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Furry Chat => General => Topic started by: Goblin Cat 😸 on December 19, 2015, 05:48:13 PM

Title: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: Goblin Cat 😸 on December 19, 2015, 05:48:13 PM
Yes, here I am trying once more to make a thread for trans members of the forum. We have a thread for dysphoria, but I thought specifically, I could make a thread for sharing resources for those that are trans or those who are interested in reading up and educating themselves. As always, please be respectful of pronouns and trans members in general.

I tried something like this before, but it didn't really work out.

So to start off, here's a handy list of trans resources that  some people might find useful.
http://mortimus-maximus.tumblr.com/post/133093937346/trans-resources-please-signal-boost (http://mortimus-maximus.tumblr.com/post/133093937346/trans-resources-please-signal-boost)
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: The Past on December 21, 2015, 10:15:05 AM
I'm sorry if that post I made scared people off. D:

As mentioned in the dysphoria thread, I've wondered if I should have been a boy since I was a little kid. After many years of questioning and denial, as well as some talking with friends and my significant other, I've finally settled on transitioning. I plan on taking T as soon as I have the funds for it.

Luckily, my genetics are already on my side for this, I think. If it weren't for my long hair, hips, and average-size breasts, people could probably mistake me for a short young male at times. My voice is sort-of masculine (in the 12-year-old boy sense, but hey.)
I recently noticed I developed a faint mustache naturally, and it made my day. This might be a good sign for when I start taking T!
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: Goblin Cat 😸 on December 21, 2015, 07:19:31 PM
Sounds like you also have gender euphoria, which, as it sounds in comparison to dysphoria, is getting that good feeling when you're correctly gendered or notice things like your mustache. I remember when I was much younger I used to get that feeling when I'd present as male or null gendered on Secondlife. It's another indicator of being transgender, and I probably should have caught on earlier, but I had not been exposed to trans people and had no idea what any of it meant at the time. Either way, good luck, Geoffrey. As I've suggested to most trans people, it's probably also beneficial to find a trans support group in your area so you can share resources and knowledge, including ways to get your HRT covered. I'm not sure what state you live in or what insurance you have, but again, you might be able to have coverage for, at the very least, HRT.
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: The Past on December 21, 2015, 11:44:59 PM
Okay, so there is a word for that. It always made me happy when I noticed or imagined masculine traits with my body. I kept shrugging it off as just some weird fantasy of mine.

Whenever someone referred to me as "he" though (only happens online for mentioned reasons), as much as I liked it, my guilty "must tell the truth" thing in my brain would kick in, so I wouldn't keep that for long.

I'm living in Illinois right now, but I plan on moving to the East Coast within a couple years. I plan on waiting until then since I don't want to stress out my family about it, especially with the money and such. We're not doing too well with that, and my extremely good health insurance had to be dropped due to massive cost (about $400 a month for just me!), my current one is like half that, but even that's too much money for us at this rate. It's pretty cruddy, so I highly doubt it would cover HRT. Makes me wish I accepted things before I had to drop the good one.
But the person I'm moving in with supports my decision and is willing to help when finances get sorted on his end.

As for how my family would think, I'm sure they'd be inquisitive about it at first, but since I have shown notable clues of this throughout my life, it probably won't come as much of a surprise. It's more of a case of them getting used to that idea, fading use of the "daddy's little girl" thing.

Geoffrey is my fursona's name. I'm not sure what to call myself in real life when I transition. As much as I like the name Geoffrey and how he's become so similar to me, he's a separate story character of mine and I don't want much confusion.
I don't plan on changing my identity legally. It seems like a lot of work to deal with, and I'd rather see how well things go before jumping to that. I just want a good name to go by on standby for when I go about in my new life. I'm happy just being in a body I feel comfortable in, even if it confuses people at times.
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: Goblin Cat 😸 on December 22, 2015, 12:24:41 AM
You'd be surprised. I'm on the lowest insurance (state insurance) in CT and it covers my HRT and possibly top surgery (I'll be finding that out in January). My best advice, like I said, is finding a support group. Most will be willing to help you figure things out, including legal obstacles when they come.

Also there's no need to feel guilty about being yourself. The truth is, even if you've not undergone any transitioning yet, you are male. Your body is male, even if others will disagree or attempt to distance you from yourself. You're not lying when you say you're a male because you are a male! This, I've found is something that's hard to accept, especially if you've been brought up in the rigid gender binary.
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: George on December 22, 2015, 01:40:47 AM
Quote from: Mortimus-maximus on December 22, 2015, 12:24:41 AM
The truth is, even if you've not undergone any transitioning yet, you are male. Your body is male, even if others will disagree or attempt to distance you from yourself. You're not lying when you say you're a male because you are a male! This, I've found is something that's hard to accept, especially if you've been brought up in the rigid gender binary.

Not to be rude, Mort, but you need to make sure you look at things from both perspectives. You disapprove of people telling someone questioning their gender that they should just accept what they have, but why is it okay to push someone to change? Acceptance goes both ways, and you need to just let people do what they're comfortable with. Don't push someone one way or the other.

Trying to make choices for them is the very reason there's any sort of prejudice in the world in the first place!
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: Goblin Cat 😸 on December 22, 2015, 01:56:57 AM
I'm not pushing change on anyone. Evna has said they plan to transition and have always wanted to be male. I am merely reassuring them that even if they didn't transition, they are male because they say they are male. Your body does not dictate your gender and that is that. I was responding to the line that they were fine keeping up male until their body made them feel guilty. Either way, this is an A and B conversation and if you're so concerned with me speaking over Evna, you should let them dictate whether or not I am making them uncomfortable.
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: George on December 22, 2015, 04:58:10 AM
This is an open thread, PM's are A and B. Isn't everyone allowed input on public discussions?
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: The Past on December 22, 2015, 05:12:06 AM
In my personal case, I do accept that I have a female body, and as such I have no problem with people referring to me as female in a physical biological context. I simply feel I would be more comfortable in a male body, and as such my transition is just for myself, not for other people or society and the like. Which is also why I'm in no rush to change my information legally.
The legal stuff is just... legal stuff. A file in record. It's not personal, it doesn't show me as a person. It's me who shows that.

It's possible I may have to change it eventually though, I dunno. I don't expect to change a whole lot appearance-wise while taking T. The most I expect is a lot more hair and a lower-pitched, but not too deep, voice (based on the men in my family). At this rate, top surgery is quite a few years away, and the other surgeries may be impossible, and probably won't be worth the money in the long run, since I'm more concerned with affording to eat than the appearance of my netherbits.
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: anoni on December 22, 2015, 08:04:47 AM
Quote from: George on December 22, 2015, 04:58:10 AM
This is an open thread, PM's are A and B. Isn't everyone allowed input on public discussions?

I'm surprised you can't tell the difference between these two scenarios

A: "I'm X"
B: "Just accept that you're Y"

And
A: "I like being Y, but I can't think that way cause I feel guilty about saying I'm not X"
B: "Don't feel guilty, you are Y if you want to be"

One is pushing, one is something else entirely xD


I'm not transgender but I have a lot of transgender friends. And just wanted to interject here xD
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: George on December 22, 2015, 09:03:02 AM
Fair enough. I just thought it looked a too pushy, so I wanted to state the other side of things. I'm not against the transition in general, just the way Mort's description sounded so...obligatory.  The only thing Geoffrey/Evna (not sure which you use right now) said (s)he was guilty about was lying about gender online. So yes, I can tell the difference between the scenarios, but this one was neither of the two you described.
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: The Past on December 22, 2015, 09:50:12 AM
Evnamishko is still my username, Geoffrey is my fursona's name (not trans related). Made it that way so people wouldn't keep getting confused. Maybe I should reverse the order? X_x;;

Edit 1: Eh, **censor** it. Sticking with just my username again. Anyway, yeah. It wasn't a case of me actively lying, it's people assuming I'm male and me feeling the need to correct them due to feeling like I'm lying otherwise.

Edit 2: After learning of some other info, I'm back to questioning if I should actually go through with transitioning. I'd rather not get into why, plus my brain is a bit overloaded right now so I can't really explain well anyway.
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: Goblin Cat 😸 on December 22, 2015, 05:59:58 PM
That was more or less me politely trying to say to stay in your own lane, George. I'm not here to argue or push. What I did was exactly scenario 2 of what Anoni described.

And Evna, there's nothing wrong with remaining questioning. Coming to terms with something like that is a process and it happens as you learn and become more comfortable. You are not more or less trans if you do not wish to transition. Being trans is an individualized experience. There is no one narrative. The only thing that dictates whether or not you're trans is whether or not you identify with the gender you were assigned with at birth. If you don't, you're trans. You don't have to ID as male to be trans. Maybe you're nonbinary? Who knows. Not me!
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: The Past on December 22, 2015, 11:57:56 PM
Yeah, I'm still leaning toward transitioning. I was just up all night thinking so deeply about stuff my brain got overheated. I got some sleep and I'm feeling better now.

What I'm worried about is feeding into a fantasy I'll proceed to obsess over if I start transitioning. I want my transition to aid my life, not be my life, basically. I think I just need to get out of the house and settle down the hype before making any firm decisions. I've been isolated for a year due to depression/laziness and it's taking an even bigger toll on my mental and physical health.
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: Goblin Cat 😸 on December 23, 2015, 11:39:06 PM
Depression and isolation can be an indicator of dysphoria, just an fyi. Transition will be a big part of your life, if you decide to do it and there's nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't call it a fantasy if it's truly how you feel, but that's just me.

Regardless, found a nice article on the Cosmo website about 17 things not to say to a trans person (http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/love-sex/relationships/news/a40328/things-never-say-trans-person/). It's pretty good read for allies.
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: The Past on December 24, 2015, 07:23:11 AM
Yeah, that's true. I'm afraid of leaving what I'm used to and rocking the boat. I like being in the background, and despite the change being appealing, I'm scared of stepping out of my shell.

I hear once I actually try HRT and do it for a few months, my mind will be more easily settled one way or the other.

I'm sorry I'm hogging the thread so much. I'm stuck between acceptance and feeling I'm jumping to conclusion. I'm excited but worried I'm going the wrong path.
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: Goblin Cat 😸 on December 24, 2015, 08:05:00 PM
It's natural to feel as if you're jumping to conclusions when people are constantly questioning your validity and saying things like 'It's just a phase' or 'but are you sure???' but to put it lightly, cis people don't spend all that much time thinking about their gender like you have. Transition, as I said before, is a big step, not just for yourself, but literally everyone around you. It's an adjustment to say the least, but in the end, in my opinion (and how it's reflected in statistics), it's worth it to feel comfortable as yourself. After all, you're the one that has to deal with yourself the most, why shouldn't you be happy about being you?

I know when I began HRT, it did a lot for my confidence and helped me 'pass' better as the gender I wanted to be perceived as. It helped me feel more comfortable, and once I got a taste of that, I couldn't help but think to myself 'feck what anyone else thinks, this is what I want.' I actually spent a lot of time agonizing over whether I wanted to transition much like you have because I was afraid of how people would react or what they would think of me. Or rather, I was worried about doing HRT. Top surgery was something I wanted whether or not I presented as male, female, or anything in between.

And you're not hogging the thread, you're participating in discussion just as the thread was intended for, so feel free to post on. I think most everyone else is a bit afraid to post for one reason or another. I don't mind mistakes, but I do plan to correct if I see something not so nice.
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: Rho'Syn Ilwynog on December 24, 2015, 08:25:02 PM
I wanted to throw my story out there for anyone who needs help with it.


Disclaimer: Though I consider myself Bi-Gendered IRL, I identified as transgender for more than three years, recently. I don't fit into either gender by itself. Also, I don't plan on transitioning. As much as I feel I am female in soul, going through the process of transitioning isn't something I want to do in my life.


I always knew something was off when I was growing up. My body didn't grow the way I really imagined it to, and I never saw myself as a "guy" in personality. I wasn't super effeminate, but I definitely wasn't male in my own view of what it was.


I came out as Trans when I was in high school, thankfully, to a warm appreciation (I went to an alternative art high school so it's not too much of a stretch of the imagination). After high school, I helped start the Transponder support group in my area. I wanted to go through the transition at first, but the more I thought about the surgery, medication, and money it would take, the less I wanted to do it.


Nowadays, I consider myself "A woman experiencing a man's life". IRL, I have a handlebar mustache, I dress in "guy" clothes, and present as male to the world, but to those select few who know the truth, it's a part of what makes me, me. Though if someone said they could wave a magic wand and make me a woman I probably would jump at the chance >.>
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: Goblin Cat 😸 on December 25, 2015, 03:51:25 AM
And this is why I like to stress that each trans person is different. Just because you choose to "transition partially" or not at all doesn't mean you're any less transgender than someone who goes all out and goes from one gender to another with all the operations. I myself don't plan to get anything after top surgery as my dysphoria for my nethers is not as severe as say that of my breasts and I still plan to ID as agender even if I do present mostly masculine.

I could say the same thing happened with me growing up except when puberty happened, my male friends went one way, the females another, and there I was in the middle fitting into neither side and upset/frustrated that I was dealing with the changes I was having. My mom even told me that when she tried to warn me about puberty, I told her flat out that I wasn't doing it... Then my body proceeded not to until my mom had me see a doctor about it and basically induce puberty for me at 17.

If only I had known what transgender people were, perhaps things would have happened differently for me.
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: The Past on January 10, 2016, 03:53:35 AM
Do you know if Walmart has anything good that will work as a safe binder? I can't order anything online and I can't drive, and Walmart is the only store relevant within walking distance. If not, do you know of any other US stores that might, in case I get the chance to go to one?
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: Goblin Cat 😸 on January 11, 2016, 04:15:41 AM
Not that I can think of at the moment; though I have heard of people using spanx to kind of bind. If not that, smaller sports bras can do it, methinks. It may not be as good as a binder, but that's how it is, unfortunately. A lot of binders that I've seen have been either through online purchases or exchanges and trades through trans support groups.
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: Goblin Cat 😸 on February 06, 2016, 01:11:12 AM
http://www.buzzfeed.com/meredithtalusan/cissexist-bullshit-translator#.nbZZKzQG5 (http://www.buzzfeed.com/meredithtalusan/cissexist-bullshit-translator#.nbZZKzQG5)
A nice feature on buzzfeed!
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: Zae on February 06, 2016, 03:12:25 PM
Quote from: Evnamishko on January 10, 2016, 03:53:35 AM
Do you know if Walmart has anything good that will work as a safe binder? I can't order anything online and I can't drive, and Walmart is the only store relevant within walking distance. If not, do you know of any other US stores that might, in case I get the chance to go to one?

Depending on the size of your chest, as Mort said, using a size or two down from your actual size with sports bras works fairly decently, and imo is much more comfortable than a binder. But as to be expected, with larger chests it's less effective. I personally don't bind at all anymore, a baggy shirt is enough for me.

Quote from: Mortimus-maximus on February 06, 2016, 01:11:12 AM
http://www.buzzfeed.com/meredithtalusan/cissexist-bullshit-translator#.nbZZKzQG5 (http://www.buzzfeed.com/meredithtalusan/cissexist-bullshit-translator#.nbZZKzQG5)
A nice feature on buzzfeed!

Oh boy, prepare for me to rub people the wrong way.

This is anything but a nice feature, in my opinion. In fact it's one of the many reasons I have such a hard time taking most trans people seriously - shit like this. So I'll break it down to each panel and maybe go off on a bit of a ramble from there.

In the first panel, sure it could be implying he's saying all trans people look ugly, but consider the image MEDIA gives the common citizen of trans people. I cannot give many examples of this, personally I avoid social media and television, so I have no idea what is currently popular or playing BUT what I do know is that I HAVE seen trans people represented on TV, usually as comedic relief or jokes in general, and not in a particularily good way. So that would be an issue with the MEDIA, not individuals. Also regardless if someone said this to me, I wouldn't focus on the negitive side of things. He said you look good, regardless whether you might think it has a slight negative canotation or not, take pride in the fact you've changed their perspective.

I have no idea why it is an issue to state you've never met a trans person before. Sure, perhaps this person has walked by or worked with many trans people and never knew! But, he's just stating he has never met a trans person and been aware of their trans identity. There is nothing **censor** wrong with that statement, its just being nitpicky imo.

W.. How can this third one... HOW IS THIS TAKEN NEGATIVELY. I swear to god this is just oozing tumblr, this entire comic. "I would date a trans person." Positive statement, but from the TUMBLR PERSPECTIVE, DAT SHIT PROBLEMATIC (https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CPPIObRWgAA0Nv_.jpg:large). Like holy horseshit, that must mean saying "I would date a man/woman/POC/asian/dinosaur" is ALSO implying they're all usually undateable too! And ya know, that it's not just individual preference!

Fourth one isn't entirely wrong. By "real" woman, I'm going to assume they mean biological, nothing else. So, saying you look like a "real" woman would actually be a compliment, because they'd be saying you look like a biological woman, why is that so hard to grasp? Because, no, from a scientific stance trans women (or men) aren't actually biological women (or men). But as per usual, tumblr has to twist everything into a negative view, because muh hugbox mentality.

The fifth, lets make some quick assumptions I can base my arguement on. Lets assume these two are fairly close friends, and perhaps the girl had a crush on the dude. Now, with that understanding, why would it be so wrong for her to say that? Maybe now knowing he's trans she's no longer interested in a romantic relationship, and saved them both hardship down the road? Or with them being close friends, and if she's at all like me, sharing close, personal information with a dear friend is a very important bonding experience. There is literally nothing that suggests toward the second quote.

Assuming this guy is saying it from a sexual point, so **censor** what? If he has a fetish for trans people, who gives a rats ass? Fetishes exist for everything, I say live and let live, his fetish harms no one.

Seventh, I have to agree with the "problematic" statement. Yeah, it is hard to switch pronouns, for both the person transitioning, and especially for the people who know that person! It took me a good 6 months to start calling MYSELF by the correct pronouns, and even now, a year into my transition I still react whenever I hear my birth name. My mom still slips up and calls me my birth name, or she, but do I care, do I put it against her? Of course not! Yeah, I get a little annoyed, but I know she's not doing it on purpose. It's harder for some people to switch, and often takes time and practice. Patience is key here.

Holy shit. Just. JUST. "I don't have a problem with trans people" = "I have a problem with trans people" wait... WHAT. I really don't think I need to explain why this is bullshit, lmao.

Tumblr. At it's finest.


Quick edit, too. I think this is one of those moments where it's appropriate to say "Don't dish what you can't take."

If someone who was a "cis" male made a comic about all the BS trans people said, tumblr and im sure other social media sites would be all over it like white on rice, razzing and hating on said artist/person. Really I do not see any need for this comic, it's just asking for trouble and helping NO ONE.
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: George on February 07, 2016, 01:23:48 AM
Quote from: Zaelis'Xae on February 06, 2016, 03:12:25 PM
Quote from: Evnamishko on January 10, 2016, 03:53:35 AM
Do you know if Walmart has anything good that will work as a safe binder? I can't order anything online and I can't drive, and Walmart is the only store relevant within walking distance. If not, do you know of any other US stores that might, in case I get the chance to go to one?

Depending on the size of your chest, as Mort said, using a size or two down from your actual size with sports bras works fairly decently, and imo is much more comfortable than a binder. But as to be expected, with larger chests it's less effective. I personally don't bind at all anymore, a baggy shirt is enough for me.

Quote from: Mortimus-maximus on February 06, 2016, 01:11:12 AM
http://www.buzzfeed.com/meredithtalusan/cissexist-bullshit-translator#.nbZZKzQG5 (http://www.buzzfeed.com/meredithtalusan/cissexist-bullshit-translator#.nbZZKzQG5)
A nice feature on buzzfeed!

Oh boy, prepare for me to rub people the wrong way.

This is anything but a nice feature, in my opinion. In fact it's one of the many reasons I have such a hard time taking most trans people seriously - shit like this. So I'll break it down to each panel and maybe go off on a bit of a ramble from there.

In the first panel, sure it could be implying he's saying all trans people look ugly, but consider the image MEDIA gives the common citizen of trans people. I cannot give many examples of this, personally I avoid social media and television, so I have no idea what is currently popular or playing BUT what I do know is that I HAVE seen trans people represented on TV, usually as comedic relief or jokes in general, and not in a particularily good way. So that would be an issue with the MEDIA, not individuals. Also regardless if someone said this to me, I wouldn't focus on the negitive side of things. He said you look good, regardless whether you might think it has a slight negative canotation or not, take pride in the fact you've changed their perspective.

I have no idea why it is an issue to state you've never met a trans person before. Sure, perhaps this person has walked by or worked with many trans people and never knew! But, he's just stating he has never met a trans person and been aware of their trans identity. There is nothing **censor** wrong with that statement, its just being nitpicky imo.

W.. How can this third one... HOW IS THIS TAKEN NEGATIVELY. I swear to god this is just oozing tumblr, this entire comic. "I would date a trans person." Positive statement, but from the TUMBLR PERSPECTIVE, DAT SHIT PROBLEMATIC (https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CPPIObRWgAA0Nv_.jpg:large). Like holy horseshit, that must mean saying "I would date a man/woman/POC/asian/dinosaur" is ALSO implying they're all usually undateable too! And ya know, that it's not just individual preference!

Fourth one isn't entirely wrong. By "real" woman, I'm going to assume they mean biological, nothing else. So, saying you look like a "real" woman would actually be a compliment, because they'd be saying you look like a biological woman, why is that so hard to grasp? Because, no, from a scientific stance trans women (or men) aren't actually biological women (or men). But as per usual, tumblr has to twist everything into a negative view, because muh hugbox mentality.

The fifth, lets make some quick assumptions I can base my arguement on. Lets assume these two are fairly close friends, and perhaps the girl had a crush on the dude. Now, with that understanding, why would it be so wrong for her to say that? Maybe now knowing he's trans she's no longer interested in a romantic relationship, and saved them both hardship down the road? Or with them being close friends, and if she's at all like me, sharing close, personal information with a dear friend is a very important bonding experience. There is literally nothing that suggests toward the second quote.

Assuming this guy is saying it from a sexual point, so **censor** what? If he has a fetish for trans people, who gives a rats ass? Fetishes exist for everything, I say live and let live, his fetish harms no one.

Seventh, I have to agree with the "problematic" statement. Yeah, it is hard to switch pronouns, for both the person transitioning, and especially for the people who know that person! It took me a good 6 months to start calling MYSELF by the correct pronouns, and even now, a year into my transition I still react whenever I hear my birth name. My mom still slips up and calls me my birth name, or she, but do I care, do I put it against her? Of course not! Yeah, I get a little annoyed, but I know she's not doing it on purpose. It's harder for some people to switch, and often takes time and practice. Patience is key here.

Holy shit. Just. JUST. "I don't have a problem with trans people" = "I have a problem with trans people" wait... WHAT. I really don't think I need to explain why this is bullshit, lmao.

Tumblr. At it's finest.


Quick edit, too. I think this is one of those moments where it's appropriate to say "Don't dish what you can't take."

If someone who was a "cis" male made a comic about all the BS trans people said, tumblr and im sure other social media sites would be all over it like white on rice, razzing and hating on said artist/person. Really I do not see any need for this comic, it's just asking for trouble and helping NO ONE.

Hey wow, I was about to speak up about how, well, hateful that comic was towards non-trans people. You pretty much said everything I wanted to.

@Mort: I hope you were joking by posting that because spreading hate against people just for being comfortable with their gender is not cool.
Title: Re: Trans resources/discussion
Post by: The Past on February 07, 2016, 01:40:43 AM
Thank you, Zae. I was planning to pick at this myself but had to sleep. I did try the tight sports bra trick, but my breasts are too big to make it work properly. There are some other methods I want to try before ordering a binder. However, I don't plan to present/go by male until I'm on T for a few weeks. Making people refer to me as a man when I don't look like it yet feels awkward in my opinion. But I do have my new name picked out!

Anyway, I've probably mentioned this before, but the auto-aggressive "us" vs. "them" mentality that a number of (loud) trans people have is only going to make things worse for us in the long run. People who would normally be accepting will instead want to avoid openly trans people out of fear that they will accidentally misspeak and offend them somehow. This is especially true for people who have social anxiety and trouble with wording their thoughts. That's how I felt when I was trying to figure out the feelings I had, and even pushed me to repress longer. I wanted to talk with transgender people about it, but I was afraid I'd word something wrong and have a hate mob on me.

The fact is, being transgender is not an every day thing average people are aware of. It's unfair to expect people to know exactly how things are and what not to say. That's why instead of crying "transphobia" at every little goofup, you should respectfully explain to them. Teach them. Assuming everyone is out to get you with any statement is only going to make things more stressful. There will always be bigots who want to treat you like shit, and they can **censor** right off. But the people who are well-meaning but wording things poorly at times are the people you should keep around and help them learn. Knowledge is power.