The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: asterisk on December 23, 2013, 06:32:46 AM
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I've been openly in the fandom for about 3 years now. I knew what the fandom was for years before that, where I secretly browsed furry art websites and developed my fursona and such. Anyway, when I finally did join the fandom, I noticed that most furries didn't like me. I thought furries were supposed to be accepting people. =\ It's not like I do anything strange or unacceptable or anything.
A little bit about me: I hate drugs and alcohol, and hate parties or being social. Most furries seem to be the complete opposite. The ones who aren't just hate me for no reason. I'm dead serious. I've had my non-furry friends be a lot more accepting.
I shouldn't have to try this hard to be accepted into this fandom. It's caused me a lot of self-harm and abuse in the past and I'm sick of it. I'm mentally and physically scarred from it. I just wish this fandom never existed, it caused nothing but trouble for me. Yet I keep on trying to make friends and find a boyfriend and be accepted, only to fail again.
Help me please. :'(
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I would like to point out that I have not experienced anything you've experienced so far. (Not to disprove you, please read-on and I hope you'll understand :))
I had the complete opposite.
All furry friends I have, to most at least, don't like alcohol, drugs, don't even like smoking. Some don't even want to try it out. Most furries I know have difficulty socialising, and this is because of multiple reasons. Most furries meet each other online, live in different countries. But there could also be reasons why they're 'shy online'. It sometimes takes a while before most open up.
I don't know where you've experienced this (on this forum or some other furry forum or website?), but I've had very good experiences on this forum.
Wishing for something not to exist, because there seems to be a communication problem somewhere is kind of a rash thought. To keep on trying is a good thing. And of course, as you might have realised by now, it can be very hard. Sometimes harder for some people than for others. But instead of giving up, you should keep pressing on. You shouldn't put yourself down just because it doesn't work, even though it's been taking years.
I am willing to help, but perhaps it's a good idea if you tell us what you want exactly. I think I have an idea, but I would like to hear it form you clearly :)
Just take a step back and think calmly, take your time. It's allright.
Hope this helps a a bit,
~Ventus
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No one is ever alone asterisk. Never...I'm here, ventus is here, the admins are here. And we all would love to know who you are...I love new friends and so does ventus I'm sure. To be friends you must "talk" to us. Heck we are better then friends...we are people who care. Do what ventus said. Think for a moment...clear your mind and then think....we can wait, I won't leave.
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We strive to make this forum feel like a warm and welcoming place. If anyone gives you trouble, please let me know.
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Hey Asterisk!
I've only officially been in the fandom for 2 months, but I've found this forum really inspirational and friendly.
I might not be suitable mate material but I'd like to be your buddy!
I can't wait to get to know you better. As a more experienced furry I'm sure you could teach me a bunch!!
See you around the forum hopefully :D
*hugs*
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I understand what it feels like to be rejected (especially in my younger years) by those who were a part of things of which that I wanted to be a part of. I also have, to be honest, heard what you've mentioned before. I've actually been at quite a distance to the furry community due to the certain aura many furries to have about them, however I saw that this site and a few others seem to be really friendly as Trixsie said. But it's not "furries" that are the issue, it's "people". If you get with people who clash with your personality and values you're not very likely to get on. Finding people with the same interests is one thing, finding people with the same/appropriate mindset is another. The side effect of everyone being at least somewhat unique means that no one can entirely get on with someone, even those who love each other deeply will argue/disagree on certain things. You may just had perhaps met all the wrong people or simply communicated the wrong way with the types of people you met. Note also that you cannot just expect people to want to be your friend - people can very picky of who they make best buddies with and over what time period (especially on the internet, for example). Just like you may feel you should be allowed to avoid being friends with someone who you hardly know and see as potentially uninteresting, they are, too (especially if they're introverted and don't want any extra close friends).
If you've ever loaded your stresses onto others too much this is also another common reason for why people may reject you (it causes them to feel bad as well when they may feel they shouldn't have to) - not accusing of this but this is a common reason for being rejected - also, if you think people in the high street are actually happy, you may find you're actually quite mistaken, it's merely to encourage the overall mood and loading your issues onto others has the opposite effect on the overall mood (a negative one). Try to think and act positively and you will encourage positive changes to your social life, thinking and acting negatively will only fool yourself into dwelling on the idea that you're still in a negative situation and lead you into further rejection. Things will get better, count your blessings in life (compared to the other billions of people in sheer poverty) and take advantage of being free and alone while you are (a more social life isn't always an easy one). Even if you have not done this so far, I feel I must mention this for your future reference.
I don't approve of drug/alcohol use due to health and wealth risks, though people take such substances for reasons, such as to reach a high for some period of time so they can just for a while take an edge of their life stresses. "Some" people who have much internal stress and don't take such substances may be more domineering in any small social group that they participate in and because they don't get on as well outside such circles they may attempt to dominate and ridicule certain members of the internal circle if they're not quite "alike" them enough.
Another reason I don't approve of drug/alcohol use however is because for plenty it can also make them more violent as well. I for one do not drink alcohol or take recreational drugs and do not cast out others unless they are a danger to the status quo (though, I do believe in giving others chances). Though, my point here is that you can meet the nicest people who drink or take drugs, but you can also meet horrible people who don't.
I'm sorry to hear about your mental and physical harm, have you talked to your psychologist about treating any remaining feelings? If you show any signs of any persistent PTSD-like symptoms I'd recommend you try to talk it through with a professional (especially if you have had experienced direct cyberbullying).
I can't say I can be your mate but I can be your friend if you want me to, feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk :3
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Asterisk, I think there's something wrong with everyone you've met, or else you're meeting the wrong people (no harm meant by that).
You seem like a nice person, and I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't like to hang out with you. I'm glad you've managed to find people who are accepting of you.
It's not worth harming yourself over this. Anyone who doesn't like you isn't worth any of your time, effort, or thought. To paraphrase the great Dr. Seuss, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
I can't imagine I can heal all the scars these past 3 years have left on you, but I'd like to help you, and I'm sure everyone else would like to, as well. Spend some more time on this forum; everyone here's friendly.
We're supposed to be one big family, and families look out for each other.
Let me be the first to say: Welcome to the family, Asterisk. I accept you.
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Hey.
Even though i act like im cute on here, i have been severely depressed, while on the forums. You called alot of people that usually dont post. That means something, something you wanted to hear. We care alot. Tall, short, fat, skinny, i dont care. The thing i want you to know is that i can be tge person you rant to, converse, whatever. Id really like to hear you talk about your story.
*Warm hug*
You are special, and i know noone deserves to not be accepted.
*tear*
You got me to cry.
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I know exactly how you feel. It makes me very self conscious online that few people seem to enjoy my company. It really makes me sad when everyone and their brother gets a hello on the Irc here or elsewhere after I attempt to say hi with no return, just a few minutes before. I've often wondered what makes that occur. I always assumed it was familiarity. Based on the replies, though, it sounds like it's completely unintentional. I hope everything clears up for ya.
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Well I'm glad that you guys have had better experience with furries. Maybe I will change and someday I will be accepted more.
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*POUNCE!*
*Huggsss*
*runs off*
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Well I'm glad that you guys have had better experience with furries. Maybe I will change and someday I will be accepted more.
No need to change! PM me, i dont bite!
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Different boards often happen to attract varying sets of people, hence your past experiences (probably)
The rejection you may have encountered elsewhere won't apply here -smiles-
--Sent using Tapatalk on my Android device--
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In my experience, furs have always been loving and accepting people. At my school the furry group consists of me and a bunch of really smart, nice kids but we are kind of the outiders. No one really messes with us and we don't mess with them. Except for when I wore a tail to school... Then people went after me :< but that's besides the point. What matters is that no one will mistreat you here ^-^ welcome to our crazy family!
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A little bit about me: I hate drugs and alcohol, and hate parties or being social. Most furries seem to be the complete opposite. The ones who aren't just hate me for no reason. I'm dead serious. I've had my non-furry friends be a lot more accepting.
Well I know what it is like to be not acceted. My parents Kicked me out of the house when I was 16 for being gay. I have been living a life alone in the woods where I hunt and grow my own food. I am very strongly against Drugs abd alcohol, and I have always stayed away from the party myself. I know how you feel. trust me. So Maska Sigo is here to help! When it comes to relationships I might have a book to help you. I have given up myself but then on this site I have found the perfict mate in the world and I have never been happier.
Your friend,
Maska Sigo, The King of the Raccoons
PS: Message me if you need any advice of any kind, or if you just want to talk I am always up for it.
PSS: I hope you have a good day! ^_^
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As everyone else in the thread has said, it just sounds like you ran into the wrong people. It's no fault of yours, of course. Sometimes we're just unlucky when it comes to meeting new people. I myself find it very difficult to make friends with many of the people around me in real life, simply because they're not the types of people I want to hang out with. I go to a very... preppy university. In spite of the university boasting about how diverse and multicultural the student body is, much of it is very homogenous. Many of the people here all act and dress similarly to one another. Everyone is either a rich prep that's super involved in campus activities and has gone to private schools their whole lives, or an overly-cynical hipster with an inflated ego and a pack of european cigarettes within arm's reach at all times. Many of them believe the only fun thing to do is get absolutely smashed at every opportunity.
I find it very difficult to fit in with these types of people, and often experience a vibe of hostility or disapproval from them, simply because I'm different. I don't come from a rich family, I'm not involved on campus at all, I'm not religious, I don't like getting drunk, and I just like different things than most of them. While they dress in skinny jeans, plaid shirts, and sunglasses, I come to school in army pants, a Godzilla T-shirt, and a tattered old hoodie. I suppose one of the few things I have in common with them is that I listen to a lot of music nobody's ever heard of—except my tastes consist mostly of very over-the-top electronic music and heavy metal.
The point is, you're not the only one who has found it difficult to fit in. Many furries are in the same boat, because we often have different mindsets and interests than most people. Again, your lack of acceptance into the fandom is likely the result of simply talking to the wrong furries.
As for the issue of drug and alcohol use, I believe Kibari put it quite well when they said that a person's use of these substances—or lack thereof—doesn't necessarily affect how they are as a person. For example, I do drink alcohol, but only in moderation; typically only a single drink every now and again. And I'm very picky about what I drink, usually limiting myself only to ciders and dark beers, with the occasional glass of wine. I'm of the mindset that enjoying the drink itself—its flavors, textures, scents, etc—is much more important than getting drunk. A friend of mine used a good analogy to describe alcohol: when used properly and in moderation, it's simply a social lubricant, so to speak. It can help one to relax and open up a little more to those they choose to spend their time with.
This brings me to my next point. This particular friend takes a few different varieties of recreational drugs. Some are fairly light, while others are quite hard. I wouldn't take any of these substances myself, but that doesn't change the fact that he's one of my closest friends. He's a genuinely great person, and he's never failed to be there when I need him.
By the same token, I've known drinkers and drug users who are just complete jerks. It really just depends on the person. You'll find good and bad people from every walk of life. What they do, and what they choose to put into their bodies is their decision, be it for better or for worse. But what you should pay attention to is, as Dr. King put it, "the content of [their] character."
As the others in this thread have said, we're all here to be your friends. You can speak to any of us without fear. This forum and its members pride ourselves on being accepting and representing the furry fandom properly. We put our best paw forward, so to speak. You're among friends here, and if anyone ever gives you any trouble, don't hesitate to let the mods know. They'll set things right.
You're gonna be just fine here.
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Hey! I don't have much to say like everyone else ): but I wanted to say hi :D
You don't need to change at all! You are you and there will be people who like you and those who dont, forever and always- that's how it's always been. You don't like drugs or alcohol or partying and neither do I! Your shy and don't like crowds and I'm the same way. We can relate and maybe be friends :D I'm looking for friends too.
Anywho, I feel like most people in this fan dom are good people - I'd go as far ti say that it's a stereotype- and I hope you have better experiences on these and other forums. The people your talking about don't seem like very good people :$
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Simplest way to put it:
This site is full of great and caring furrys that will love to be your friend <^,^>
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And note the couple of fun strange ones.
*Points to self*
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And note the couple of fun strange ones.
*Points to self*
I can fit in that category
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Lots Can!
I've jsut made it here by adapting.
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The world is divers...no one person is the same (with the exception of twins.) but people find similarities in each other and talk about that one thing. So those people obviously had a similarity you might not have shared with them. But here we will not talk about that one similarity but talk about everything that we all like.
The word "friend" pops up a lot here but the truth is...we are more then that. We all hope on seeing you around here and around the world in this cute fuzzy community. And don't you ever think we are "freaks" because we are not. And anoni can vouch for that! (He's the smartest fur I know..Besides uncle Kage.)