The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => General => Topic started by: Dagmar1177 on August 07, 2015, 02:23:06 AM
-
Ok so I've seen a couple people on here say or a least claim to be Asexual. I recently took a college level psychology course so when I think of asexuality the literal definition in my head is as follows: *clears throat* Asexuality is generally defined as a lack of sexual attraction to others or the lack of interest in sex. When you look at its a pretty nebulous term. I'm not claiming that people who claim to be are lying or don't know what there talking about. Far from it, what I wanna know is what it means to those people. I have no way to grasp the concept honestly. I find the concept genuinely fascinating and I say that at the risk of sounding like a mad scientist.
-
It's not really nebulous at all. Asexuality is literally not experiencing sexual attraction to anyone. I'm not sure how that is nebulous, nor am I sure how an asexual person is supposed to explain it further than that.
Also you may want to look at how you describe your interest in this sort of thing, as I do not appreciate coming off as being some sort of mythical creature, or something for you to pick at. If someone claims to be asexual, they are asexual and that's all there is to it. Even if you didn't intend your words to sound offensive saying that we claim to be asexual makes it seem as if you don't quite believe that we are. I guess I'm picking at semantics now, but wording is important.
Even still, you'll likely never grasp the concept unless you yourself are asexual – just like you'll never know what it's like to be black unless you're black and you'll never know what it's like to be trans unless you're transgender.
Again, while I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed to break it down further than the definition you've got there, I can say that being asexual to me is like eating ice cream. Some people crave ice cream. Some people consider it their favorite thing. Some people don't crave it at all. That doesn't mean they don't like ice cream or won't eat it. They just don't crave it and could live without it.
-
My Apologizes sincerely I have seen someone describe themselves a asexual straight which I felt was a bit of an conundrum. I don't intend to offend when I ask questions and I don't view asexuality as a mythical creature it is however a rare mindset, occurrence whatever you want to call it. though as a bit extra from my own perspective don't ever take whatever I ask as an offensive question I often time have to explain being a furry to someone and the first thing they think is oh you like to have sex with animal. It's such a common misconception I've literally become numb to it their ignorance isn't their fault they've just never encountered the problem before. I the kind of person who believe that obtaining knowledge never hurt anyone it's what they did with it, so as I grow deeper into adulthood I like to try and grow better understanding of thing even if I can't grasp the concepts entirely. Again sorry if this was taken the wrong way I was just a bit curious and may have gone a bit overboard. ^_^
-
Well, there are different facets of attraction, aside from the sexuality aspect. You have have gender preference even while being asexual and you can also have romantic or aromantic preferences. Even as an asexual, some people still crave a romantic relationship with others, and may get into another relationship with someone for romantic reasons – meaning that their relationship is just like any other, only it lacks sex. In this case, people can have preference to whether or not they're straight, bi, gay, etc. So someone can completely be straight and asexual. They may not be interested in sex, but they can still maintain a relationship with the other gender just fine. I also think that it's worth noting that even if someone isn't interested in sex, they may still have it with their partner for whatever reason and still be asexual.
-
Speaking as someone Asexual, I would rather you ask than not ask and not understand because of it. Equally I did not find your post at all offensive.
For me the simple fact is I am Asexual because I just don't care. I have no interest in a long term relationship, no interest in Sex, and absolutely detest children. I don't actually feel attracted to anyone, and none of the other factors interest me, so why would I want to find a mate?
I guess you could argue the Asexual is less a sexuality, and more like a lack of sexuality. :3
-
I am asexual, and my definition is that I'm not attracted to other people at all. I have friends, but I'm really not interested in sex or anything like that.
-
Speaking as someone Asexual, I would rather you ask than not ask and not understand because of it. Equally I did not find our post at all offensive.
Every asexual is different, I was merely pointing out that the way the topic was worded could be potentially offensive to others. I am also asexual, which is why I responded to the thread to begin with, so I'm not sure how saying "I'm asexual and I don't think this is offensive" is supposed to support whether or not it is offensive or not. The point I was making was that it can be, as it was worded in a way that made me feel like an object to be poked at rather than a person. I was not pointing it out to be hateful so much as I was attempting to let the OP know so they could prevent doing so again in the future.
-
Speaking as someone Asexual, I would rather you ask than not ask and not understand because of it. Equally I did not find our post at all offensive.
Every asexual is different, I was merely pointing out that the way the topic was worded could be potentially offensive to others. I am also asexual, which is why I responded to the thread to begin with, so I'm not sure how saying "I'm asexual and I don't think this is offensive" is supposed to support whether or not it is offensive or not. The point I was making was that it can be, as it was worded in a way that made me feel like an object to be poked at rather than a person. I was not pointing it out to be hateful so much as I was attempting to let the OP know so they could prevent doing so again in the future.
To be fair, this day and age, *anything* can be viewed as offensive to the right person. It could've been worded one way or another, but I'm sure someone out there, asexual or not, would be offended by it. It seems that in these communities, it's almost best not to say anything at all, even though that in itself can be viewed as offensive :V
Speaking as someone who isn't asexual, but has had asexual friends, it seems like this is as broad/vague as you can be when labeling your sexuality. Some have no sexual attraction at all, others only get it in relationships. Some don't even get romantic attraction, while others may only be seeking romance. Though I have run into quite a few people who tend to confuse being "asexual" with showing "abstinence."
-
I don't mind being called Asexual, if it's not in a deprecating manner.
-
Speaking as someone Asexual, I would rather you ask than not ask and not understand because of it. Equally I did not find our post at all offensive.
Every asexual is different, I was merely pointing out that the way the topic was worded could be potentially offensive to others. I am also asexual, which is why I responded to the thread to begin with, so I'm not sure how saying "I'm asexual and I don't think this is offensive" is supposed to support whether or not it is offensive or not. The point I was making was that it can be, as it was worded in a way that made me feel like an object to be poked at rather than a person. I was not pointing it out to be hateful so much as I was attempting to let the OP know so they could prevent doing so again in the future.
To be fair, this day and age, *anything* can be viewed as offensive to the right person. It could've been worded one way or another, but I'm sure someone out there, asexual or not, would be offended by it. It seems that in these communities, it's almost best not to say anything at all, even though that in itself can be viewed as offensive :V
Just because, in your opinion, anything can be viewed as offensive doesn't mean I shouldn't point out. Again, I didn't do it out of anger or bitterness, I did it so the OP could learn for next time they handle asking questions to someone like that. I see no problem with it, and I'm not sure why people are jumping to defense when I've literally said I did it for learning reasons, no hard feelings.
-
Please you two. Calm down, Mort came off as aggressive for me, and I was unsure if Mort was Asexual or not and I wondered if he was being offended on our behalf. So I stated that I saw nothing wrong with what was said, and that I would accept more questions.
Now can we go back to declaring how little we care about certain things? like relationships and sex?
-
It doesn't always have to do with a lack of caring.
Personally, I'm both asexual and aromantic, which means I do not seek romantic relationships on top of my lack of interest in sex.
-
Me being Asexual myself, mostly for me it is a limited amount of 'feelings' for sexual activity (Cares for it, but doesn't necessarily care at the same time, often for me it just means I'm not really interested in any sexual activity, however relationships are perfectly fine.) However i have found myself not necessarily caring for it anymore, so now i am leaning more into, Not caring about anything whatsoever that deals with such things lol. In other words,most definitions you look up about Asexual explains it as a lack or limited (Minimum) desire or craving for sexual type activities. (however bear in mind, everyone is different.)
Take care
~
Jinrui
-
I will give you an example of asexuality, from my own personal experience. :P
I had plenty of romantic crushes in high school. A few years after I graduated, I quite suddenly and randomly realized that I never- not even ONCE- imagined or thought anything sexual about them. I never wanted to do sexual things, and I never fantasized about anything other than a romantic, Disney-style kiss scene. And even then, I'm not huge on kissing either. But.. yeah. XP
-
I will give you an example of asexuality, from my own personal experience. :P
I had plenty of romantic crushes in high school. A few years after I graduated, I quite suddenly and randomly realized that I never- not even ONCE- imagined or thought anything sexual about them. I never wanted to do sexual things, and I never fantasized about anything other than a romantic, Disney-style kiss scene. And even then, I'm not huge on kissing either. But.. yeah. XP
That's not a 100% asexuality, from what I'm aware
-
I will give you an example of asexuality, from my own personal experience. :P
I had plenty of romantic crushes in high school. A few years after I graduated, I quite suddenly and randomly realized that I never- not even ONCE- imagined or thought anything sexual about them. I never wanted to do sexual things, and I never fantasized about anything other than a romantic, Disney-style kiss scene. And even then, I'm not huge on kissing either. But.. yeah. XP
That's not a 100% asexuality, from what I'm aware
Well, there's asexuality, but being asexual doesn't mean that you can't have romantic feelings. There are categories for that, and they go along with asexuality. I myself am asexual grayromantic (which means I don't usually have romantic feelings). Don't forget that a person's sexual and romantic orientations can also shift over periods of time, if only a little. I used to be very into romance as a young teen, but now I'm twenty-three and I couldn't care less about romance. Sexuality and romance is never set in stone, in my opinion. It may not change, or change very much, but I think it can change a bit. But it's up to the individual to determine how it changes and decide what they are. ^_^
-
I think it's also worth noting that asexuals can have sex and masturbate and still be asexual. The only thing that defines whether or not you're asexual is whether or not you're sexually attracted to other people.
-
I think it's also worth noting that asexuals can have sex and masturbate and still be asexual. The only thing that defines whether or not you're asexual is whether or not you're sexually attracted to other people.
Just saying, that sounds more like an excuse than an explanation... If someone came up to me and said "I want to have sex with you," but aren't attracted to me, then says "I'm Asexual" to describe their orientation, I couldn't honestly take them seriously at that point.
If that's the case, then it shouldn't be considered a sexual orientation, rather as just some other sort of label. Though then you'd have to say something along the lines of "I'm a Cis-Gender Male who is Homoromantic, Asexual, that would like to still have sex with you." Just sounds a bit contrived, at least from an "outsider" looking in :/
-
TBCH I am with Nrein on this, if you are attracted to someone like that, you are not Asexual, if you are not attracted, then why are you having sex? :S
-
And I should note that I'm not trying to be "malicious", nor am I trying to say "Asexuality doesn't exist." I've always personally been fascinated by the mindset of asexuality, and have honestly always found more contradictions in it than most people can explain.
Before someone says I'm harassing or anything like that .w.
-
Asexuals can have sex for different reasons.
Some asexuals enjoy sex. Their equipment works fine, but it can be more of a mechanical thing where their body still functions but they aren't necessarily interested in a person.
Some asexuals have sex to please their partner, regardless of whether they are interested in the sex or not.
Some asexuals have sex to experiment and explore.
Either way, it doesn't invalidate them. Literally the only requirement for being asexual is not being sexually attracted to people. People can like sex but not be sexually attracted to someone.
-
Asexuals can have sex for different reasons.
Some asexuals enjoy sex. Their equipment works fine, but it can be more of a mechanical thing where their body still functions but they aren't necessarily interested in a person.
Some asexuals have sex to please their partner, regardless of whether they are interested in the sex or not.
Some asexuals have sex to experiment and explore.
Either way, it doesn't invalidate them. Literally the only requirement for being asexual is not being sexually attracted to people. People can like sex but not be sexually attracted to someone.
I could say what that really sounds like, but I don't want to possibly offend someone because, well, it would.
I had always been under the assumption that it means you don't *desire sex.* I'm not saying that they're junk can't possibly work, but...
I just don't see the point in it. I'm all for people being what they want and who they want, but that just seems like a huge contradiction. It just sounds like an easy way to say "I can have as much sex as I want, but I just won't be interested in them." Clearly, you would have to have some interest in them, in order to do that action. I don't know about you but if I'm not "into" someone, I can't just bring myself to "do it" with them.
-
Clearly, you would have to have some interest in them, in order to do that action. I don't know about you but if I'm not "into" someone, I can't just bring myself to "do it" with them.
Not all people operate like you do. Again, all asexuals are different and just because you can't wrap your head around it, it doesn't mean they are any less asexual.
-
Clearly, you would have to have some interest in them, in order to do that action. I don't know about you but if I'm not "into" someone, I can't just bring myself to "do it" with them.
Not all people operate like you do. Again, all asexuals are different and just because you can't wrap your head around it, it doesn't mean they are any less asexual.
Never once have I said they have to :D It just sounds completely backwards and strange is all, no need to get defensive about it.
-
I wasn't getting defensive so much as I was stating a point. Some people don't get that pov, and never will, which is something I pointed out near the beginning of the thread.
-
I wasn't getting defensive so much as I was stating a point. Some people don't get that pov, and never will, which is something I pointed out near the beginning of the thread.
That's perfectly fine. Though to be fair, that still doesn't answer how they can do it, without wanting the person or being interested in them.
As far as I know, to have any sort of sexual arousal, you'd have to be, well, desiring sex. How can you willingly have sex, while being aroused, without wanting the person or having interested in them?
Telling me that "You don't understand it, so you won't and can't, it's just how it works" doesn't help anyone *understand* how it works. If you can say every asexual is different, but can't explain how every aspect of it works, you shouldn't really speak for them all to begin with :/
-
That's perfectly fine. Though to be fair, that still doesn't answer how they can do it, without wanting the person or being interested in them.
As far as I know, to have any sort of sexual arousal, you'd have to be, well, desiring sex. How can you willingly have sex, being aroused, without wanting the person or having interested in them?
That's a solid question right here
-
As someone who is aromantic and asexual, I can answer that question, I just choose not to because the answer that I have for you I'm not comfortable with sharing on a public forum, especially not in the general section of things. Suffice it to say that sometimes people have sex as a purely mechanical thing - their body may respond to certain stimuli that aren't people - sensations and other things of that nature - and may seek to rectify it with a friend or partner even if they are not sexually invested in said person.
EDIT: Also as a disclaimer I never seek to be the Lorax of all asexuals because peoples' experiences differ. I am well versed in things of this nature, and can answer questions but there's simply times where an argument isn't going to get anywhere when people just don't get it. Hence why sometimes I refuse to expand - if you're not getting the basics, you're sure as hell not going to get the intricacies of something.
-
I mean, are you implying I don't/can't get it, or? Because I "get the basics." I should say, it's one thing to not get the basics, and another thing to want to know more about the/how they become more intricate parts, if that makes sense. It's 1 AM and I can't really put what's right in my head to text :v
I guess that answer suffices for what it's worth, in terms of whatever answer you can provide based on your experience with it.
-
One of my ex's was asexual, but in sort of an interesting way.
He found himself capable of being attracted to things on an illustrated, or conceptual, level. But at the same time was repulsed, or rather afraid, of the physical act. He considers himself asexual cause that's the best way to describe it, he has no interest in physically doing anything, even if he finds the concept attractive.
So I think the problem between Nic and Mortimus is more what constitutes as an asexual. And what I think Mort is trying to say is that sexuality is not based on act, it's based on attraction. While one may participate in a sexual act with a male, that does not make him necessarily attracted to males, and yes there are a lot of situations where people will have sexual relations with people they aren't attracted to (A gay person doing stuff with a girl, even marrying, cause he's afraid of persecution. Someone experimenting with a different person to check things out, a man getting raped by a girl, etc)
So asexuals can still have sexual relations with someone and maintain their status as "asexuals", even if it's just for pleasure. Another example is some sexual participatory acts have the same form of participation regardless if the partner is male or female. So if you blindfolded one of the partners, the act would feel the same whether or not the person on the other side was male or female, in this way a gay person can do stuff with a girl or a heterosexual do something with a guy and still maintain their sexuality, cause they're enjoying it based on pleasure alone, not on attraction.
Maybe that clears stuff up? I want to point out the sophisticated and analytical vocabulary here, keep it, so it doesn't necessarily break rules talking about this stuff.
-
My head is started to spin here but I think I've got at least a basic handle of what has been happening on these posts. first of I do want to post now that I'm glad no one has really been disturb or really off put by the question itself and that the thread was able to stay civil mostly. I think a problem here is ultimately when people here the term they mainly think that there's only one thing it could mean. However, It's pretty clear to me at least it does mean different things for different people. I'm really got nothing else to say on the matter myself. Weather I fully grasp the concept or not is irrelevant to me honestly I don't I'll ever really know but I've learned something from this and that's really what I set out to do with this thread understanding a bit over comprehending entirely is at least better than not having any bloody concept at all.