The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: Sub-Zero Knight on December 31, 2016, 01:05:52 AM
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*Sigh* Here goes nothing...
Just slightly over a year ago, me and my boyfriend were inseparable. I loved him more than anything, her loved me... everything was perfect. We've been together a year now, and I still love him just as much as always, but I'm not so sure he still loves me. He can hardly call me his girlfriend anymore, he seems completely resistant to all acts of affection.... he didn't even bother to wish me a merry Christmas or anything, but yet he did to all his other friends... I'm not sure what happened, but I wasn't being clingy or anything... but yet I still wonder if it's my fault. I'm jus really confused and sad and I just need someone to talk to right now, and maybe give me some advice.
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I'm not an expert in relationships or anything (clearly), but I still do have some experience in the area (not great experience, but experience).
Still, I do understand humans (sometimes, at least), and I could try to see this dilemma from both sides. You may feel a loss of affection from his side, but if that's true, what is the cause of that? You claimed to not be clingy or anything, but have you been absent in any way? I'm not saying that this is your fault (far from it), but we have to take all possibilities into account.
I don't want to barge into your relationship, but if I knew a little more, maybe I could try to find out more about why he's acting like he is.
Again, I'm not an expert, but I do think I could give it a shot.
I hope the best for you two.
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when people drift it hurts. a lot. and i really sympathies with what your feeling (broke up with my girl friend of three years a month ago)
But in the situation no matter how scary or nerve wreaking it can be you just have to talk to him. Ask whats going on and communicate. Its the only way to really know why he may be distant. don't just wait, because normally it'll only make things hurt more, just try and talk through everything- calmly.
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But in the situation no matter how scary or nerve wreaking it can be you just have to talk to him. Ask whats going on and communicate. Its the only way to really know why he may be distant. don't just wait, because normally it'll only make things hurt more, just try and talk through everything- calmly.
This. Talking about it is scary and can be painful, but not talking about it won't make it any better, and might make it worse. Just try not to make it sound like you're accusing or blaming him. That could make him feel defensive and clam up.
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From personal experience, there are a few things I'd want to address here.
It's always important to talk about it (if you two haven't already). A calm and civil discussion, maybe something has been bothering him (or you, or the both of you) and since no one is really talking to one another, but avoiding it... Well, that could have led to this situation you're in now.
Being in a relationship with someone else than I was before, I noticed there are differences with how things have been developping.
The situation you're in I experienced similarly with my previous partner. For a long while he didn't feel he loved me (he told me this way later). In fact, he didn't feel a love-connection when we started the relationship. (Whether he ever loved me is the question.) I won't go into personal details about why he didn't want to continue the relationship, but he apparently never really wanted to be in a relationship to begin with. He always put his family and friends first as well.
You can assume I feel a couple of my years have been wasted spending time with this person whow asn't open and honest with his feelings.
I talked with my ex for all those years, trying to figure out what the problem is. With whatever it was (be it the relationship or other things) he was never honest. Never telling me what was exactly bothering him.
See, it can't work out if you get to the talking part and the other isn't being open about what's going on.
I now have been in a ('new') relationship and an amount of time has passed I can start comparing it to the previous one. The person I am with now has always been there for me for years. He always wants to talk with me (sometimes even admitting he wants to talk but isn't sure how to talk about things), and he actually is open about his feelings and thoughts. He also understands me when I'm feeling stuck or down. In fact, sometimes he will stay up for me, even if he has to get up early the next day.
That's something I hadn't experienced with my previous relationship. Of course I don't know how things will go from here on out, but it already feels as a breath of fresh air, especially since I know for sure this time I'm not the only one who is putting in effort into the relationship and loving the other before we actually got together.
If you notice your partner is not honest, trying to emotionally blackmail you, making you do everything for him while he barely gives anything in return... Have a serious talk about it.
See what he says.
But if he continues to this this to you, I would say break it off. It's not worth it. Trust me.
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Thanks for the advice/encouragement guys ^-^
You may feel a loss of affection from his side, but if that's true, what is the cause of that? You claimed to not be clingy or anything, but have you been absent in any way? I'm not saying that this is your fault (far from it), but we have to take all possibilities into account.
I don't want to barge into your relationship, but if I knew a little more, maybe I could try to find out more about why he's acting like he is.
Again, I'm not an expert, but I do think I could give it a shot.
I hope the best for you two.
Now that you mention it, I might have been a little absent. Okay... maybe a lot absent. I'll PM you and see if you can help me figure out what I'm trying to say here. xP
And Ventus, yeah, I'll have to do that. Like I said, I've been pretty absent for a while, so it's definitely not his fault. Probably mine. He's been there for me since our relationship started, and pretty much never left my side once. Not to mention all the toug times he's helped me through. And also the few times where I couldn't talk to him for even just one day and it turned out he'd been worrying about me the entire time. I've probably just not been there for him like a should...