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Furry Chat => General => Topic started by: Midi on September 27, 2007, 04:27:54 PM

Title: Only in America!
Post by: Midi on September 27, 2007, 04:27:54 PM
Taken from Planet Furry Forums:

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.


2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.


3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.


4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.


5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.


6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.


7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.


8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.


9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.


EVER WONDER


Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?


Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?


Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?


Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?


*Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?


Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?


Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?


Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?


Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?


When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?


Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?


Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?


You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??


Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?


If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


------------------
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:


On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( I have no other time to dry my hair).


On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?


On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)


On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." ( But, it's "just" a suggestion).


On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well.... a bit late huh?)


On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...nahhh... Really??...)


On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)


On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)


On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because???....)


On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to... what?)


On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)


On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)


On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)


On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)


On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: Vosur Aekira on September 27, 2007, 05:07:11 PM
Might I also add some to the list of 'proof' of humanity's stupidity?

Curling Iron: Do not insert into any orifice. ((Bodily opening like a mouth or the ear canal for those who do not know. But I really don't want to know what was involved for this to come about.))

Alum: Do not ingest. ((I bet the person involved in this had to been able to whistle really well after this))

Stick Deodorant: Apply to underarms only. Do not take internally. ((Hmm... someone thought to place it on their tongue maybe? My other thought on this was that whoever did this probably ended up with better-smelling gas afterwards. ))

Can of Canola Oil Spray: Avoid spraying in eyes. ((So... when does a 'butter substitute' suffice as MACE?))

Bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide:  It gives a set of instructions for "oral agent rinse" yet on the same bottle it specifies that it is "For external use only." ((A bit conflicting on this information... so is it for "external use only" or isn't it?))
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: iKero-chu™ on September 27, 2007, 05:36:38 PM
Rofl, so true. xD

Only americans, people. Only Americans :P
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: WingedZephyr on September 27, 2007, 06:15:58 PM
I've seen a lot of those before but they still make me laugh.  :snicker:
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: Vosur Aekira on September 27, 2007, 06:21:44 PM
Yeah, we're crazy. I've seen some crazier things outside of my own country... but I will vouch that my 'people' are nuts.
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: TinnyCat on September 27, 2007, 06:23:24 PM
God blessed us when he made this wounderful earth. And we thank him for the USA, apple pie, baseball, and the DMV
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: WingedZephyr on September 27, 2007, 06:29:42 PM
Quote from: TinnyCat on September 27, 2007, 06:23:24 PM

And we thank him for ... baseball, and the DMV


Speak for yourself.  :P
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: Octavia on September 27, 2007, 07:02:38 PM
Only in Canada can you play hockey all year round XD

Only in America...that people carry guns with them everywhere

ONly in Canada will you find a coffee shop on every street corner and a McDonalds on the other side of the street


and no we don't all drive Zambonis and live in Igloos!! =2
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: TinnyCat on September 27, 2007, 07:12:24 PM
Quote
Only in Canada can you play hockey all year round XD


BUZZZZZ!
Wrong: I play hockey all the time here
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: Goblin Cat 😸 on September 27, 2007, 10:42:47 PM
I agree with pretty much all of those only in America things. It's kinda sad how ridiculous we can be.
 :umm:
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: Octavia on September 27, 2007, 10:45:10 PM
american's are crazyly insane though

Only in Canada will you see duct tape used as an "all purpose" tool
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: Goblin Cat 😸 on September 27, 2007, 10:46:35 PM
Quote from: Hedgers on September 27, 2007, 10:45:10 PM

american's are crazyly insane though

Only in Canada will you see duct tape used as an "all purpose" tool


Oh we have that in America too.
xD
I had an uncle that repaired an entirely wrecked Race car from Nascar with nothing but duct tape.
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: Octavia on September 27, 2007, 10:48:56 PM
Yea that's true

I LOVE NASCAR!! I'm a total redneck

Yea duct tape is used in big sheets to repair various parts of a car

wait...your Uncle works in NASCAR?? effing awesome!!
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: Goblin Cat 😸 on September 27, 2007, 11:40:52 PM
Lol, yes, but I don't get along with any of my family, so it's just like he doesn't exist.
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: ephemral on September 28, 2007, 01:10:55 AM
Quote
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)



Not really. Peanuts are not nuts or peas.
This is a sign of humanities damnation through stupidity, not the label.XP
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: Vosur Aekira on September 28, 2007, 09:55:53 AM
Quote from: ephemral on September 28, 2007, 01:10:55 AM

Quote
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)



Not really. Peanuts are not nuts or peas.
This is a sign of humanities damnation through stupidity, not the label.XP
Peanuts are in the same family as most 'nuts'... so they are nuts. ((In more than one way. XD ))
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: ephemral on September 28, 2007, 08:43:26 PM
Not to create a tangent or derail this topic, but...
Quote from: "Wikipedia"
Although a nut in the culinary sense, in the botanical sense the fruit of the peanut is a woody, indehiscent legume and not a nut.


Quote from: "Vosur"
so they are nuts. ((In more than one way. XD ))

Well, I guess we're both right. :p ((In different ways. XD))
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: Vosur Aekira on September 28, 2007, 08:45:14 PM
...and so we are nuts for carrying this along.
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: ephemral on September 28, 2007, 08:51:02 PM
Quote from: "Vosur"
...and so we are nuts for carrying this along.


Only in Ameri.....OK, online. :P
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: Vosur Aekira on September 28, 2007, 08:53:24 PM
Quote from: ephemral on September 28, 2007, 08:51:02 PM

Only in Ameri.....OK, online. :P
I'm not in America at the moment... :peek:
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: Fisk on September 29, 2007, 07:36:01 AM
Quote from: Vosur on September 28, 2007, 08:53:24 PM

Quote from: ephemral on September 28, 2007, 08:51:02 PM

Only in Ameri.....OK, online. :P
I'm not in America at the moment... :peek:


No, but I am... so, Bump!  :P
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: Vosur Aekira on September 29, 2007, 08:05:00 PM
We need a Pyong ninja for this... the 'peeking' around doesn't suffice. :snicker:
Title: Re: Only in America!
Post by: DaiRraito IS, FurryLAE. on September 30, 2007, 02:51:14 PM
Only online will you hear Vos rant on about pyong XD