The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: CrazyCat on September 30, 2015, 04:15:43 AM
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Remember that thread I made? The one about how I had a crush on my friend and didn't know how to proceed? Well, I finally grew a pair and told him how I feel about him, but he told me he's straight. I thought I would be able to handle the situation but it's proving to be very difficult. My mood just keeps getting worse and worse and worse. He still likes me as a friend and told me he was flattered that someone would like him that way, despite it being another man. His continuing friendship is something I truly appreciate.
However, we are extremely close friends, and I feel that if he weren't straight, we would be perfect for each other. I honestly feel that if he weren't straight I'd gladly spend my whole life with him. I keep thinking about how happy we would be together in a romantic relationship, but I am almost certain it will never come to pass due to his sexual orientation, and that is what kills me. I know what would be best for me is to think of him as just a friend and try to stop seeing him as a love interest, but I simply can't. I can't stop myself from fantasizing about what could be. I keep thinking, 'what if he's bi and he simply doesn't know yet', 'what if he doesn't want to tell me for fear his parents will find out', just a lot of highly improbable what-if scenarios.
Please help me get over him.
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This kind of thing does happen sometimes. Just as any other conflict of orientations, there's just no other way to go about saying it: he is straight. He cannot change who he is, and the only way you can go on with a friendship is as just that: a friendship, albeit a very close one.
I am sorry that you ended up in this situation.
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It definitely does suck. But this could be a motivating opportunity to spread out a bit more and meet some LGBT friends such as yourself. There is undoubtably a lucky person for you that shares your same (or compatible) sexual orientation.
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It definitely does suck. But this could be a motivating opportunity to spread out a bit more and meet some LGBT friends such as yourself. There is undoubtably a lucky person for you that shares your same (or compatible) sexual orientation.
Good point, but where do I begin to look for other LGBT folk I could befriend? I have gone most of my life without actively looking to befriend others so I have no idea where to look or how to proceed.
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It definitely does suck. But this could be a motivating opportunity to spread out a bit more and meet some LGBT friends such as yourself. There is undoubtably a lucky person for you that shares your same (or compatible) sexual orientation.
Good point, but where do I begin to look for other LGBT folk I could befriend? I have gone most of my life without actively looking to befriend others so I have no idea where to look or how to proceed.
If you go to university there should be an LGBT society there! (Might be called Queer Collective). Otherwise there's probably a bunch of meetups around, search for Gaymers or simply google LGBT communities/meets in your area. Be careful of googling that though cause it may only display the more adult areas, but don't fear there are simply meet up places too. There could also be an LGBT support club somewhere, so definitely just do some research!
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Gaymers. That's a first.
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Found out that I'm getting too attached to him. Will stop talking to him for a few days, to put some healthy distance between us. Let's see if I can heal a bit as a result.
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Updayt!
So I spent a few days telling myself that he'll only be a friend. A great friend, but still only a friend. It was very painful, but it seems to be working. I am now able to talk to him again, and while I still get sad because I know he'll never be my boyfriend, the sadness is nothing compared to what it once was. I think I'm getting used to the idea that he's only a friend. So I'm getting there. I'm recovering.
:)
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sry for interupting but whats the difference between beeing good friends and beeing in realationship?
Being even closer
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Update 2: Electric Boogaloo
So soul crushing heartbreak has given way to a mildly-moderate depression. Now this I know how to handle. Yay! :D
But seriously, this was very quick and brutal. Like separating Siamese twins with a chainsaw. Fortunately, the agony was short-lived not unlike the aforementioned twins.
@Anoni: I found a group in my university for LGBT folk and their allies. It's mostly to hang out and talk about stuff, and there's also a sort of support group for gay/bi men on campus, so I'll be attending both. Many thanks!
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Something similar happened to me, but it was the other way around. There was a guy in high school that had a crush on me, but he never confronted me about it. I predominantly straight, but if he asked me out on a date, I would probably go anyway (not in a romantic way). I wouldn't want to make him feel embarrassed. I mean, what do I have to lose? Nothing really came of it, but the other day he did his hand on my shoulder and reached over mean. It kind of startled me because people usually don't just do that. It mainly startled me because he got uncomfortably close, but that's with anybody. I don't people in my personal space.
I've had a lot of crushes on people, but nothing ever comes of it. I'll have really strong feelings for a while, and then it just stops. Part feels like I want a lasting relationship while the other part says 'heck no!' It's funny cause the more and more I think about, I don't think I'm wired for a relationship. I'm kind of a person that likes to do what I want to do plus I've been single for so long I'm used to it.
Maybe you'll find someone for you. Sounds like you would make a pretty good partner considering you're passion for the other person. I think things will sort themselves out, and you never know, he may just come around.
Just hang in there B)
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Update III: Revenge of the Feels
So it seems shit has hit the fan. The heartbreak seems to have triggered a particularly severe depression and I have had to cut all communication with my friend. While I feel fine when I talk to him, when he leaves, I am overwhelmed by sadness and despair. I will be going back home to my family so they can help me stay safe and I so I can see a therapist regularly to work through this. I'll have to put college on hold so I don't have any additional stressors to make things worse. I already told him about this, and while he is deeply saddened, he says he understands, so our friendship is not gone.
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It will take time, but eventually you'll get through it. I haven't experienced a similar situation myself, but I can take a good guess as to what you are feeling.
Best of luck.
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So after talking to my parents and a very good therapist, it seems to me that the main problem was not that I had my heart broken (that didn't help at all though) but the fact that I was pretty much living in isolation in college. My straight friend was the only company I had and talking to him hurt me so I was utterly alone. I didn't make any friends in college that I could talk to. So I'll be moving back home and transfer to a university here in my hometown to continue my studies so I can at least have some support in case I face another hardship.
Thank you for your kind words everyone.