's rarely amiss to say little, most people are pretty content to do all the talking.
Random third note, smile. Try to be conscious about smiling. Not grinning like a mad hatter, just a slight, pleasant smile is always a good thing to have day-to-day and in light conversation. It projects confidence and warmth, both to the people around you and t
o yourself.
Anyways, good luck. I doubt you'll have much trouble getting into the swing of it. Homeschooler power!
OH as for meeting people, it just takes time. See if there are any clubs around you that are open to homeschoolers that you share interest in. Envirothon, FIRST robotics, etc.
I am also a pretty introverted person, get nervous talking to people, etc, but ask my friends and they'll swear I'm an extrovert. Bottom line is, there's not actually anything to worry about :)
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My quick two cents. Confidence is all in your head. Just try not to worry about things, is the best you can do. If you SEEM like you know what you're doing/are being carefree/etc, you can get away with most anything, socially. Like, honestly, if you just go with the flow and don't worry much about what you're doing, it'll be fine.
It's helpful to note that you can take a few seconds before responding to something in a conversation. In fact, it's rarely amiss to say little, most people are pretty content to do all the talking.
Random third note, smile. Try to be conscious about smiling. Not grinning like a mad hatter, just a slight, pleasant smile is always a good thing to have day-to-day and in light conversation. It projects confidence and warmth, both to the people around you and t
o yourself.
Anyways, good luck. I doubt you'll have much trouble getting into the swing of it. Homeschooler power!
OH as for meeting people, it just takes time. See if there are any clubs around you that are open to homeschoolers that you share interest in. Envirothon, FIRST robotics, etc.
I am also a pretty introverted person, get nervous talking to people, etc, but ask my friends and they'll swear I'm an extrovert. Bottom line is, there's not actually anything to worry about :)
Thanks for that wonderful piece of advice, friend. :D
It just goes to show how nice fellow furs can be.
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I am not quite sure what you mean, but let's not go off the subject of this thread.
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Well I'm glad it seems your fuzzy friends have given you a confidence boost! :D A similar thing happened with me when I was coming out XD
Either way bud, there's plenty of places you can find friends. At the moment, you'll be able to find a lot of online friends, especially in a place like here. It's so warm and open and nice, you should make friends in a snap if you put yourself out there, which you have done by posting this thread, so congratulations!
The second part though, is real life, you don't need to worry about that right now but eventually you should see into joining some clubs you like. Do you play Dungeons or Dragons? Interested in Martial Arts? Like books? Like games? There's most likely a club or group somewhere you can find and associate with, it'll be very nerve-wracking at first, I won't lie. But if you do it in baby steps and put yourself out there, stepping out of your comfort zone just that little bit more each time, you will find you've become a new person and you've met new friends.
We'll be hear to support you, just remember that!
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Well I'm glad it seems your fuzzy friends have given you a confidence boost! :D A similar thing happened with me when I was coming out XD
Either way bud, there's plenty of places you can find friends. At the moment, you'll be able to find a lot of online friends, especially in a place like here. It's so warm and open and nice, you should make friends in a snap if you put yourself out there, which you have done by posting this thread, so congratulations!
The second part though, is real life, you don't need to worry about that right now but eventually you should see into joining some clubs you like. Do you play Dungeons or Dragons? Interested in Martial Arts? Like books? Like games? There's most likely a club or group somewhere you can find and associate with, it'll be very nerve-wracking at first, I won't lie. But if you do it in baby steps and put yourself out there, stepping out of your comfort zone just that little bit more each time, you will find you've become a new person and you've met new friends.
We'll be hear to support you, just remember that!
Thanks, Anoni.
This thread has helped me massively, and it certainly helps knowing I have all you awesome people helping me break out abit more. These suggestions shall be put to use right away. Thank you all again :)
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I can entirely relate to what you are saying... While a lot of my friends would maybe be surprised to know it, I feel that I may suffer from a mild form of social anxiety disorder. Meeting new people, social and new situations worry me and I have difficulty making myself go to them or meet such new people.
All I can say is that like anything, practice is key. The more you are sociable, the more easily it will come to you. Start small if you must. You say you worry about even going to the shops? Well maybe try going out to the shops more often whenever you get the chance. You don't need to talk to people, but people will be there so you can at least get used to having people around you again. Also you will of course have to talk to cashiers, who tend to be fairly friendly, but of course you aren't required to talk to them too much, so its a nice place to start.
In general though I know it can be difficult. I recently moved to University, and know quite a small number of people, especially outside of my course. In general I am not a confident person in the slightest. I feel I am better at it now than I used to be, and certain people such as Sparky~15756 who I knew from these forums and recently got me to meet up with him seeing as he is in the same city as me. He's helped a lot with trying to get me to be more sociable and get used to talking to people. He made me realize there are always going to be people who want to help you and care...
So yeah, all I can say is I wish you the very best, and try to keep up some level of sociability if you can. Like I said start small if you have to, even just talking to people on these forums will help make it easier. And if you want to chat I'm always available via pm :)
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I can entirely relate to what you are saying... While a lot of my friends would maybe be surprised to know it, I feel that I may suffer from a mild form of social anxiety disorder. Meeting new people, social and new situations worry me and I have difficulty making myself go to them or meet such new people.
All I can say is that like anything, practice is key. The more you are sociable, the more easily it will come to you. Start small if you must. You say you worry about even going to the shops? Well maybe try going out to the shops more often whenever you get the chance. You don't need to talk to people, but people will be there so you can at least get used to having people around you again. Also you will of course have to talk to cashiers, who tend to be fairly friendly, but of course you aren't required to talk to them too much, so its a nice place to start.
In general though I know it can be difficult. I recently moved to University, and know quite a small number of people, especially outside of my course. In general I am not a confident person in the slightest. I feel I am better at it now than I used to be, and certain people such as Sparky~15756 who I knew from these forums and recently got me to meet up with him seeing as he is in the same city as me. He's helped a lot with trying to get me to be more sociable and get used to talking to people. He made me realize there are always going to be people who want to help you and care...
So yeah, all I can say is I wish you the very best, and try to keep up some level of sociability if you can. Like I said start small if you have to, even just talking to people on these forums will help make it easier. And if you want to chat I'm always available via pm :)
Thank-you for taking the time to give me advice, everything is extremely helpful ^_^
Oh, and it's a pleasure to meet you (however, I seem to remember your name from a couple of years back :) )
Thanks again :D
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Thank-you for taking the time to give me advice, everything is extremely helpful [/size] Oh, and it's a pleasure to meet you (however, I seem to remember your name from a couple of years back )Thanks again
No worries at all, just glad to help :)
And I haven't been on the forums in quite a while... I re-joined a few months ago (around the same time Sparky re-joined which is how we met irl) so you may well have seen me a few years ago when I was more active around here back then :P