The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: Grovygrunge on March 23, 2015, 12:57:30 AM
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Some of you may know that earlier today I was...a little down I guess...and I told those of you that ask me about it that it was "personal" and stuff like that. Well, what had happened was that my partner told me something. He said he saw some comic he connected with you and explained it had opened his eyes to how he is with me.
By that he meant how he can fall into these extremely negative moods, and I mean like, hating himself, thinking he's bad for me. calling me a liar whenever I try to show him otherwise. You see...He's pretty depressed. He always regrets getting like this afterwards and it' tough on me because I feel like if I ever buckle he's going to buckle twice as hard. I'm trying to stay strong for both of us, making a lot of promises to make him happy. It gets to me, so i get frustrated because I'm not letting it out.
Now, I'm not looking for pity or anything....Was just getting something off my chest. I feel a little better now that I have.
(I want to apologise to those who tried to get me to confide in them earlier, even if you didn't notice I was purposely dodging giving you a straight answer. I'm sorry for that)
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If you'd like to talk to me, I'm always open! It's a tough spot... It's a situation where no matter which option you choose, something bars gonna happen. You need to evaluate pros and cons. If you do nothing, the toxicity will rip you apart, and you'll fall twice as hard.
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I think that sometimes, to inflict change in someone, something dramatic has to happen to kind of "wake" them up. And I say this based on what I've learned about myself when I was in a similar situation as your mate.
I think it's important that when your partner shows signs of self-hating, definitely let them know that they have someone who cares about them very much. Don't let them feel like they are alone. It seems like you've been doing a good job of this. However, there's a point where this becomes detrimental...
Maybe unconditional love and sympathy from you isn't going to help. It's almost encouraging that behavior in a sense. I think you need to maybe tell your partner that if they keep up this behavior, then you'll want to spend some time away from them until they get it figured out. It is a self-battle. And when you lose something that means a lot to you, it really makes you reflect on yourself. When you experience something painful (such as losing a relationship), it will break you mentally (at first), but then once you heal, you become stronger than you ever were. And that might be what your partner needs. Your partner has to WANT to get better, which is half the battle. Figuring out how to do it comes later. But something has to happen to get to that first step.
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You're probably right about that, like I said though he told me this comic he read opened his eyes to how his is with me when he gets like that that and it made him extremely upset. He has asked me to try my best to stop him falling into these moods and help him overcome his depression. I think he already really wants it but just doesn't know how and neither do I really. All I can do is be understanding because I know how depression and even self hatred can feel.
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Personally, what I find helps me, is exercise. Usually, I spend 45 minutes every day on an elliptical, going at a decent speed. If I don't, I find I get into a really bad funk.
also! I reccomend checking out this video. His talk on depression helped me, I found, and he does some really cool stuff too :p
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb_3vkpfp30 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb_3vkpfp30)
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Mental health issue intertwined with relationship issues is just the most complicated thing I've ever had to deal with. Honestly it's a nightmare! But sometimes you need to tell your partner stuff honestly and sometimes you just need to get it off your chest to someone who doesn't have their own agenda in the situation.
This is a great place to do that where it's not going to come back at you in an argument or whatever.
I'm kinda curious what the cartoon was though...
I rather like this one, it's accurate but also a little adorable.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc)
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That's actually a pretty good video, pretty darn accurate
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Yeah, it's the best I've seen. It's not sugar coated but it's not pessimistic either.
feel free to show it to your partner :D