The Furry Forums
Creative Arts and Media => Creative Writing => Topic started by: Dr. Strange on January 07, 2009, 11:10:44 PM
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Events from the past escalated into what you will read here, a true or false story of a girl. You decide if I tell myth or reality.
Since the day my father and I got into a fight, we've been slowly falling apart and fighting more. He snapped at me and we butted heads, unwilling to give any ground... I saw him try to hit my mother and I screamed at him to stop. It hurt to watch my family be torn apart like this. But now that it's over, I am still shaking and can still hear his screams and jeers echoing in my head. As I lay here, I feel worthless and the feeling magnifies as he pretends nothing happened. Alone in my room, the tears slide down my face, dripping onto my shivering knees. My fears are around me and inside me. When he jeers at us and blames my mom for taking sides, I feel so used and unworthy. His affections aren’t there anymore and I wish life could return to where it'd been... I am afraid of what he'll do to my mother and little brother when I'm away...
I cry silently, face buried, trying to hide the fear, the anger, the hatred boiling out of my body towards a man I've lived with all my life. He scares me beyond all reason, a primal fear driving me to hide from him. I live in the illusion and put out the notion that my family is just fine. My father has raised his hand on me too many times to count and I let it go. He won't, WILL NOT EVER, harm my little brother the way he has done me....
He's never hit us before, not like this... I curse him, my only father and provider. A man I should never have met, nor been forced to live around. He forced me into who I am; a beater, abuser of those I love. A sharp word, a sting of flesh on flesh and I know how he feels about me. I am his unwanted daughter, his only daughter and he has made it clear I'm not wanted here. I should leave tonight but I refuse to let him win against my will. My brother and mother mean more than his imposing figure and stinging slaps do.
As I lay on my cold bed, thinking about what he's said, I can see now why he's been so frigid. His fears are showing and he needs to be strong. His hands around my neck made me struggle for air but this is a past experience and I will not hold it against him, my blood. The love I had for him in my naivety has long since dried up; replaced by a burning hunger to destroy the being that stole my role model and made him into the monster I hide in fear of. His eyes are no longer human, nor are the sharp words he spits at us. I come home from school and hole up in my sanctuary, afraid he will strike me again...
Even though by outside appearances he is still my father, inside he is nothing more than another demon taking over my life, twisting it inside out so that I fall into turmoil and break. My spirit hurts, bleeding all alone in the creeping darkness, unable to hold the hand of the one I once adored. His harsh tones hurt my ears and his cold looks drive icy hot blades in my skin, ripping my heart into a thousand pieces. I want us to go back to being happy...
He split my brother's image of him as an angel into fragments, tearing apart the innocence I fought so fiercely to protect. My little brother is now turning into my father; he idolizes that man. And he can't see how it hurts to watch him, hunting for someone to hurt, to tear apart... His aura is black with sins and hatred, staining those around him. I fear the day he is turned loose to terrorize someone else. I only hope that when it comes time for him to settle in, my brother remembers who our father was and decides to be better than that...
One could only hope and fight to preserve the innocent, after all....
I try, and he pushes me away. As do my mother and everyone else I fall to, struggling to find someone to help me. The ones I lean on are too weak to rely on so I must don the mantle of peace-keeper and hide how I feel: the strongest one of my broken home.
For now my tears have stopped, replaced by a numb emptiness I fear departing of. A new scar, this time on my hand, marks the twenty-third attempt at reaching someone. My desk is covered with the silent cries for help, only answered by the flicker of a flame and the few drops of blood I share with no one. The crimson reminder of what I endure.
The drops fall in darkness only I can see. Held back from dealing the final blow, the fear and hatred in me continues to grow, blossoming and ripping at the cage it remains in. My cold words are little different than his, but mine are meant to isolate myself. So that when the final straw breaks my back, I can leave this place with peace, knowing I did all I could to fix what damage I done to them, those that stood beside me without falter, with strength enough for three. I will miss those I loved, then and now. I am going to be free of the monster who's ruled my life soon and when I leave, I'll expect not to be missed. After all, I was only a fifteen year old child who had no idea what she was getting into when she stood in front of her weeping brother, taking the blow that would have killed him...
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A dad should never do that. I'm sorry you've had to put up with that for all these years. I'm sure you'll be glad to get out of the house as soon as possible.
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Maybe... I guess you could say everything's been building up to this. My little brother is a baby but he shouldn't have been treated the way he was...
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What happened?
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He screwed up my little brother.
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It's not too late to save your brother he's still young and can be molded to learn that his farther isn't acting right. You just have to find a way to show him.
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I try, and he pushes me away.
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I guess you don't lean on me at all for support then.
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Not rightly. Since you're busy with Katie, I'd prefer not to impose and have you handicapped with me.. >.>
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I can talk with you and Katie. You won't handicap me.
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Explain. That makes no sense what-so-ever.
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I mean that talking with you will in no way mess up or hinder my relationship with Katie.
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Im sorry to hear of these troubles, no child should ever receive such scorn from their parents. No good parent ever strikes their child in such a harsh way as there is quite a difference between discipline and anger.
Now as far as expressing these on the forum I feel you should be careful, some of these feelings are very personal and emotional. I know your looking for help and I know I want you to get it, but I will monitor this thread if it becomes a bit too personal for the means of this forum. This is after all a Literature section
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It is and I agree. This thread will no more be a true thing than my others. Only select few will see that it's true (if at all). I do not seek help from those on the forums, I just feel some should know why I am sometimes so cold and unapproachable. (Which oddly enough is rare on its own)
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Everyone loves you still Twisted Roses. =D
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Don't get me wrong, I think if your looking for somebody to talk to and wanna tell your story thats a great thing, it takes a big person to ask for help or somebody to confide into. I just don't think this is the right section and some might misconstrue your words for fiction and it might lead people to think a way other then intended. Your general board thread might be more appropriate.
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Of course they do, which I don't quite understand.
Tezz: I have fixed the beginning and others can decide how they will interpret it. I wish to leave it here as, first and foremost, a story needed to be told. Don't get me wrong, I understand where you're coming from. If you feel it must absolutely be moved, go ahead. Otherwise, please leave it here.
On a side note, I will be booted off the internet in about three minutes. Any replies I will have to check tomorrow when my internet is free again. Please be patient as I will deal with my problems, update the story, and hopefully put a happy ending here. Enjoy the morbid note I left, and happy holidays.~~
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I will allow it as it doesn't break any rules, my concern is merely personal. I just worry that it might cause unwanted replies and feelings might be hurt over such a personal topic.
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I can try to keep the thread civilized and under control if Twisted Roses would like and if you would like as well Tezz. Only a suggestion, you do not have to allow it.
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I'm a moderator, I'll delete and even lock it if needed. However I hope it can remain civil. If you notice anything bad report it.
Ok from now on we need to keep this thread on the topic at hand.
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First and foremost, I am sorry if you have indeed gone through such a thing like that. It's often good to talk about it and let your feelings escape.
I do feel obligated, however, to advise you to contact the authorities concerning these issues. It's unhealthy and unlawful to just have to keep putting up with abuse.
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Zephyr that is a good suggestion, but doing such a thing can be hard after all it is her own father the one that looked after her and took care of her all through life.
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What Wingedzephyr says it true, it is not the easiest course to take but it is the best route. You should never tolerate physical abuse from anybody ever nor should you allow abuse to be inflicted upon family members. While we are your friends here, we can do little to relieve this issue. Please do the right thing and help yourself in this matter, that is the best advice any of us can give you
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I feel I could help more if I had my license I live, but 2 hours away and could possibly help relieve the situation. I have to agree with Tezz and Zephyr though.
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He hit me really hard, but only once. The rest of the abuse was verbal, him yelling and screaming at us. I can't report my own dad because that's just how I am. I don't go against blood.
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He didn't seem so concerned about his blood when he hit you. But it is your decision and I respect it
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I'm sorry that you have to through with this kind of abuse Sam...I see now why you gave me your number..I'll honestly try to call you (or if I can for that matter..on account of our last phone bill was outrageous for me calling my ex-mate)) but I'll try my best...I may not be your real father..but I am your online father..and I've treated you far better then your real one has..I'm here for you Sam.. I believe in you and you'll get through it...~hugs tight~ please take care love..and know that I care about you..very much
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Whilst I too think that the authoities should be contacted, I understand and respect your decision not to go against blood. Despite my current internet connection issues and inability to call you, I shall do everything in my power to remain in contact with you during these dark times for you. Keep your friends close and for now all we can do is hope that your brother shall realise that the way your father used to be is the way he should act. I am incredibly saddened to hear that things have sunk even lower for you and like I said, I shall do everything in my power to offer you my support. I'm here for ya.
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Things seem to be getting better, today he hasn't said a word, but then again, it's only four pm. He's got until six to lose his temper again. It's the fact that he was neglected when he was little by his mother's boyfriends and his sister lavished on that drives him insane now. He doesn't think it's wrong to act how he does and he won't admit he feels insecure. He has to be super dad, and I've forced him to be that way.... I still feel my father is Superman and can beat anyone that tries to hurt me, but, it's that belief that hurt him so deeply, I believe.
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i understand wat you went through and wat ur going through now.
the same thing has happend to me but both of my parents did it to me.
i started to hurt my self emotionly and physical.
if you ever need to talk im here for ya sis.
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Thanks. I appreciate the offer. I might take you up on it later.
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As of today, he left us alone, abandoning us to our haunts as he pursued the notion of a job. And I lie here, cold and alone, wishing he'd caress my cheek with velvet hands and whisper all the endearments I have been deprived of. But this cannot be, as I have seen, and I accept that with a cold heart and harsh tones. His words no longer scar me, on the outside it is of no consequence. Inside, the scars rip open the skin healed around my heart and bleed black and red. I cannot be alive for what he's done... The pain he's wrought, the anger he caused to breed inside..
A friend has found me and she was all alone herself. Together we explored the life we consider meaningless, ignorant of our actions. As we ran and played, a dark descended and soon it began to rain, driving us inside. We huddled up, sad once more at the thought of leaving each other. She has been my best friend all my life it seems and I would hate to lose her but I know to fully and truly love someone/something, you must let it go. So thus I have, watching her grow fuller and prettier than I could ever be and I smile, loving her more and more for being herself.
The notion of being accepted is foreign, an indifferent untouchable feeling I will not be able to grasp. Though it pains me a bit, I just don't seem to care anymore. As my mates have told me, "You're more heartless than I could ever believe capable. Your thoughts are colder than ice and your smile makes me cringe." I have lost the feeling of warmth and the sun is only a dying star to me. When the day comes that I must meet Him, I agree wholeheartedly that I was cold and utterly heartless to my kin. I deserve every punishment he deems proper...