The Furry Forums
Creative Arts and Media => Creative Writing => Topic started by: PhantomStone on December 09, 2008, 05:58:41 PM
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ok this is a new story i doubt any one will want to rp this so i'll just write the story and not even put up the rp anyway some one comment please so i can write some moar. thanks commants and such are appricated (slamming my work will not)
trowa breathed deeply and opened her eyes once again, she held up her sword waiting for her oppenent to cross swords with her. the dark panthar glared and crossed swords with her. he was 15 years old a newly made squire.
"squire alex" the training instructor sir james said to the panthar. he was a kangaroo rusty red in color, extreamly well built and strong "page trowa are you two ready to spar" he asked looking at the panthar and the mecha infront of him
"i've been ready"alex said glaring at the girl infront of her, his dark secretive face closed, the skin on his small muzzle pulled back at the top in a large cat glare. "this little upstart has been all high and mighty for too long"
alex was refering to the new alliance between the mechas with the rest of the empire. in the last year the empire had given new land to the mechas, the ursus' have been taking the mechas land, in an act of despricativity they allined them selves with the empire. but the damage was done, the mechas added what was left of there land to the empire, now the mechas had a province of the large kindom to control. trowa was next in line for the largest part of the land, she was the daughter of the king of the mechas. she wasn't in line to rule, her brother would have to assume the responsibility when her father would leav her, if they still were a country. as of the alliance her brother and father were some of the kings closest friends. she was intraining to be a knight of the kingdom, the first mecha to become a knight of [i'll come up with a name later]
"ready, set go" the kangaroo said jumping back
the dark cat retracted his sword and lunged in with incredible speed trowa brought her arm in and once alex's blade was just a few inches away from her she deftly twisted her sword, her cross guard knocked his sword off path, then she brought her sword down and widened the distance a hair then rushed in.the dark cat smiled as her side stepped the lunge and brought his sword back fast and kncked her in the head trowa blacked out and fell down, only a quick twist and roll saved her as alex swong his sword around and plunged it into the earth trowa scrambled to get her sword and grabbed it and swong at the dark cat and tried to rise. alex kicked the mecha down and swong down trowa closed her eyes alex's blade tapped her skull and he stepped away "pifft i told you cleon, she's not ready" he said walking off
trowa glared at alex's back, she had just started training 5 years ago in her old kingdom, this was her first week in this new one. in the old kingdom they had spent much time stratigising and building, they were a peaceful nation befor ethey were invaded. she sighed and got up, she would show that cat, she would learn, what else was there for her to do.
"titan" sir james said to the metal girl next to nim "you are to give me a 2 page essay on why you lost, by tomarrow, now give me 20 pushpulls" he said dropping some heavy disks on the ground next to her and walked away
trowa sighed and fell down and started doing what she was told she had something to prove, she wasn't a naturle with fighting, but her father had told her before "we can learn anything" that was his reply one evening when trowa had asked him what could the mechas do, on the eve of the alliance pact thats what he had said. now she had to learn to fight, she would learn "come on titan" she said to herself "make him proud" she said staring at the grass and working her mechanicle arms hard "make him and gett proud"
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Its a nice story, yours always has that newage tint to them thats interesting. Plus they are usually pretty steeped in action and combat.
Also I should say that there will be NO slamming of any literature as long as Im here as moderator. The entire section is devoted to the enjoyment of literary arts and the help of devloping the writing skills. Not to flame. So don't worry write with leisure, just dont break the rules :)
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thanks a lot tezz, i won't intentionaly break any rules man. thanks a lot. does the coloring help with the story at all?
trowa pulled on a silk tunic and hose, gray and black colors for the kingdom of mechas, with a green and white under shirt for [again i have to find a good name any sugestions?] she sadly stepped out of her room in the pages quarters, and looked around nerviously, and walked to the great hall for food and drink, for the older members of court. aparently in this country the pages served the court for dinner and other events.
"oh look it's the walking tin can" alex said laughing with his friends.
trowa shook her head and walked quickly to the feast hall. ignoring the panthars jibs behind her
"hoy" a green raptor said walking up to the mecha ignoring the other fur's behind him "hullo" he said, he was dressed in green and gray silk, much the same way trowa was
"umm hi" she said after a seconds thought. she didn't know who this was, but he seemed nice, she slowed down a bit to let him catch up
"you must be trowa of titan" he said catching up and laughing, his long legs covering the distance between them quickly "i'm tezztor of taku, welcome to the palace" he said holding out a scaaled hand his maw curved up in a smile
"wow nice to meet you" she said she looked him in the eye, they were a green, teal, black color, very deep the black horns on his head seemed to sprout backwards as if he was running as fast as he could, a black ridge going allong his head and down his neck. she looked at his hands as the black almost armor curved around his fingers.
the raptor coughed after a few seconds of akward silence, "i'll see you inside" he said running off to the great hall, wondering why the mecha who he had been taught were the most socially gifted, of any race they knew about
trowa shook her head, and started off after him as the bell summoning all but the defest people in the castel to dinner. she ran off, he was the most interesting and nice person she had ever met. she shook her head, she had work to do. she would puzzle over tezztor of taku after dinner and studys. "hmm" she puzzled walking down the hall
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The colors differentiate the lines some but I don't think they are required. However theres no reason you can't use em either if it makes you feel more comfortable.
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trowa rose with the clang of the bell in the hugh tower of the palace. she had fallen into bed without a second thought. she groaned and tired to rise out of the warm bed. with an iron will she was famous for back home she got up and walked over to the wash room, she had an hour till training with sir james. she rushed into the wash room and cleaned up. shivering after the cold water had washed over her, she looked around and found her canvass training gear, allong with her wieghted harness. she slipped into both and grabbed her sword and ran out the door, and almost ran into the large raptor she had met the other day. it was only by his quick reflexes that she didn't crash into him.
the raptor looked startled as he twisted and the mecha barrled past him. "where's the fire?" he asked already in a fighting stance. a smile on his maw
trowa stammered apoligses while trying to look less like a babbling fool in the middle of the hall way. "i'm so sorry sir i-"
"it's tzztor" he said sternly he was older but he wasn't a knight. he fingered his fore arms, where, unassumingly were 2 leather bracers.
"sorry tezztor" trowa said embarrased. she looked down at her heavy leather boots.
"no problem" the tall raptor said patting the metal girl on the head and gently pushing her to the pages dining hall "come on were gonna be late for food" he said, the green and lighter green scales almost shimmering in the sunlight streaming through the windows in the early morning sun
trowa caught her self staring and shook her head and continued on, she was glad she had a visor over her face all the time, she probably would look like an even bigger idiot if anybody saw her face. she looked again at the raptor he looked to be about 2 or 3 years older than she was. "ummm" she said looking at a fork in the passage way, she was new here, and this was her third day here.
"come on" tezzor smiled and walked to the left, this mecha was something else, only to stop and look longingly at a silver dragoness walking swiftly the other way, her scales a peerlecent gray and silver her eyes a beautiful saphire blue.
trowa saw him stare at the dragoness, she elbowed him in the ribs "hey man, earth to taku" she said poking his head smiling behind her mask
tezztor snapped back to reality when the little mecha started tapping his head, "hey planet daydream to titan" he said smiling at the girl next to him, he looked back at the beautiful dragoness as she gracefully swept from the hallway
trowa shook her head she could tell he was smitten, all her friends back home would act like this, she smild sadly, but got over it. "come on man, how are we supposed to become knights on an empty stomach" she said warming up to her new friend, mabey this year won't be so bad after all she thought walking down the hall as the strong raptor easily kept pace with the younster, still thinking about the beautiful dragoness.
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A few pointers, not to slam;
Check some of your words for spelling errors on word or similar programs,
Capitalize beginnings of sentences, names, and other such proper rules...
Other than that, it looks really good.
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u right guys, i'm gonna write this crap in word and then post it here instead of writing it all here in a burst after burst
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There ya go! I'm glad I could help. :) If you need someone to help look over it and point out some things/give ideas, I'm here.
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Nice, I like how its turning out. Nice useage of my scalesona as well, you captured him fairly well. Strong fighter.
I look forward to seeing where this story goes
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really it's ok? i didn't make you sound sappy or anythiong
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I edited my previous message
I dont mind at all, sometimes its fun to read other people's useage of your character. So continue along the path you were planning to go
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am i in this story any where?
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thanks for the responce tezztor and mortem, (and i'm working on it luke)
Trowa sat down for lunch at noon, brutally tired from the beating she had endured.
“Cheer up titan†the tall raptor said smiling and taking a seat next to his small friend. He had his own lunch of hearty stew with bread and veggies. He viciously attacked the stew; he was as hungry as all the other new pages. Even though he breezed through the lessions without even breaking a sweat
“One hour of warm ups†Trowa started pushups, sit ups, push pulls, and stretching exercises. “One hour of unarmed combat†all the pages stand in line and punch and block in time with the call of Lord James. “an hour of staff work†the same as unarmed combat but with staff’s “an hour of archery, and an hour on horseback†she
finished, she didn’t have a mount of her own, so she had taken a rough gelding well suited to her height, but extremely head strong, she had spent 20 minutes trying to get him to stand in line with the others.
“Awww come on, at least your were not late†Tezztor of Taku said pointing to a wolf sitting down alone; he was wearing red hose the color of his home fief. “That’s Luke, of feyrla†Tezztor said disgustedly. as though he had tasted something sour when he had expected something sweet. his eyes hardened as he glared at Luke his glassy green and blue eyes snapping with distaste
Trowa looked up at her friends sudden hostility to the small wolf sitting by himself, she was about to ask Tezztor a question but the bell chimed loudly. tezztor stood up stiffly and was out the door before trowa even knew he got up. In her haste to not be late for the rest of her day she swallowed the rest of her stew and food, and quickly ran back to her quarters. Once there she picked up her bag and filled it with what she needed and ran off to her first class, reading and writing. I hope tezztor is ok, what was with him
Trowa got to her class and took a seat in the back, the wolf Luke was there. She was about to say something but the priest who taught reading and writing walked in and started the lesion. her questioning would have to wait for later
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thx (reads on) god i sound like a mean *******
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i just asked for cha. stuff this isn't u it's the charactor info u gave me
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ok ok
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Another good chapter. You did a fairly good job capturing the spirit of my scalesona while at the same time giving him your own twist
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thanks a lot tezz
Days past quickly for Trowa of titan, the bears still had a hold of the mecha’s land, the king of firaheir (the country the story is taking place in) knows they can’t beat the bears. A year before the bears invaded the mecha’s firaheir had been invaded by moordrivalion a neighboring country. So firaheir forces have been stretched thin.
Trowa of titan has grown to be great friend with Tezztor. Many an even they have spent heads bent over a book or map, but even as great friends they were, Tezztor always seemed to be different whenever Trowa would start to talk about Luke the wolf from feyeir, or what life was like before the palace. She respected her friend’s privacy but as the months and weeks dragged on she got more and more curious, soon the day would come and she would ask him.
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Trowa sighed and looked around the library it was just before lights out, she and Tezztor had just finished up both of their essays for class “finally were done†Tezztor said leaning back and sighing, he had been very quiet lately
“Ya finally†Trowa agreed looking at her friend curious as to why he had been quiet all night “you ok man†she asked
“do you ever get the feeling that something is about to happen†he said suddenly, he tensed up, his veins standing out in high relief from under his scaly skin
“Well I guess, I mean†Trowa started
“Well something is going to happen, i can feel it†he said violently standing up so fast it was a blur to trowel’s eyes; the chair he was sitting on got propelled backwards by the force of his knees locking out.
“Tezztor what-“she tried again standing up also.
Tezztor violently roared and shoved Trowa down onto the ground as a squad of soldiers from moordivilain came rushing in 7 of them well armored. He rushed at them at a blinding speed, kicking the table over hiding Trowa almost from sight. He leapt at the lead guard a dagger appearing in his hand as he slashed at the soldier in red and black armor.
Trowa was about to get up, but one of the guards that had fallen to Tezztor' blades came crashing into the table making it fall on top of her and trap her, she could only watch as her friend viciously swept out and around with his knives, making an almost steel colored aura around him. The last guards turned tail and ran, only to fall under the weight of the raptor and he launched himself at the guards and crushed them.
Tezztor growled and roared digging the blades out of the guards he looked back at Trowa, frozen in fear under the table, she had never seen any living creature that vicious and deadly and fast before, in the space of less than a minute 7 well armored soldiers had fallen by an unarmored raptor wielding 2 knives.
Tezztor glared at the mecha, blood from his victims falling in a pool on the floor, he wiped his blades on the front of a guard’s tunic and sheathed them coldly. As he walked over to where he had last seen Trowa who was frozen in fear, 2 squads of firaheir soldiers rushed in and quickly went over the scene
“the morridavir soldiers have snuck into the palace, our mages detected 20 of them got in, the king has just finished with 10 of them that went to attack him, it appears you took care of the others†the lion in green and white garb said to the raptor, not even noticing the mecha. “We’ll report to the king good job†he said as he ran out and his squad followed.
Tezztor looked back to where he had left Trowa, he looked around but she wasn’t there, he quickly counted all the dead, but only came up with 7, that meant there were still 3 soldiers running around the castle, he looked around, no sign of Trowa. “Oh no†he said and ran off in search of his friend. “Please be ok†she can't be captured, come on don't let her be captured
the former king of the mecha's' daughter would be a fine barggining chip or a perfect way to find out what the king of firaheir was planning. this was bad bad bad.
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Nice fight scene, you do much to honor my character I appreciate it. However I hope that your character isnt hurt
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nice fight scene but im surprised i didnt join in
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my cha. won't die well mabey idk i'll figure it out later, thansk for the prais tezz thanks (and luke it's not u it's ure cha u gave me)
Trowa came to her hands bound behind her back, she shook her head and tried to focus her mind, but only focused in passing back out. Her head lolled forward as the world in front of her mask went dark.
The assassin looked at the mecha that was slung over his soldier, he scowled and continued on through the halls of the palace, hopefully the poison on the girl would work long enough for them to get to the next country; he gave another dose of the powerful poison to the girl and kept on. His lifelong friend next to him following silently, their third friend had gone to the stables to find transportation out of here.
Within a few minutes he and his friend arrived at Luke’s quarters and slipped in to the room. Once inside he roughly dropped the girl on the flag stone floor, and bowed to the page. “Sir Luke, we have captured the girl, and Jerald has procured 4 steeds to get us out of here†the assassin said he was a raptor like Tezztor, but he was a bark blue color, he seemed to just melt into the background.
Luke smiled evilly and stood up, only coming to the raptors lower chest. “then make your leave, we may not have killed the king but we got the girl, ha the king of moodivillian will reward me greatly for getting troops into the palace and getting the daughter of the mecha’s to his feet†he laughed “now leave and I’ll get more soldiers in soon†he said no one would suspect the noble he was in the palace.
Squire Alex stood outside the door to Lukes’ room his face pulled back in a silent snarl, he had a charm on his paw to record what he heard and it was being sent directly to Tezztor, who was just heading around the corner.
When he ran up to Alex he held up his claws and counted down “3…2…1… go†he whispered and charged into the room, viciously lashing out at the assassin raptor, cutting him across the upper arm, the dark raptor blood spraying out.
Alex went straight for the other assassin his sword flashing through the air and biting into his shoulder, felling him instantly. He sups around searching for Luke.
Luke whipped out his sword and clashed with Tezztor, the first raptor assassin had jumped to the window pulling the mecha with him, he turned around to look for Luke, but was pushed aside as the wolf in question ran past him grabbing the mecha and jumping out of the window.
The injured raptor assassin looked astound as his employer jumped out the window leaving him alone as the other raptor page leapt out the window after him. At the same time Alex followed the raptor.
“TROWA†the dark panther yelled as the wolf landed on the ground and hopped on a horse and ran off, he galloped after the horse
Tezztor followed Alex, just as worried about his friend, he quickly caught up with the horse and grabbed the girl and stopped as the wolf tried to cut her friend.
Luke swore as the raptor stopped. He ran on into the night, the other assassin following close behind him.
Alex ran up and quickly looked over Trowa looking for any injury he was worried.
Tezztor looked over at the dark cat curiously, “I was a good thing that I still had that charm†he said fingering the jewel that was on a chain around his neck.
“Hey we WERE friends†Alex said taking the mecha from the raptor, his face wrought with worry
“Come on we better get back Alex†Tezztor said, wondering why Alex was being so careful with Trowa, the way he acted, it confused him. Trowa shook, her body tiring to work through the doses of poson she had received. He thought back to what had happened “come on lets go†he said starting back.
Alex followed him the girl in his arms, feeling helpless. “Come on Trowa you got to pull throughâ€Â
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now THATS what im talking about! im evil!!! (i know i wont win and will probably get killed but...)
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Well at least we got her back thats the good thing. Now if we can just cure the poison
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omg i just realised i'm a mecha and idk how i got pisioned in the first place, idk, mabey i'll change trowa in this story idk
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Eh easy to work around. Everybody makes mistakes you wouldn't believe some of the parts Ive messed up in my own storyline.
Maybe its a liquid thats dangerous to mecha?
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liquid nitro =3
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thanks tezz (idk if i write more today my bro said some mean stuff and publicaly humiliated me so idk)
Alex sat by Trowa bed, his head resting on her bed side. He hadn’t left her side for 2 days, by her side as her conditioned worsened. ‘Why am I so worried about her, I mean she’s just a mecha, why do I care so much’ he shook his head and looked at the sleeping figure
Tezztor walked into trowa's room, quieter than an invisible mage, he stood next to Alex and gravely tapped his old friend on the shoulder. As the dark cat looked up Tezztor motioned to the door, his eyes carefully guarded.
Alex looked back at the slumbering girl and slowly stood up and followed Tezztor out into the hall. “What did duke briard say†the dark figure said looking out the window not facing her room
Tezztor looked down gravely “he said there wasn’t much hope, the stupid assassin, the raptor had 3 bottles on him, 2 were sedatives, specially designed for mecha’s, and the other one was a deadly poison in case anything went wrong†he said sadly “we have no idea how to counteract itâ€Â
Alex looked down sadly ‘I can’t let her go’ “is there anything we can do†he asked almost begging his old friend
Duke briard walked down the hall a tired expression on his face, the old dog looked over at Alex, hearing his question he said “I’d need detailed knowledge on the poison and on the girl, and sense the traitor escaped, he have no leads on the first, and sir drake of titan won’t let any dog such as myself anywhere near Trowa†he said smiling a little at his recollection.
Tezztor looked incredulously at the duke “surly he would help, his daughter is on the line†he said wondering on why sir drake would ever think of this.
Duke briar smiled sadly “the mecha have been a mysterious race, ever sense we have known them, they’ve been knows around the realm as the greatest scholars and thinkers and builders, but they aren’t living, I mean they’re just not made of flesh and blood like we are†he said holding out a furry arm “we don’t know anything about them, that can be a great help to sir drakeâ€Â
“But to let her suffer like that†Alex said strained on the verge of tears
“That’s sir drake’s choice, he must have a good reason, but it has nothing to do with pages†the duke said hotly walking off
Tezztor was silent through the whole exchange, when the duke was out of ear shot he leaned in closer to the dark cat “I say we get that knowledge and fix Trowa our selves†he said
“You really think it will be that easy†he said sounding dead like he had already given up
“Come on we won’t give up that easily†Tezztor said taking Alex and walking down the hall a plan forming in his mind
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Nice job. setting the grim tone from which we set out and try to get a cure for her.
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(thanks tezz for reading and everything)
The tall green raptor padded silently through drake’s quarters in the palace, the Black Panther close behind him. It was 1 o clock of the evening bell, the whole castle aside from the watch and the 2 pages were asleep.
Alex stayed right next to Tezztor keeping an eye out for anything that might be useful, he saw a desk and padded silently over to it, he looked through the papers, he shifted a paper and a wooden door on the side of the desk popped open.
Alex signaled to Tezztor to come over, and he stuck his hand inside, his fingers brushed something smooth and cold, along with some almost parchment type of thing, he pulled both out, but couldn’t make it out in the failing light.
Tezztor took the papers and the smooth object and stuffed them into his messenger bag. He pressed on into the king mecha’s quarters. He and Alex came across multiple papers in the former king’s possessions; they took whatever they could find.
After tezztor’s bag was full, the 2 pages crept into the study of his quarters and closed the door. Tezztor whipped up a quick light spell and he and Alex poured over there treasure. The smooth object was a vile containing a blood red liquid.
Tezztor pulled out some papers; he looked them over and would have stifled a gasp if he didn’t have experience with being quiet. He discovered the papers were all signed by the former king, and sent to queen Alyss, of Alistair, the queen of the dirty soldiers and assassins that had attacked Trowa and Tezztor in the library.
Alex’s eyes widened once he saw the papers, he almost growled, but Tezztor had stuck a scaly hand over his mouth before s sound was uttered. He shook his head and read over the papers, they were all detailed instructions about what was to happen, in the capture of Trowa.
Tezztor shook his head, fighting rage his own way and got up; he placed all the papers back where he and Alex had taken them from. But he kept the vile; he had an idea what this was. He silently strode out of the room. Alex was beside him extending and sheathing his claws. Almost shaking with fury.
Once the two were safely back in their rooms the talked over the charms “it was drake, he ordered his daughter almost murdered†Alex started almost spitting into the charm “he was striking a deal with queen Alyss, they get a bargaining chip, and she supplies drake with 300 worriers to help repel the bears, he was trying for his own land again†Tezztor said grimly
“that horrible-“Alex started but Tezztor introspected “he is 723 years old†he started “he has been ruling the mecha’s for centuries, he is not stupid, he is swrud he knows the king will pay up, and then he gets his daughter back and he gets a small army to help take back the lands he has been ruling sense before firaheir was as strong as we are now.â€Â
“So what do we do†Alex asked “I don’t know Alex†Tezztor said sorrowfully his head slumping forward
Queen Alyss sat on her thrown looking at the scrap of a wolf in front of her, “you failed†she said darkly her Black Panther tail swishing around behind her.
“It was that blasted raptor†the wolf spat “Tezztor of Takuâ€Â
“Tezztor?†the queen asked, could this be her old friend from years ago?
“My queen?†Luke asked worriedly
“Yes whatever, leave me, I’ll speak with you later†she said as an armored guard took the former wolf page away. The other assassin was still there “was it really him?†she asked
“I couldn’t tell in the fighting miss, he was as bloody fast as the old Tezztor was†he said looking down, and remembering watching all his comrades fall in quick succession to his demon blades. He had served the queen sense they both were too young to know the world of politics they both immersed themselves in from time to time.
The queen clapped her hands and another assassin ran up to his liege “go to the palace and leave a little present for my old friend†she said turning away and walking to her quarters, her pack of dark attendants following in her wake