The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: Pea on March 04, 2017, 09:37:43 PM
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Hi! My name is Pea, and I am a recovering alcoholic.
My recovery is an ongoing process and may very well be for the length of my life. As of my typing this I am now two months sober from alcohol. And to my surprise it's been much harder than I ever expected it to be. I used to think to myself, "I can drop this at any time." But never did. Never even attempted. As my problem became worse and worse, I began to wake up. Slowly but surely. It got to the point where I knew I had made one mistake too many. Just one day after waking up, not knowing what I did the night before, I knew it was time to stop.
Now here I am. On the path to recovery almost entirely on my own. My main coping method is effective, but may not be the best long term solution. I walk every single night for hours on end, thinking to myself and listening to audio books. At this stage I should really begin looking for other solutions, habits, hobbies and even friends.
Perhaps you lovelies could help me there? I'd appreciate any kind words or advice.
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You must be a really strong person :)
It's definitely hard to stop a certain habit especially when you getting addicted to it. One thing is for sure tho that you are making progress. You see I never had any strong addiction to break but I've seen others and I know the struggle.
I would suggest seeking help from a friend or a family member to kinda "monitor" your drinking behaviour and when they notice you are tempted to drink kinda help you take your mind off..
I am sorry I have no helpful suggestions to make but I wanted to say well done and keep going on :) . I am sure one day you'll get rid of this addiction and you'll be feeling much better ^_^ .
Be strong! ^_^
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Good luck and stay strong!
I wish I had some sage advice but I don't, either way I wanted to leave a message wishing you well in breaking from your addiction.
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Thank you so much you two. I've thought about getting my family involved, but as far as things go I'd like to tackle this by myself mainly. I suppose it's pride getting in the way of that, but I believe if I can't do this of my own will and action alone, then I probably never can truly get over it. That's why I'm looking for things to occupy the time I would have otherwise spent drinking. Ive kept myself very secluded from friends and family through the worst of it, and that's something I'll have to ease back into. I've been thinking of buying a cheap and small netbook to begin writing in while I'm out at night.
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I think getting a notebook would be a good idea.
It's always been really helpful for me to write things down and write down different thoughts to help get through some difficult times so I think a journal could be really helpful.
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DUDE! :D
Glad to see things are looking up, Pea! Good luck! I'm around all day if you wanna chat. And I still owe you for saving my ass. :P
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You don't owe me a thing. Being your friend is as much as I could ever want. It's good to see you, and to be here on the forums again.
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Hello Pea :)
I have seen you around here and there, and I have to say you seem like a pretty awesome person.
Especially now. You're acknowledging things have been really bad for you and acknowledging what was going on was wrong, and you have been trying and are still on your way to improving your life.
I see a few already posted a few suggestions. Asking others for help, writing in a notebook. All good suggestions already. The notebook I would definitely also put forth.
And as for asking friends/family to help, there is no shame in that. You'd still be doing it yourself. They can't be expected to have your back anyways 24/7. In a way, you could also see asking for help not as a weakness, but rather as a strength. It's another form of acknowledgement you have had and are having a difficult time. You need to have a variety of safety-levels to fall back on. Maybe not so much asking them for help to monitor you, but moreso that you are in touch with them. Communicate. Go with them when things are difficult. This is often a really good thing to have. Don't ask them or see them as monitoring-buddies (so to speak), but ask them and see them as friends and family. Places you can go to to talk to and with.
Since you asked for advice I'll give some of my own... I'm not sure this is helpful, but regardless, let's see.
Some people have indeed hobbies outside of work and whatnot more (unless sometimes their work is also their hobby). Things I think about as hobbies and fun things:
Drawing, painting, writing, roleplaying, talking to people (moreso in real life than online, I would suggest to you), making things like arts and crafts, gaming, coding (making websites, programs, games), etc.
I think, however, it's best you try all kinds of things. PFF EVEN POTTERY, I dunno! All kinds of things. See what is fun to you.
I think it's best moreso if the thing you enjoy is in some shape or form productive as well. See, gaming can be fun, but does it produce anything? (I mean besides achievements and whatnot.) Usually not. Whereas drawing/painting/writing can produce something. If it's traditional you have something to hold and touch. Something you can maybe put near your bed and wake up to it to see: You had made something.
I think that's important. Something you can see. Something that is tangeble to you.
Maybe this isn't for you, but maybe it is.
I hope it helps.
And take care :)
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my only advice is to have someone with you for most of the day, you could tell them about it and they could make sure you dont drink! ^w^ ive never been addicted to anything (well mabye video games!) so im not really a good person to go to for advice! so you can ignore that! anyways i wish you the best of luck and i hope you pull though! ^w^
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Hey Pea
You can't know how much I admire you. You have chosen to do battle and even if the path is difficult you have already done the hardest part.
There are two elements I feel you should tackle. Firstly, your approach so far is a good one. The best way to break a habit is to replace it with another habit. So walking is perfect for that and indeed taking on other hobbies etc is great too. Especially if you ever find yourself unable to walk for a few weeks or something.
Secondly, there is a high probability that there was something in your life for which alcohol was a coping mechanism. If that is the case you should do your best to identify what alcohol "helped" you deal with and address it.
The only other thing I'd add is that I genuinely hope you never relapse, but if you ever do stumble don't tell yourself that you're back at square one. That is a common but false feeling. Sometimes it takes a few attempts, but quitting any addiction is a skill that you get better at with practice.
I have real hope for your success!
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Id reccomend finding a local AA meeting. Im 5 years clean and sober and couldnt imagine being here without them
Congratualtions on 2 months dude
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Thank you kalan. I've tried AA and it isn't the solution for me. I did used to go, and I still do to let the folks there know I'm okay
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I'm sorry for taking so long to respond back to you Vixen. Something you said got me a little anxious and scared even. That talk about relapsing. I don't want to believe it can happen. I'm in total denial at the moment. I suspect it's because I'm terrified of it.
Thank you, however, for your words of encouragement. You've already helped so much to keep my head held high and had more of an impact than you probably think. Thank you so very much Vixen.
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I helped my boyfriend to quit smoking so I am kinda seeing this the same way.
You see he was sometimes relapsing but as Vixen said, if you do happen to relapse that doesn't mean you blew it an you gotta start all over again. What I suggest is that if you feel like you are about to drink or drunk something tell it to someone that can help you kinda monitor it.
Also I am not sure how it's more proper to do this, but my boyfriend didn't quit smoking immediately but he did it little by little. Like there were hard moments sometimes where he needed to smoke. When he stopped smoking all together he started vaping and now he quit vaping as well. What I am trying to say is maybe find a way to compensate the cravings you feel on certain occasions. I think it's harder to give up on an addiction in one go..
Anyways I hope I helped kinda ^_^ Please keep this updated because many people (including me) are willing to help you always :)
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@Vortex: I just want to point out that for each person it's different. It's very dangerous to suggest to someone who is actively trying to quit with something they have a problem to take a little bit now and again and reduce it more and more. Sometimes it's best for people to quit it altogether (like in this instance). It really depends on person to person and what the substance is we would be talking about.
I've noticed from personal experience if people have the willpower to stop and want to stop (might be harder for some than for others), they will do so immediately and not drag it out until it's reduced. People who have more issues are more likely to not stop entirely, and if they do reduce it more and more, it usually won't last for long. That's just my experience, however (coming from a family of which both sides (used to) smoke).
While I understand this is an idea to quit in another manner and just a suggestion, which might help with other substances, it can be dangerous to suggest this in these circumstances and I'm much happier to hear Pea stopped with it altogether.
It is best indeed to find something else to do to keep your mind off of it. Such various suggestions have already been made in the thread as response to Pea's question :) But maybe (not sure, though?) if Pea would like some more suggestions? I'm sure he would appreciate all the help he can get.
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if you enjoy them, video games are a great distraction and they help with stress (for some people) if you find a certain video game is very stressful but you want to play it, try listening to music while you play it, that seems to blow off alot of that stress, i have a massive list of great video games to play if you want, but if video games aren't your thing mabye try drawing more or roleplaying or listening to music! thats all i can think of right now! >w<
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I'm an alcoholic and I'll be honest - don't expect to quit it here and now. I know people who went through rehab and returned to drinking after years of being sober. No one knows whether you'll be sober for the rest of your life or you'll get hammered out of boredom. Here are some tips:
1. Try to gradually limit the amount of alcohol that you normally consume, don't try to immediately become fully abstinent
2. Distraction like games and movies is a good idea, but try to avoid ones that involve drinking alcohol
3. Don't give up if you'll end up being completely wasted, just try again and again. It's not easy
4. Do it for yourself. Stop drinking to live longer without regretting saying some dumb ass shit while you were drunk
I don't know your family or friends so I have no idea if asking them for help is a good thing. If they are supportive and are willing to actively help you then go ahead and ask them for help and support. Be honest with it, don't sugar coat it.
Alcoholism can be as bad as drug addiction. It's **censor** hard to quit it, but you can do it if you really want to.
That's it, there are no magical 100% effective solutions to that. I know it sucks and staying sober will be a pain in the ass for a very long time. Good luck mate.
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Thank you Brigand for your support there. I've already dropped drinking cold turkey at the beginning of the year. I'm now two and a half months sober. It's less and less of a struggle, but I still find moments of intense urge to guzzle a drink. Even talking about it makes me crave... I'm getting through it so far. I'm now in possession of that laptop I mentioned and am using it now at a local cafe. I'm naming it my Creation Station. It's blank white, perfect for drawing on or placing stickers. The journey with this device is going to be grand, I can tell.
And thank you as well Ventus. I remember you from a few years back when I was last active here. My memory is quite poor though. Things are very vague. Back then I was only just beginning to fall into the grime of alcoholism. I'm 25 now. Had my first drink and got drunk at the age of 14. Got caught in a crowd of hoodlums two years later after living a sheltered life. From then on I drank at every opportunity, not that many presented themselves until later years. I joined here when I was 19 years old and just entering as I was collapsing into the worst depression of my life. There in a basement I stayed for 7 months living with nearly no contact to anyone outside the downstairs. I came out a different person certainly. A scalie absolutely. A monster totally, left utterly unprepared for a bright and terrible future. I had dread of my 21st hatchday to come. And I was damned the day it did.
I don't actually remember that day, and not because of my poor memory. It was then the gates were sent swinging wide open into the second most difficult struggle of my life. Eventually any and all creativity or inspiration to do anything I once loved more than nearly anything else disappeared almost entirely. My life became something I was trapped in, dark and alone. I wasn't me anymore. More and more I fell deeper into this sickness. This plummet continued up until January 2nd, to be honest. I had made a resolution passively to make 2017 my big year. To finally wake up, sober up and get up. I immediately failed that, and something clicked.
Here we are now. I really hope that through all of this, I never did any of you any harm. If I have, I am trying to atone for it. To any of you who I may have hurt or wronged, I can't explain how sorry I am enough. My shame is great and heavy, and is probably the most difficult thing I am dealing with at this stage. I ask forgiveness and nothing more. Evna, Ventus, Trixsie, I am so sorry.
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Hey there again, Pea :)
Wow, you remember me? x3 I remember seeing you around and I checked any artworks you would post. Other than that I can't recall we actually talked with each other? Either way, I'm actually happily surprised you remember me ;D
You have no need to apologise to me. To my knowledge you haven't hurt me in any way. Anything that you are doing is now for yourself, but in a good way. And it should be. You're learning to deal with things and gaining experience. That's what life is about in my eyes; Gaining experience and learning from mistakes to become a better person.
I can't speak for the others, of course, but I hope that's one less burden for you from my side.
As of which: Congrats for being 2,5 months sober. If anything does happen or you are struggling, please don't hesitate to talk with me/us/anyone else, ok?
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Intense urges to drink are normal youre brain is full of a chemical only found in alcoholics called THIQ. The full name is a long fancy word i dont know how to spell lol but it causes your brain to wamt alcohol. If you ever wanna study up on it type THIQ into google and prepare to read. The good news is the chemical goes dorminant after awhile if you starve it of alcohol
Through the five years ive heard one day at a time so many times and its absolutely true all you can do is one day at a time. Congratulations on 2 and a half months