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Creative Arts and Media => Creative Writing => Topic started by: Fable on March 28, 2017, 03:25:34 AM

Title: The story of Talon (and maybe others?)
Post by: Fable on March 28, 2017, 03:25:34 AM

For the past few days I've really wanted to write out Talon's back story and just have been way too lazy. So today While I'm putting off doing other more important things I'll finally write part of this instead. I really enjoy writing but I am awful when It comes to my ability to spell- or for that matter my grammar could use a lot of work- so If you notice something wrong please call me out so I can fix it.
Eventually I might write parts of Fable's story as well but *shrug* I don't know yet.





Talon (when he was just a little cub- about 3ish)


    Talon peeks over the tall yellowed grass carefully. He scans his surroundings until he spots his target then quickly falls to his stomach to wiggle his way through the grass seemingly unnoticed. He wiggles closer and closer with his ears straining to hear if the target moves. Finally when he is just close enough he bounds out of his hiding place and lunges forward. He yelps and lets out a high pitched laugh as he is instantly caught and wrestled to the ground.
   "You're getting good at that, but not good enough to sneak up on me, little one." His mother says, smiling down at her little cub. She nuzzles and knocks him around and he playfully nips and swats at her as they play. Talon play bites at her hands as he tries to stay on his feet. She picks him up with her strong arms and throws him high into the air then catches him. She does this many times loving to see her cub so happy and full of energy. Talon whoops and smiles happily as he falls back into his mother's arms and nuzzles against her hugging her neck.
   His mother falls backwards into the grass holding him to her chest. "Well be moving back into the clan soon..." she says stroking either side of his long fluffy mane. He still has all his silky soft and light baby fur.
   Talons eyes close happily and his ears droop as his mother pets his mane.
   "We'll be leaving this den, and then you'll get to meet your sisters, and you'll be able to meet the clan leader." His mother holds him very tightly for a few moment and Talon looks up, worried. He can sense his mother's distress, but doesn't understand.
   "We don't hav'ta go if you don't wanna." He says watching his mothers worried eyes.
   She shakes her head "Yes we do baby" She says gently "The clan is our family, our home, and our protection. It's very important we go back. Plus don't you want to meet your sisters?"
   Talon shrugs having grown up so far only knowing his mother's company he really doesn't know if he'd want to know his sisters or not. He's never met a single other hyena. He's seen them from a distance but anytime one came around his mother would race over and chase them away, sometimes quite violently. "Mama?"
   "Yes, baby?"
   "If clan so important, why don't we already live there?"
    At first his mother doesn't answer. She takes a few deep breaths and pets his mane. She seems to start to say something many times but never is able to commit and say what was on her mind. "You'll understand when you're older." She eventually says.
    Talons mane flares up in anger, "Imma big boy! tell me!" He shouts.
    His mother throws back her head with a loud and deep laugh at her baby boy all poofed up and angry looking, yet still so small. "You're all grown up, huh?"
   "Yes!"
    "Then why are you so weak, huh?" She teases playfully trapping him with her powerful arms.
    Talon wiggles and struggles against her kicking his paws in frustration. Finally, hes able to wiggle out of her grip and tumbles backwards into the dirt making him giggle. His attempting to escape her grasp makes the young cub forget his anger or his questions and all he wants to do is play again! So he sticks out his tongue and waits for his mother to retaliate.
   His mother jumps up onto all four, stalking closer to him, and then pounces and starts mercilessly tickling him. This leads to a chasing and tickling fight in this secluded little area of the grass lands.
















I'll write more- Probably tomorrow- of when they get to their little village and all that good stuff.
Talon's voice as a little kid I think would sound a lot like Flower's little kid voice in Bambi, Just that really soft and innocent voice.

Title: Re: The story of Talon (and maybe others?)
Post by: Albie on March 28, 2017, 03:58:32 AM

This is cute and sweet.  I like the mother and son dynamic.  Put a smile on my face.  :)

I do see quite a few typos and errors.  Please don't let it discourage your story telling as I hope you find it helpful.  I posted them in the spoilers as you mentioned that you wanted to know.

You put "hiding pace"  instead of "hiding place"

"His mother says smiling down" should be "His mother says, smiling down"

"She does this many Times" should have a lower case t for times

" into his mothers arms" should be " into his mother's arms"

" tightly for a few moment and Talon looks up worried" should be " tightly for a few moments and Talon looks up, worried"

"sense his mothers distress but doesn't understand. " should be "sense his mother's distress, but doesn't understand. "

"knowing his mothers company" should be "knowing his mother's company"

"them away sometimes quite violently" should be "them away, sometimes quite violently"

"mama?" should be "Mama?"

"Yes baby?" should be "Yes, baby?"

"she seems to start" should start with a capitol S

"understand when your older" should be "understand when you're older"

"angry looking yet still" should be "angry looking, yet still"

"You're all grown up huh" should be "You're all grown up, huh"

"so weak huh?" should be "so weak, huh?"

"frustrating" should read "frustration"

"Finally hes able to wiggle" should be "Finally, he's able to wiggle"

"onto all four stalking closer to him and then" should be "onto all fours, stalking closer to him, and then"

Title: Re: The story of Talon (and maybe others?)
Post by: Fable on March 28, 2017, 04:41:41 AM

Thank you, Albie!
I don't know why but my brain just does not catch those mistakes. They should all be corrected now.
and also I'm glad you like my little story so far!

Title: Re: The story of Talon (and maybe others?)
Post by: Albie on March 28, 2017, 04:47:25 AM

All I know is that with two characters it is super cute.  So I have a feeling that when they get to the village and there are more that it will increase the cuteness that much.  ^_^