The Furry Forums
Creative Arts and Media => Creative Writing => Topic started by: XXxMaximuMXXx on June 11, 2008, 10:55:54 AM
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notice me!
will he, does he, should he notice me. everyday I wonder and ponder if he notices me.
if he cares for me or looks at me. I wonder if he likes me or he just looks though me.
Inside im bleeing but outside im strong...stronger than anything but love.
He comes towards me, my heart rces, I smie and walk towards him to nearly nearly...
but then he pats my arm and walks to another girl, and hugs her.
i watch and watch, turmoil throwing up around me, but I stay cool i stay strong but inside im bleeding
And he doesnt care, he has his speacial but i am alone.
he laughs and jokes
I bleed and cry
he hugs and cradles
I laugh to die
I drown and am finnaly silent, nothing that the world can give me will take m back, because i
am finaly free from his grasp...
Im sorry if it isnt ood, it doesn feel great but im in a lesson and bored so...there, i hope its ok
drifter,drifters gunna getcha
his eyes are black
and his hairs on fire
first snows coming hes coming back
you cant hide under the bed
he`ll crack your head
youll see hus face in someone else
but she wnt know even herself
he got clarence he`ll get you to
drifter, drifters coming for you
from meh book!
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That was rather...interesting to read.
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Plenty of emotion, but not too much. There's enough thought in your poem to tug at the creative/imaginative side of your brain. I really like it Max. And it's better than you give credit for. ;]
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no seriously it isnt good..it makes me cringe...even flames doesnt think so
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no seriously it isnt good..it makes me cringe...even flames doesnt think so
No, it's good. I'm interested in reading any more like this you may have written.
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what you are or you arent?
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I am interested in reading more and I do like what you've written.
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OOh sorry!
I have seconds to live, i know its not fair. i feel its not fair
but still I try, I try to stand, I try to look into my loved ones faces but my eyews wont open
Im falling, very slowly, but picking up speed,
Im leaving my family behid, there happy now, they dont need me.
my little 11 yr old brother cal, who does wonderous magic, tricks
ill never see talk to him again, but i will pop up in dream and ill watch and keep care of him forever and ever. I fell my dad reassuring hand stroke mine.
"were her, were here for you tessa, you can go now, we love you"
i wait on a litlle longer, i need to hear someone speacial first.
"say it cal, say goodbye." whispers dad
"no i dont want to" whimpers cal, quietly
lets just say yes for the day, i think thoughts coming and going
"i fell stupid," "
just whisper it in her, get close that s it, were not listening"
he leans in, for one last time I fell his breath on my ear
"you can go now, and I dont mind if you haunt me. ill miss yoiu tessa, dont forget me"
I wont forget you little bro, ill never forget you, as long as you remmeber me.
and then their voices fade away and a brightness settle on my chest...
...im free....
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Nice. :) There are a few typos, but they don't ruin it...Good job.
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typos? and did you read the second top one...it new!
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they are good, i like them :)
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i want to talk to him but he ignores me...
what ever i do, he tries his hardest to see past me.
i want to tlk to him..to try and be firends but he doesnt even allow that
hes drawing away from me...and i try no to care. i thought i could cope bu i cant
no matter how hard i try, no matter how hard i try to block out all the sadness.
it finaaly over rides me and im left with longing. i dont think i love him, i know well never be together,hes made sure
but unwanted love always hurts the most, but my heart is tearing in two, too many things are pulling on it
he wont even acknowledge me, in later life hell probably be happy with some other girl
laughing and singing in the sunshine, i try to forget him, i try my hardest
but it comes back to me in the end
an anwanted love....
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aww, thats sad... i will always love you though
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Quite emotional piece. The joys and sorrows of love...
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hehe.....*coughs*
up, up, up they go up the bricks they come...
tumbilin, tumbilin, tumbilin, tumbiln tumbiling down they come...
sing it to the row row row your boat tune....i made it myself
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xD That's cool Max. I suck now.
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"NO...you dont, yours are great !...heres some more though..unfortunately
I love this ype of weather
stingy and grey, perfect for my mood
the wind rolls around angrily
the sky sheds tears
A loved one is lost
An innocent is DEad
A pet is buried
And a secret is kept
A lie is snuffed out
And there will be blood to be shed
The world ignores the crying child
Ahe wails and screams, and shouts
But she is pushed away
Everyday a person screams out for HELP!
it radiates from their body
spilling out of their lips-Words Unspoken-
and exploding out of their chest
The lucky ones get help, but the others....
Listen to people, sometimes their screaming
Scraming out for help just like you
listen and you might just get a surprise
Listen...AND HELP!
Dont abandon hope- there`s always a light, even in the darkests of times
*pouts..next one*
Im bleeding inside, nobody notices
im screaming out for help, nobody cares
im dying inside, i dont realise...
i loved you with all my heart
and you chose to kick it back
like your doing to others right now
Time means nothing anymore
because you`ve stopped my
clogs from working..you took the key
And so i wait.....
For somebody...
To....
SAVE ME!
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nice stuff ^^ a lot of emotion in there
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thanks and sorry
with every painful step you take
My heart brakes in two
No matter how much i listen to you
our hearts will remain as one
No matter how much you annoyed and ignored me
The only thing that i shall see
is the way in which you loved and cared for me
Through those dark and stormy time
Although you will soon fade away
your soul shall be forever free
And the memories will always stay
With always think, and say
"i will always love you"
"Forever and ever"
"You will always stay true"
"I will MISS YOU...."
Summer?
The sun blazes down
Through the healthy green trees
The wind plays happily through the heated day
and children play to the music of the bay.
"summers here,summers here"
Children chat and play,free at last
teenagers stay up late, raving and chilling
And adults lounge around and chat
Nothing can stop them cos...
"SUMMER TIMES HERE"
Drunken days, and embarrasing parents
forgotten nights and challenging days
lay ahead for the next few weeks
relaxing, is one of the tops
"PLAY TIME IS HERE"
But soon summer draws to a close
and winter wraps us up tight
cool drinks and swims are
replaced by cocoa and blankets
"summer times going..."
But the kids are counting down
cos soon it`ll be SUMMER
and there`s more havoc to spread
cos
"SUMMERS SOON TO COME...!"
one nice one YAYi
Im missing you...!
Im missing you with every breath i take
and every heartbeat i make
Im missing you, i wish to be near you, with you, HELPING you...
But theese are all fantasies and dreams
cos your were i cant reach you
your where ther`s warmth and sunshine
and happiness all around
But im counting down the days
waiting for the day when i`ll be reuninted with you
And this time nothing on earth or heaven will be able to tear us apart
the pain is coming again and this time
its getting harder...and harder..to...BREATHE..
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..SOZ!....
I close my eyes and suck in my last breath
saying farewell to all thoose i knew and loved, treasured
and now i wait for you to come for me, so i can jump and runa with you once more
and race into that light and warmth
Not long now....
i love you all but....
Goodbye....
I lie here alone and waiting
The weather grey and gloomy
My heart aches with longing
and the wind roars wildly about
I lay still and quiet
I look up, up
the skys weeping, and the winds howling
I lay back and stare up into the sky
A tree over hangs me, sheilding me from the outside world
The world seems to be in turmoil
Everyday the world tries to attract our attention
but we just push it away
THe wind rolls in pain and anger, it shares it sadness within us and around us
both of them make me feel better
They understand how i feel
the tears well up and burst
Im crying just like a river
But nobody cares, nobody listens,nobody figures
that there not the only one whoose screaming out for
HELP
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Nice :)
You have a unique style of writing.
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style..huh??? i guess there oki, i wonder, srry but did they make you feel for it or not..sorry
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(No need to apologise for anything) The amount of emotion the reader can feel from reading your poems tends to vary frompoem to poem, but each one always makes the reader feel something .
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sorry but any sadness or jsut twinges...
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sorry but any sadness or jsut twinges...
I'd say that it is a lot more then just twinges of sadness.
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oh...were they that bad...i tried to make people feel an inkling of how i felt somedays i guess....maybe
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I said: "A lot more than just twinges of sadness", meaning that the intensity of the emotions is quite high. (Sorry if I was a bit unclear)
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no no that was me being unclear...in the head LOL
Please don't Necro threads older then two weeks.
~Tezztor