The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: Keinai on November 03, 2015, 06:02:43 PM
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You know when you get put down so much, you start to feel more and more sad? And soon, when even the littlest of things frustrates you, annoys you or makes you upset, that sadness builds up inside of you and drains the rest of your emotions away? Well, this might be the part where someone starting off with that would say that that's what they're going through, but honestly, I don't really know what that's like. What I do know is, for me, instead of getting depressed, I just get angrier and angrier. I get so angry that I'll shove my laptop back against the desk, get up, and start storming around the room, shoving things around or throwing pillows against the wall. When I'm really angry, I'll start punching my bed, pillows, or start throwing things at the floor or the wall. The anger boils up inside of me so much that I feel as if my body is engulfed in fire. I feel like I'm getting burns all of over body. I feel hot, overloaded on energy and if I don't exert that energy, I will explode. I need to hit things, throw things - get even more angry. When I lose control, when I cannot exert my anger-energy, I get an adrenaline rush. And having an adrenaline feels nice, but also terrible. You need to release those endorphins, but at the same time, you like the rush, because it's like a natural high. You feel on top of the world, as if you could jump off of a bridge and live to tell the tale.
Some people take advantage of my passive/chill personality, and in doing that, they are unaware it starts to fill up my anger bottle. I'm not really good at being assertive unless I feel like I'm in danger, but I'm getting better. With a friend, being assertive does not work. This is why I'm either passive or aggressive, and my aggressive side is rarely, rarely seen online. I just can't bring myself to even type when in one of those phases. And when my anger starts to die down, and when I'm done being angry, I just get tired, and then I want to sleep it off. I look at the damage I've done to my room or my possessions and I build up resentment, and I hold it over either myself, others, or certain situations, even though I will have no problem with them later on.
After my anger high I become depressed. I realize my anger does me no good and I feel unmotivated and self-conscious. I feel like I'm always looped inside the anger and depression stages of grief and I can't just accept that my life is what I make of it. Constant bullying from my stepmom and my peers doesn't help this either, and my 'friends' will just shrug me off and say 'go see someone then'.
I became angry while typing this. I know this will do me no good and I'll just get sympathy, which does me no good either. I don't know what I expect from myself or anyone when I post these types of things. I want support but like the selfish bitch I am I just keep complaining when it's offered. A few nice people have PMed me and I greatly appreciate that but I don't want to waste their time when talking to them doesn't make me feel better for more than a few hours.
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Instead of destroying everything that comes into hand, you could get yourself a punching bag.
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It sounds like you really need to get some sort of medical help if you haven't already. I know that's the cliche thing to say, but the way you describe it, you really need it.
I mean I really don't sad either. I tend to get real heated and angry, and then a few minutes later I'm fine.
I honestly can't say that I get angry that often either. I'm kind of nuetral in many cases.
Nothing I said will probably add to the conversation, but I felt like I needed to say something.
Just smile and hang in there B)
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I box at the gym already, plus I don't have the money or space in my room for the bag I need.
I. Can't. Get. Medical. Help. I know I need it, **censor**, I probably need to be hospitalized. But my stepmom literally refuses to admit I have anything wrong with me or pay for a professional or medication. She won't even let me make a doctor's appointment.
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Well, that sucks
Can't you really make an appointment with your GP on your own? I was able to.
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What's a GP?
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General Practitioner
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aka your first contact doctor (at least we can it like that in Poland)
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Yeah that's what I mean, my stepmom wouldn't let me see my GP unless it's a physical emergency.
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You see anger is not an entity, it doesn't build up within you, nor it's somewhere outside. You're just acting unconsciously, try to focus on the mind
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No, it does build up. And I'm completely aware of my emotions and how I choose to handle them.
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So then what's the problem? Would you choose to be in this state if you didn't like it?
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I think what Traum is trying to say is that it's your choice whether you get mad or not. You're the one who controls your emotions.
I could be wrong though :S
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yes 138 is correct
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It's not a choice at all. It's a reaction. If it was a choice then an event occurred where I had to make a decision on how I should cope with my anger, and I don't believe anyone can 'decide' how you want to act in a situation in a split second.
I posted this to vent but I'm just growing more uncomfortable about my situation. Posting about my problems and seeking suggestion for how to cope with them doesn't seem to be helping, I should just shut my mouth because I'm only making things harder on myself.
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Well a reaction is a choice by itself. Also don't confuse emotion with intensity. Destroying things, screaming only tires you down and makes you less intense and intensity is a fuel for anger, but not a problem.
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I made this post to vent, not to discuss the situation any further. No one has to offer advice on every post that is made in this board, it can be for just ranting too.
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No Traum and 138. Sometimes emotions just take control over you and you can't always control them.
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and then you suffer
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No Traum and 138. Sometimes emotions just take control over you and you can't always control them.
Actually that's false. Well at least for me anyways. I can always take the time and rationalixe before I make an outburst.
They call it thinking.
*leaves thread*
I'm out
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Traum, the hell is wrong with you? Not everyone is perfect
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YES, anger, as well as sadness, CAN build up. This is a well known phenomenon. It is common for one to have these emotions build up from repeated and large cases of problems, to the point where even the tiniest of annoyances they normally wouldn't sweat will finally make them burst into a rage or tears.
This has happened to me plenty of times, too. I very rarely cry, but once at school, I was so stressed out by happenings then that when I zoned out and someone sternly told me "sit down, you're out" when I had been chosen out during a classroom game, I couldn't stop myself from sobbing at my desk. All the attention I got from that only made it worse.
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Eva, doesn't that mean you were angry or sad before the final drop?
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Yes Traum. That's generally what is meant by the build up of anger and sadness. What's your point?
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All of you just be quiet.
To me it seems you all are more eager to prove your point then to see why I may feel as I do.
Not all rants have to be discussed at great length, emotions can't be proven wrong and if you think otherwise, shut up, because this is not the thread where you should feel the need to argue.
I originally posted this to get advice from people who may have similar experiences or can provide support or resources I do not have available to me in the state I am in at this time.
What the hell is wrong with all of you? Not every single thread here has to become a debate and I just needed a place to express my feeling and be done with them. You all are wasting your time if you came here just to challenge me, my emotions, or what other people have to say on this thread.
In the end it is a problem I have that affects me personally, not a prompt for a debate team.
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Good point, Keinai. I feel it's best to lock this.