The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: Hinoko on May 08, 2013, 12:48:17 AM
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Well, a year ago my mate left me. She cheated on me and then left... I spent months trying to get her back but in the end she found a new guy and didn't care about my pain. I almost ended it many times, and all for nothing. I changed, and all my friends saw it. Well, I finally started slipping out of my depression but I really need a mate. I mean, it sucks being one of the only furs at my school, and the other one is my Ex-Boyfriend. [not the same ex that im talking about here] Well, if anyone has advice on forgetting about pain or finding a new mate, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Hinoko.
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My advice may seem counterintuitive, but I believe you'll have more luck if you don't go about doing things with the exclusive purpose of finding a mate. Many of my friends, and myself included, have found partners by complete and utter accident. It can help if you are part of a group that partakes in an activity you enjoy, as that at least provides one criterium which you know you have in common with the others in the group and can be the catalyst for ultimately finding a mate. However, at the same time you never know when you might just run into "the one" on the street someday by sheer chance. What I can say with more certainty is you don't want to be too aggressive, because you may see a couple specific traits in a person, become enamored with them because you desire a mate so strongly, and end up in a relationship that on the whole isn't compatible even though it seems good at first. As cliche as it sounds, just keep your heart and your options open, and try to look to the future and the possibility of finding someone rather than dwelling in the past. If you ever need help with that, just know that you're in the midst of an extremely supportive community here who will always be willing to assist you if you ask for it. :)
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I completely agree with NovaAurora on this one. Don't meet people with the implicit intention of seeing them as "potential mates", the problem with that is you tend to only focus on the good rather than the bad and you can get up in a relationship with someone you don't truly love, or doesn't truly love you. See people as a "friend" first, I believe there's a stand hierarchy that should be followed, acquintance, friend, good friend, mate. Your mate should be a good friend before they become your mate, otherwise there's a lot of room for error in terms of picking a romantic partner
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Yeah, thats what happened to me, she seemed perfect so I rushed in. And well, yeah. It was bad.
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Look reflectively not regretfully! Learn from your mistakes bud, you've come out as a wiser and more strong person. Remember that and you will eventually find the one, I promise!
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Yeah, I didn't think I'd meet anyone, but I met my mate when I wasn't even looking for one. And he and I are incredibly happy together. ^_^
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Aww, :P Well, I hope your right. Thanks guys, you've been a great help!