The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => General => Topic started by: Cecilia Peromi on December 14, 2015, 09:26:23 PM
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The topic is dysphoria: Are you comfortable in your own skin? Why or why not? Describe your perfect body, is it different from your own? If you have dysphoria, how do you cope?
The rules for this thread are the same as any other: please be mature and considerate of others feelings. This is a serious problem for some. (Like me.)
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I've got a touch of species dysphoria, i also wish i was shorter.
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I'm fine the way I am. Sure, I could lose some wieght, but it's whatever to me. Also, I was born with this body, so I have to deal with it the best I can. So far, so good. I've survived 18 years, and I'll survive much much longer.
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That's nice Tim. I have no idea what that feels like, I've never liked my body.
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Dysphoira is a part of my life.
To make it short, IRL I am a 21 year old normal looking male. I even have a handlebar mustache (I know.). On the inside however, IE who I see myself as, I am female. It makes it hard sometimes when I think about it, but I've found ways of living with it happily.
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Sometimes I feel as if my birth was a mistake. I feel trapped inside of this body. I've wished so many times to wake up one day and finally be the person I wish I was. But it never happens... I'm just stuck this way...
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I know that there are steps and procedures I can take to change my body into the way I want it to be. I just can't do anything now now because I'm not independent. I'm so sick of waiting, I can't take it much longer.
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I know that there are steps and procedures I can take to change my body into the way I want it to be. I just can't do anything now now because I'm not independent. I'm so sick of waiting, I can't take it much longer.
Why not try experimenting with your online identity and fursona until you can? Just a thought.
I deal with dysphoria to different degrees, though most of it centers around my chest. Hopefully that will be fixed in a few months, however.
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I try, but I always wind up becoming depressed since I want it so bad in real life.
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I know that there are steps and procedures I can take to change my body into the way I want it to be. I just can't do anything now now because I'm not independent. I'm so sick of waiting, I can't take it much longer.
Why not try experimenting with your online identity and fursona until you can? Just a thought.
I deal with dysphoria to different degrees, though most of it centers around my chest. Hopefully that will be fixed in a few months, however.
First thing, that is pretty much what my main character has become. He was originally just a developing story character of mine I decided to roleplay with for kicks, but over time he's become sort of a more ideal avatar of myself.
Second thing, that is also one of the major traits that tend to bug me as well (assuming you mean the boobles :P ). I don't hate em, but sometimes they feel odd to have. Plus they're a bit inconvenient anyway.
One of the things that I've been wondering about in relation to gender dysphoria is if it develops more severely if one's family and surroundings are more forceful about gender norms and whatnot. What do you think?
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"One of the things that I've been wondering about in relation to gender dysphoria is if it develops more severely if one's family and surroundings are more forceful about gender norms and whatnot. What do you think?" ~ Evna
(Sorry, I'm really stupid with quoting things :P )
The answer is yes. This is based on things I've heard talking to people within the transgender community or just people questioning it or whatever (I'm not sure how to put it). It seems like when parents, families, surroundings are more strict about gender norms, gender dysphoria is more severe. This may or may not be the case for all cases. It's just an observation.
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It can definitely be harder when you're used to gender norms. It makes the whole thing so confusing.
(I wish we could switch bodies Evna!)
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Yeah. That might be partially why my dysphoria isn't very strong. While some of my family couldn't let go of the fact I wasn't a girly girl, my parents raised me generally gender-neutral, in the sense that they didn't force me to act a way or like a thing if I wasn't interested.
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I guess my dysphoria is strong since it's been there so long. I can remember being a kid and not understanding my body very well. Ever since then my dysphoria was just building up until I finally popped one day. It's still very rough, the only thing that keeps me going is that it might finally be over. I'm going to be talking with a therapist soon. Hopefully next week.
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Another thing, though related to the previous idea I mentioned, I wonder if part of dysphoria is due to the fact that society makes gender norms the rule rather than simply accepting it as more common behavior.
It is true that males and females tend to gravitate toward certain behavior and likings by nature, but it's certainly not the case all the time.
Maybe if society wasn't so dependent on the "girls do x, boys do y" thing, those who don't exactly fit the majority won't feel as alienated as if they aren't supposed to be that sex.
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Without preexisting definitions of a manly or girly activity, I wouldn't be surprised if people acted the same, regardless of sex.
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I can say regardless of whether I presented as masculine or feminine, I still experienced dysphoria concerning my chest.
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What's wrong with your chest? If I may ask.
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I have breasts and I do not want them.
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With me it's the opposite. But I still know how you feel. Not being comfortable in your own skin is a horrible feeling, I wish you the best with your dysphoria.
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I have breasts and I do not want them.
How much does the associated surgery cost?
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With me it's the opposite. But I still know how you feel. Not being comfortable in your own skin is a horrible feeling, I wish you the best with your dysphoria.
Same to you. I hope going to a therapist helps you. And by that, I hope you get to see someone who is specialized in gender issues, otherwise it may not be as helpful as you initially hoped for; only saying this because I've been to a number of therapists that weren't trained and it took actually finding one before I started to get help. I'd also suggest looking into LGBT groups, more those focusing on trans issues if you can for help. They can be good for sharing resorces, Cecil.
I have breasts and I do not want them.
How much does the associated surgery cost?
When I was raising money for it, it would cost me $8000 out of pocket for such a surgery. I may be getting said surgery possibly early February depending on how much I like the surgeon. We'll see. At the moment there's only one doctor available to me and I haven't seen his work nor heard much about him. He came highly recommended though. So again, we'll see.
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If you do end up getting the surgery Mort, I hope it goes well overall.
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Thanks. At this point all I can do is wait and tell myself it's going to happen.
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Oh god, that surgery is expensive. Looks like that might be out of the question for me. :I
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That's out of pocket expenses, and at the time, travel for staying a week whereabouts I was having the surgery. At the time traveling from SC to FL, then staying in FL for a week. It varies from surgeon to surgeon. It also varies with who will take insurance and who won't. If top surgery is something you're interested in, I suggest looking over whether your state includes transgender needs on their insurance or just looking over whether your insurance covers it. I'd also suggest checking out this website (http://www.topsurgery.net/) as it is a valuable resource when it comes to finding a surgeon near you. If you're lucky there's a chance that insurance will cover the procedure at least partially.
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Thank you for the site. I'm still trying to decide if I really want to do top surgery if I get the chance, since I'm still trying to figure myself out. I'm greatly leaning toward it, and I don't feel any reason to keep my breasts, but I'm worried I might regret it later due to being "used" to them, or the likely family/others' response, to be honest. I know I shouldn't let other people control my decisions, but I prefer not to have attention on myself after such a big (and controversial) change.
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Eventualy I would like surgery as well. I'm aware of the consequences and am very willing to except them. However, right now, I'm hoping to go into HRT. (Hormone Replacement Therapy)
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Knowing me, I'm probably gonna get paranoid and remove this post later on, so enjoy it while it's here.
[removed stuff]
I don't like getting really sappy and personal on the forums, but as I said, this is something I've been trying to come to terms with for a long time.
Edit: Yep, it happened. Okay, pretty much what I said was, I'm thinking about the feelings and experiences I've had since I was a kid, and now I'm questioning if I should transition.
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I wouldn't remove the post, this is why I made the thread. So people can talk about this.
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That's true, that's why I wanted to post that here. But I'm a worry wart, so chances are I'm gonna regret posting something so personal.
Even if my family won't be happy with my decision, I don't think they will be flat out against me for it. But if possible, I'd like to start off myself without getting anyone riled up. I am 21, so parental permission isn't an issue. It's more knowing where to go, and how to get there (can't drive).
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Surgery is expensive, and difficult, to say nothing of the social issues involved. Make sure you are CERTAIN, before going down that route. it's not something to do on a whim. Evna, you have mentioned that you feel its a trend, make sure you are not just doing it to be part of that trend.
BUT. If you are certain, and it makes you happier to do so. Then I support it all the way. Its an extreme measure but if it's what you want, go for it.
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It's only a trend because people are starting to actually acknowledge trans people. Or because more people feel it's safer to come out now. No trans person puts themself through the strain of being trans for funsies. It's statistically very rare that trans people regret transitioning.
Regardless, I'm glad you could come to terms with things and I wish you luck. And also always if you need someone to shout at about such issues, my inbox is open.
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I have a bit of dysphoria about a few aspects of my appearance.
I take hormones and undergo laser hair removal to fix the most obvious things I hate.
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Yeah,i guess i have a bit. im not comfortable in my own skin. Everytime i look in the mirror i cringe. People say hey ur skinny, u have the perfect size. It not the curves. I hate it when People say that. I usually try not to look at myself so much. My body has become more painful, im getting more and more tired everyday. My hair a mess, bags under my eyes. And it seems every pic, i look miserable and hopeless. I hate looking at my own appearance but i learn u cant change that. Life filled with mistakes that u cant change. I try to be happy though, and help others
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People (my family) tell me I look handsome and sometimes I do see it. However, it doesn't change anything, I still wish I had the body of my dreams... a female's body...
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I myself have issues with my belly. Granted I'm not actually obese and look like a regular average guy with the clothing on. But when the clothes come off, it's like my belly overlaps my waist by a good two inches in the front. Aside from that, having a 'second chin' isn't a very attractive trait to have. Exercise and diet doesn't seem to be really doing much, so I'm looking into finding suppliments like whey powder, coffea canephora and rhodiola rosea to see if it could be an insulin imbalance. I was already screened for diabetes over the past several years and have constantly come up clean of it, but its been noted that I do have higher than normal blood sugar levels.
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My family has a bad history of diabetes. As such I have a very good chance that I'll get it myself. It doesn't help that I have a bit of a sweet tooth. I've been extremely lucky so far, but I still worry. I definitely don't want to get diabetes, but at the same time I wish I wasn't so skinny.
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I am lucky I don't have a family history of such. I used to be super skinny, and now I'm semi on the other end of the spectrum. I'd just like to get my body down to an even 200 lbs and get rid of the muffin top belly. I tend to use sweet tasting teas to curb my sweet tooth cravings.
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I can relate with this topic a bit, i never liked how my body is right now, too fat and not muscular at all, i have been trying to make changes and start working that fat off, but when i think that's its going to be a long road to get to where i want to be, i just get depressed which makes me anxious which makes me eat a lot more, and i'm back at square one.
I would do anything to have the body type i want.
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If you're willing to do anything then that means you can diet and exercise to get the weight off. It's going to take a while, but as long as you're determined enough, you can do it.
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Yeah, that's what i've been lacking, determination, it's been constantly said to me by family members, i guess i should take your advice Cecilia, thanks for tip.
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You're welcome Greyhound. It's always a pleasure.
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To an extend, but here's my view.
I'm physically female, but I'm male. I know this for a fact. Most of my dysphoria is centered around my chest, but I can fix it. Letting myself go into a "Oh my god, my life sucks, I'm a transguy, etc. etc." won't help, I need to be happy. For a long time, I wasn't but I realize I'm me.
I'm unique because of my body, I'm happy in my skin. One day I'll be who I want to be, but until then, I'm fine with my body and my mindset.
Post Merge: December 27, 2015, 03:11:48 AM
To an extend, but here's my view.
I'm physically female, but I'm male. I know this for a fact. Most of my dysphoria is centered around my chest, but I can fix it. Letting myself go into a "Oh my god, my life sucks, I'm a transguy, etc. etc." won't help, I need to be happy. For a long time, I wasn't but I realize I'm me.
I'm unique because of my body, I'm happy in my skin. One day I'll be who I want to be, but until then, I'm fine with my body and my mindset.
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I've had periods in my life where I've felt really really terrible about how I look. I don't feel that exact same now, but I do want to change some things. Things that are in my control. So as long as I stay determined, I will get what I want (right?)
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Of course you will. Determination and perseverance are the keys to success.
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With success within your grasp, you are filled with detemmienation!
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With success within your grasp, you are filled with detemmienation!
I understand this reference.
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Increasingly, I am less able to tolerate being 'male'. I don't like being almost six feet tall with a masculine stature, and I often wish I were born female, or that I had more female features. Oddly enough, I never felt this way before puberty, although I never could associate with other boys very well, and I was more comfortable around girls.
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Personally, I have always been happy to be male and wouldn't want to change that. However, there are still some things that I don't like about my body for various reasons. What I try to do is figure out my options for being able to fix some of those errors and then decide whether those are worth it to try. For me, this means figuring out a workout routine that works for me while also figuring what is best for me to eat without breaking the bank. It's a slow process but I think I'm getting there.
I also like to hang around girls more than guys. The reason is that my temperament and things I like to talk about are usually far different from any of the guys I might hang out with.
In summary, I guess what I'm trying to say is that this kind of stuff requires some soul searching and frank honesty with yourself to find out what makes you happy.
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I don't like being almost six feet tall with a masculine stature,
Me and my mother are over six feet tall. Being tall doesn't make you less feminine.
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To me, height has no relation to femininity or masculinity.
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As I mentioned earlier in the thread (or at least what remains of that post -- I chickened out because it detailed a personal event), my initial description of my dysphoria was very downplayed. It really did affect me, but not in the typical "UGH I'M TRAPPED IN THIS FEMALE BODY I WANT TO CUT OFF MY BREASTS" way many people tend to hear, which is part of why I kept denying I was really trans. But after looking things up more, I learned hatred isn't the only way it can develop.
My dysphoria is more of an awkward discomfort, like my female traits don't really belong. I think they look fine with my body alone, but don't fit me. I often think of myself as a male when I'm not conscious of my body, making note of my masculine traits makes me excited, and I had the urge to increase them somehow before knowing transgenderism was a thing. It was part of the reason why I became addicted to the internet when puberty came about. I was already socially awkward to begin with; developing a figure that didn't feel like mine was the final straw that turned me to isolation. But I got "used" to it, more like developed a shaky apathy toward it, and pretty much toward everything in general. When I heard about transgenderism and FTM transitioning, I was intrigued, but I still kept denying. "I'm just an odd tomboy! That's all! Right?!"
I kept making excuses for the feelings I had, but they kept popping up again and again. Some of you might have seen my profile gender go back and forth between "female","agender", and blank repeatedly. It's a product of my confused moments, and it's happened countless times over the years. In all honesty, all the people hopping onto the trans bandwagon made me more confused and even bitter toward the whole transgender concept. It seems some people using it take gender norms too seriously and therefore claim they're trans, or do it for "unique" cred. I kept thinking that's what I was doing too. It made me severely skeptical, up to denying transgender as a legit thing entirely. But my struggle remained, and I kept wanting to learn more regardless.
Now I've accepted I'm transgender, and plan on starting HRT ASAP. I know getting surgery is going to be a pain in the ass money-wise, so I'd rather not worry myself about that until I get the first stage started.
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As I mentioned earlier in the thread (or at least what remains of that post -- I chickened out because it detailed a personal event), my initial description of my dysphoria was very downplayed. It really did affect me, but not in the typical "UGH I'M TRAPPED IN THIS FEMALE BODY I WANT TO CUT OFF MY BREASTS" way many people tend to hear, which is part of why I kept denying I was really trans. But after looking things up more, I learned hatred isn't the only way it can develop.
My dysphoria is more of an awkward discomfort, like my female traits don't really belong. I think they look fine with my body alone, but don't fit me. I often think of myself as a male when I'm not conscious of my body, making note of my masculine traits makes me excited, and I had the urge to increase them somehow before knowing transgenderism was a thing. It was part of the reason why I became addicted to the internet when puberty came about. I was already socially awkward to begin with; developing a figure that didn't feel like mine was the final straw that turned me to isolation. But I got "used" to it, more like developed a shaky apathy toward it, and pretty much toward everything in general. When I heard about transgenderism and FTM transitioning, I was intrigued, but I still kept denying. "I'm just an odd tomboy! That's all! Right?!"
I kept making excuses for the feelings I had, but they kept popping up again and again. Some of you might have seen my profile gender go back and forth between "female","agender", and blank repeatedly. It's a product of my confused moments, and it's happened countless times over the years. In all honesty, all the people hopping onto the trans bandwagon made me more confused and even bitter toward the whole transgender concept. It seems some people using it take gender norms too seriously and therefore claim they're trans, or do it for "unique" cred. I kept thinking that's what I was doing too. It made me severely skeptical, up to denying transgender as a legit thing entirely. But my struggle remained, and I kept wanting to learn more regardless.
Now I've accepted I'm transgender, and plan on starting HRT ASAP. I know getting surgery is going to be a pain in the ass money-wise, so I'd rather not worry myself about that until I get the first stage started.
Yes, it's true dysphoria spawns in different ways. You don't have to hate your body to feel dysphoria, but discomfort or disconnect is a big part of it. Dysphoria can range from the discomfort of revealing your assigned at birth gender to as bad as others experience it where they hate their body.
It's nice to hear you've come through with understanding yourself. I think I've offered it before, but if you ever need to pick someone's brain, you're free to PM me. Each trans person is different and the one narrative that seems to get the most traction is not how everyone experiences being transgender.
I'd also like to say that people don't choose to be transgender to be unique, though. If someone's really trans I doubt they do it for funsies. I know I didn't. It was far from a choice.
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I know not all do, but I know for a fact that some do. Some absolutely do want to get into it for attention/funsies/special treatment, and they happily admit it, and I've found it ticks off other transgender people as well. Of course, the attention seekers are a minority, but it still badly colored my perception of transgender people and pushed me further into denial. Once I learned they're not all like that and started accepting myself, I became worried I would be grouped in with those people once I do start transitioning.
I came out to my dad some days ago (went well!) and explained my concern about that, and he told me (paraphrased) "Why does it matter what people assume? They clearly don't know you!"
And he's right. Having that support helped me feel more at ease.
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I actually brought this to my therapist yesterday she said there is no such thing as "species dysphoria" or wishing you were another species… She DID mention "species ENVY" which is totally a thing apparently
I think I almost agree with that when she delved in further stating that the only clinical diagnosis using the word Dysphoria that is used in Medical Coding these days is for transgenderism
She also said (and I don't know whether to agree or disagree with this due to my own medical training) "Dysphoria cannot be "claimed" it is diagnosed. So anyone who claims they they have dysphoria is not telling the truth"
I suffer from Gender Dysphoria. Hence the therapy. I was diagnosed back in July 2015 with a severe form. So it does kind of bug me when someone says so nonchalantly; "Oh yeah I suffer from Dysphoria" It took me about 4 months to fully be comfortable with it, and actually speak out. I originally went in for feeling depressed and to work on my anxiety issues, and I was diagnosed as dysphoric.
It's a serious condition that no one should really take any sort of pride in, at least until it is fixed.
My therapist concluded "the only way to cure a dysphoric state is to fix it" meaning for the general populace hormone replacement therapy, and surgery.
Yeah I won't lie… I also have, what people here refer to as, species dysphoria… but it's just "Species Envy" The only reason I didn't argue with that, is my therapist well… she went through schooling for more than half her life
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Thanks for sharing. It must be hard to feel out of place in your own body. I'm glad that you are able to talk things through with your therapist and it sounds like she is understanding and willing to explain things. Some people may just say, "You're wrong. I'm right. I went through x amount of years of school and you didn't."
On a side note, I think all furries have a little species envy. Else, they wouldn't have the fursona that they do.
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I personally have never felt exactly right with anything Madness has helped a little but in real life I just can't agree with my body the things I imagine I can't do with my body and I just can't feel right
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I am glad that there are other people like me on this site. Dysphoria has ruled my life since the age of 10 but due to my lack of knowledge, being bullied, and confused I did nothing, which I still regret to this day. But I've been taking steps to get my life back on track! I am currently dealing with transition, though it is a slow process, I am a lot happier in my life.
Depression comes strongly with dysphoria and I am a good listener so if anyone just needs someone to talk too. I am willing to listen as I am sure a lot of other people are. :)