The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: Delete me on January 25, 2014, 04:20:08 AM
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So recently I have been on the furry forums, and unfortunately my mother walked into my room while I was in the forums. I did not try to hide the tab because there was no time, and it would simply look suspicious. (I did this once with a simple YouTube video and she thought it was porn). Well she asked, " what's a furry" and I said its just a community I am part of. Of course my mom, being the spy mom she is, must have googled it because about a week later in the car she said, "so I heard you are a furry, this worries me because the media tends to look at furries as sexual devieants and overly sexual in general.".
I told her that I did not identify myself with that side if the community, and it in general offends me. She looked slightly skeptical but did not Heston me further. I then asked her if we could go to a furry convention sometime and she looked extremely worried. She said, "I wouldnt really want you to go because I have been doing some research on the Internet, and many websites say the furries and very sexual, and deviant. I am also slightly ashamed that you would identify with such a comunity". I went on to explain to her that I dont identify with this side of the community but she still looked really worried.
What I dont understand is why my mom can't just accept me for who I am. She always is talking about how I need to try to fit in better at school. But I simply don't care what other people think. I am going to be who I am.
My mother said that she would try to keep an open mind about me going to a furry convention but she needed to look into it further. I should have explained to her better what a furry was so she didn't find all of the bad stuff online.
I don't think I will tell my dad for a while because he seems to judge me for being different alot. He wouldn't understand t for sure, and he would just think it is some weird fetish that my son is into.
I also feel a sense of misunderstanding in my life because I am very confused sexually. I feel sexual attraction towards both men and woman, yet I have never told anyone this. I am sure my parents would accept it, but I am sure my two sisters (whom of which I love) would most certainly hate me and spread rumors about me. Not to mention my grandparents simply wouldn't understand. And worst the school I go to is heavily republican so I would get bullied, and all of my friends would never accept me. (just because I might be bisexual, that's how stupid some people are)
I hate how my parents think I need to be perfect at all times. Any mistake I make is terrible, and yet my sisters have LOTS of problems that they try to ignore. They see me as little mr. Perfect and I am not allowed to make any mistakes or be different. Maybe it is because I do well in school, and am intelligent and bright. (4 point honor role student, national scholar etc...).
I am so confused and I don't have anyone to talk to who would understand me. Maybe I will talk to my mom about this because she is very understanding and loving so she would accept it.
Thank you all, and sorry for any misspellings (typed on an iPad)
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Yeah I know what you mean. My dad doesn't understand why I like to compete in call of duty. He doesn't realize that I am good enough to make money playing. He thinks I'm just playing to play it.
A lot of people don't understand why I am so shy in person. The reason why is because I'm 16 with a prosthetic leg. I mastered walking so nobody can tell a difference but it's still embarrassing when people do notice then look and start whispering.
If people could just be more understanding of people, a lot more confrontations, fights, wars, etc...wouldn't happen. I guess i need to learn to be understanding too because I don't understand why people are not understanding.
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Thanks for the reply!
I agree I hate discrimination in all forms and all it really does is cause separation and hate. I wish I could just tell my parents with no fear of discrimination but that would be impossible.
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Yeah it's okay though. You have a friend in me! :D you can tell me anything and there will be no discrimination!
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Thats sad... I think you should have the right to decide how you would identify yourself, and who you really are. As for me; first I didn't tell my parents neither that I am a furry, And I've had some troubles with it since my dad installed PC monitor programs on my computer (grrr). After a couple of weeks i finally told them and they didn't seem to worry to much about it (luckly)... as for my friends, they still don't know, and they won't need to know. Why should I tell them if there is no logical reason, byond that: I don't think there are many furries like me in my country, so yeah, it would be weird if I would tell anybody...
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Yeah zehn. What difference does it make? It's not illegal, it doesn't harm people, all it does is make people think oddly of you. There's no need for others to know.
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I don't tell people unless they ask. If they hate me because I am a furry then they can quite simply get out of my life (as many of my old friends have unfortunately)
Strangely enough my SUPER Christian friend didn't care and I might tell him I think I am bisexual but I don't know because he always talks about how gays are bad, and stuff.
So confused. :/
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Yeah I wouldn't say bisexual id say bicurious because if you don't know if you like both then you aren't bisexual. But i wouldn't tell him. Last person I told about my experiments told all my friends and got me beaten up for it so I don't really tell anybody anything about my sexual preferences.
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Is it necissary to tell your friend about that? Cause if it is not necissary, you don't have to tell him.
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I like how us three kinda have the same opinions on these things lol
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Its a good sign of understanding, Sylvilix :) its better then just having different opinions, this makes everything easier to understand I think
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I agree. Zehn on an off topic note, you said there aren't many furries in your country? What country?
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The netherlands... I'm dutch
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Ah okay. Haven't met somebody from there in awhile! Glad to make your acquaintance.
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Strangely enough nothing is posting.
I don't feel sexual attraction towards anyone in my school. So when people talk about all the hot girls and stuff, I don't understand it. If I was in a serious relationship with someone (men or women) and I really loved them then maybe I would feel sexual attraction.
I am really confused...
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We're kinda in the same boat, only that I'm not living with my parents anymore and I'm old enough to go wherever I want to go..
I came out as a furry about a month ago, and my mom asked me about it and I explained it as well as I could, making it perfectly clear to her that you can ask "what's a furry" from thousands of people and get thousands of different answers.. There are bad sides in all fandoms, but people kinda seem to like to forget that since furries in my experience seem to be prety open with their fetishes.. But that still doesn't mean everyone is into that sort of stuff... Mom didn't really get it, and didnt' show too much interest, but a few days later her boyfriend was driving me back to my placce and he suddenly started to ask me stuff about the fandom, what it was all about and stuff... He was really understanding and showed quite abit of interest.. Hopefully he
can bring my mom to understand it better too...
I havn't told mom about me getting another fursuit tho, since she weren't too excited about it last time i got one (that one was a gift for my pet fox.. Now it's finally my turn), since I'm worried about how she'll react...
But at least she accepts that im a furry and doesn't seem to see it as anything weirder than "a bunch of grown up people who like to dress up as animals and have fun"
What I would do in your situation is to try and tell your mom that the media have only targeted the "bad part" of the fandom since that makes for more interesting and better-selling stories than "David, 25, likes to dress up as Kevin the fox and party with his friends".. The bad part is there, but it's not the main thing in the fandom for most...
And not caring about what other people think of you is a great thing.. It's those who try and be just like "everyone else" who are the weaker ones in that case
As for sexuality, is it really necessary for your friends and family to know that? I also have some really confusing things going on in my head about "what i am", but I don't feel like my family or friends need to know more about it... (I have pretty accepting parents tho since one of my siblings are currently in a same-sex relationship and my parents accept it quite ok.. Event tho they "wish it wasn't that way" they can still live with it and be supporting)
If you still think you want to come out with it, remember that there's nothing wrong in being bisexual or anything else no matter what people say or do, and if they can't accept it, the problem is on their side.
I can't really relate to the last thing since I've let my parents down too much when it's about school so they've kinda given up on me there... But I think trying to tell them how you feel about it could help...
And yes, if you think your mother will accept and understand you, try find some time where you both will have plenty of time to talk through things alone.. You don't need to tell her everything at once, but just get the whole thing started so that she knows what's going on in your head..
^That's at least what I have tried and what I would try... I'm not all that good at giving advice but hopefully it'll help at least a little...
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I feel sexual attraction to women. But I'm bi curious. I (not trying to brag) hooked up with many girls last year but I also hooked up with my best friend who is a guy. It kinda ruined our friendship.
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Thanks for the reply cheza, that's very helpful. (you have a pet fox which is pretty awesome!)
Your advice is really helpful and I will try to find time to explain to my mother.
Sylvillix that is actually very helpful as well (your also lucky to be such a playa!)
Hehe
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I think a lot of you are really courageous to tell about all of this... I would like to tell some things too but I wouldn't do that in the open, especially when friends can track the things I say, as well as my parents. I see this fandom as something personal, something which is not necissary to share with just everyone I know. (But thats just my opinion)
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*stunned face* what da heck cheza! Making me look bad
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Hehe thank you for all the comments.
I want to tell my mom that I am bicurious although it might be better to just use the term bisexual because it is less confusing. But I feel like nobody would look at me in the same light especially my dad. On the other hand keeping all of these emotions inside feels like something is chewing me apart from the inside, and it is really detrimental to me health. :'(
I should probably tell somebody because I tend to hurt myself when overwhelmed with intense emotions. (I know this is unhealthy and I am trying to stop)
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Don't worry, you aren't alone in the self-harm boat. It's your decision even though I'd prefer if everybody (including myself) could just stop, but please just make sure you are careful. Okay?
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The both of you should be carefull. i've read your stories... espesially the one of Sylvilix almost made me cry... (And i do not cry often). Take care you two. I wish you both the best. Feel free to PM me if something troubles you I'll always try to help.
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Thank you! I appreciate your feedback.
I don't do anything serious don't worry, but sometimes I hit myself in the head or scratch my face. Sounds dumb but emotions cn really get the better of you.
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I wish i could tell my parents about both my sexuality and my 'furness". I'm a 17yo guy with nazi-esque christian parents; im still figuring out if im bi. Keeping it secret from them just builds up wall after metaphorical wall that will eventually topple on me. My parents cant stand when i keep secrets, so when they know im hiding something, they make my life hell. And boy do i have somethin to hide. All my close friends know... i just wish i could talk openly with my parents.
:(
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Jsut tread carefully!
Founds out de hard ways.
I slipped up and said "Boyfriend" and now they are jsut grumpy awkward suggesting-toward-majority-ness.
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You're probably bi, I am too myself. There were plenty of hot people when I went through school, but I didn't feel the magnitude of attraction as everyone else. Preference tends to fluctuate from one sex to the next, without any will involved. Just kinda happens.
You also seem shy to me, which doesn't really help matters. Introversion is not a bad thing, but people get strange ideas from it. Find a nice hobby to get you through your tumultuous times. A creative outlet that you can improve consistently also helps immensely.
Your parents may just not like the idea that you're a furre, but as long as you don't involved in anything too weird, I don't see any kind of super-intrusion.
Write, draw, express your creativity with something.
And don't overthing your sexuality. My hunch is you really are bi, but, as I said, it's not always a consistent preference. Sometimes it's guys you're mainly into, sometimes the opposite. Happens by itself. And if you are still worried, it's something that more or less sorts itself out with time.
One more piece of advice: when you feel like you are interested in anything, male or female, it usually just means your going through a 'flip'. It's not permanent, unless you're more asexual than bisexual.
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I know how you feel. When I told my mum what a furry was, I told her everything. I told her that there are strange people who go too far and make porn, but I am not part of that side, and since she is afraid of me seeing exposed breasts in an "R" raten movie, she got really worried. But when I told her what fursuiting was, she started looking on e-bay for mascot costumes and I told her not to worry about it lol... But, back on track, having worried mothers is hard when it comes to this fandom. I told her about Califur and that I wanted to go (I will be 18 then) and I read off all the rules and how it said no elicit drugs, alcohol, ect and she said "why would they even need to bring that up".... So, mothers can be weird, and I would never tell my father because he is weird and he would wise-crack about it... and I, too am bisexual lol
So, Yea, I'm going through somehing somewhat similar. I am a far-right conservative republican, but I do not hate people because of sexual orientation. That is a big misconception.
Hope this helped (I know I'm late posting here)
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Chin up mate, You'll be able to tell the truth openly and feel completely comfortable about it in your own time, don't push yourself to do it, the people who bully or ridicule you for whatever it may be are not the kind of people you want to incorporated within your life any longer.
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Thank you for all the support, I am feeling better now, and moving on with my life.
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In my honest opinion, we are just human. My father disapproves of my hobby, airsoft, which is a great release for me other than wrestling. I'm going into the Navy as (hopefully) a corpsman, which is a combat medic. My family is supportive about that, but my father hates airsoft. I haven't even told anyone (other than my sister and closest friends) about being a furry. It hurt, but I'm not gonna stop being myself. I am who I am, I F-Up sometimes, but I don't let it tear me down. And I know what it's like to have parents with high expectations, my dad grounded me for a C in the 10th grade. I'm an AFJROTC Cadet, and thankfully recently promoted. Well, to sum up what I'm trying to say without ranting, you aren't perfect, no one is. You are doing well for yourself and you shouldn't let them get to you. I know saying "cheer up" doesn't always help, but hang in there, you're doing better than I am in school, and I have a 3.2. Be proud! You seem like a good person, so don't let them change that. You're Muffinz the Fox! If you need to talk, just talk to me, HadenWolfFox20.
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Hey Muffinz,
To keep this as short and sweet as I can.
Do what you do to find yourself as long as it doesn't harm anybody - which from what you said, seems harmless so it's all good!
Keep your actions to yourself if you are surrounded with people who may be toxic (your sisters spreading rumours). You can open up to people who you can trust to respect your behaviour. To non furries, this appears like you are searching for yourself, (or those who really don't understand may think you are just disturbed) because they honestly don't understand why you would identify as something that they see as unnatural.
Also, if you don't act suspicious about it, ie closing tabs and what not - it doesn't look like something that needs looking into (unless your mom would go into your business regardless).
And the sexual confusion, during puberty you go through so many hormonal changes that it's crazy! This is probably the weirdest time in anybody's life. If you're flooded with emotion and what not, try to use logic, that usually would help me go through that time as well. Think of the consequences to your actions before you go with anything. And if you experiment, USE PROTECTION!!
The good thing about puberty (and anything really) is that it doesn't last forever. By around 19-20 maybe a bit over, you will stabilize and look back to your teens and laugh. It's a confusing time but that's because you have so many hormones, man, you can't even control it.
And if you are a female in real life, then scientifically you are attracted to females as well. I forget if they found an evolutionary reason behind it but they ran experiments to see what turns on the genders with various sexual orientations and discovered women to be attracted to women. Including those who identified as straight and reported to not be attracted to women (either disconnected from their body and its arousal or maybe just hiding a secret :P )
Anyway, teens are hard, it'll get better. Especially if you can get yourself a good job and move out. That is if you're done school, don't ditch school unless you have a business strategy that you're willing to commit to.
Seriously, good luck
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The reason people like to discriminate is because you don't agree with THEIR views. It's not the social norm, therefore it's suddenly the wrong thing to do. Parents are usually very stupid and unaware of how social life functions in today's society. I can agree completely with you, when I was younger my I was scared that my parents would find out about this because I didn't want their views on me to change. I knew that it would cause some sort of disruption. I like to RP and it's what I enjoy because I don't get any thrill out of my current lifestyle of education and boredom. I also didn't want to deal with what you did and explain how not ALL furries are sexual in the fandom. I think a good example would be anime in Japan. While some Americans look at people who like Anime and Manga and say "Oh that's childish.", people in Japan think it's perfectly normal and odd that you think this. It's what the public thinks that influences what is not and what is okay. You should talk to your mother about it next time she brings it up and explain that you aren't some weird social outcast who gets off to this because he hates the world for not accepting him. You need to explain that this is fun for us and it's our way of enjoying and expressing ourselves. If she doesn't understand, then explain that she most likely won't because she ISN'T part of the group and that it's just a think that makes sense to us. If she assumes you're wrong and that she is right, bring up the anime thing and explain that what the public believes is almost always forced upon the few who do not think the same.
Everyone is different, and because of it we are ridiculed.
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I understand what u mean, my parents were always skeptic of my choices of becoming a furry and sometimes even restricted me from drawing it. At that point, I began to see the lack of acceptance so now... I really don't care anymore. Inside, I will always be a furry. And NO ONE WILL EVER CHANGE THAT. :)
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Even if your parents are as understanding as they should be or seem that way, you always have the support of the fandom community :D i stand by any fandom members side nomatter what happens