The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: CormacCoyotecraft on January 21, 2012, 09:37:34 PM
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What's it like, and is it worth it?
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I'd say something profound about it, but I'm still learning about it myself XD
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I haven't even started yet... but I can give you one tip...
Be compassionate. And be yourself.
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Never dated before, so, my advice is pretty much just off observation.
But I'd think that it's best to be confident, don't see a date as something like a procedure, test or exam, just see it as a fun leisure activity you can use to spend some quality time with that special someone :D
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It's great if you can handle rough waters. Different people equals different perspectives and behaviors, and the occasional clash.
Just don't pick someone you've known online for a week or two like too many furries I see. Stick to people you've met IRL, or online folks you actually have a good understanding of if you want them that badly.
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I agree with Ottersmash.
Although only to a point. Going on a date with someone you've known for a week isnt that bad IMO, even if it was online. Just so long as the relationship isnt online... And you're sure you know about the person. Som nasty suprises could come out of that xD
But dating is... And always will be...
A competition against yourself, mostly. I find that when dating if theres an issue it should be because of incompatibility, not something you said or did. So be yourself... But dont be an idiot :P
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I find that when dating if theres an issue it should be because of incompatibility, not something you said or did. So be yourself... But dont be an idiot :P
This is the perfect way to put it. I hate when people try to put on an act for a person that they think they like. The best thing to be during a date is yourself. If that doesn't work with the other person, then they aren't right for you.
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Thank you all for replying, and thank you all for your understanding kindness. This may seem silly, but it means a lot to me. A lot.
Until recently I'd viewed dating and the emotions associated with it as a kind of evil. Now I'm realizing they're not necessarily all that bad a thing. Thus, I've become curious about it.
But I still have to ask if it's worth it. It seems to be incredibly restrictive, which raises the previous question. Dating, or any romantic, relationship-type interactions, from my observations, seems to be a heavy weight to wallet, time and freedom.
In summary, I guess I'm just trying to scope out its nature before I even think about attempting to venture into that world, or deciding if it's worth visiting at all.
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Thank you all for replying, and thank you all for your understanding kindness. This may seem silly, but it means a lot to me. A lot.
Until recently I'd viewed dating and the emotions associated with it as a kind of evil. Now I'm realizing they're not necessarily all that bad a thing. Thus, I've become curious about it.
But I still have to ask if it's worth it. It seems to be incredibly restrictive, which raises the previous question. Dating, or any romantic, relationship-type interactions, from my observations, seems to be a heavy weight to wallet, time and freedom.
In summary, I guess I'm just trying to scope out its nature before I even think about attempting to venture into that world, or deciding if it's worth visiting at all.
Some people are pretty high-maintenance, yes, and whole you're young and still experimenting it's bound to be a little messy. People aren't sure what they want or how they're supposed to act yet, and some grow up believing all the wrong things anyway. Not everyone's going to insist that you text them back in two minutes flat and only take them out to the finest diners, though. You give up a little when you start seeing someone seriously, but you gain something, too.
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You might not want to consider it dating. Be friends, then really good friends, then OMG SUPRISE. You're dating...
Really try to make that great friend that you can hold in your arms. :'(
Because if you two don't get along, then it will not go anywhere.
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I've actually had a lot of girlfriends & I was even engaged for a few years.
It is worth it but the pain of a breakup is horrible. Be cautious & only go for girls you actually like because theres a good chance that they'll actually like you.
Dont be afraid to tell your secrets (my 1st ex & I still talk & we recently found out that we are both furries). Dont tell someone your secrets unless you really want them to know.
GOOD LUCK!
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You might not want to consider it dating. Be friends, then really good friends, then OMG SUPRISE. You're dating...
Really try to make that great friend that you can hold in your arms. :'(
Because if you two don't get along, then it will not go anywhere.
Just be careful u dont get friendzoned not trying to bash your advice just sayin its happened to me
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I say get along but keep up some boundaries at first. It may seem like a good idea to be an open book from day one but that can make you seem a little flat.
And desperate. In my experience, anyway.
Definitaly dont lie but y'know what? Breakups are bad but with the right person the highs are really high. Now obviously you cant expect it to be all peachy but I've always found people worth the effort. Now dating can be a bit tough on your wallet. Even without the finest diners it gets on the expensive side but no more so than if you were out with friends.
Now again, it's no crime to start seeing someone when you first meet them, although technically that's not "dating" I dont believe you have to be friends first. You should become friends during. It's all part of the experience, the journey if you will.
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In my opinion, yes, dating is worth it.
It can make a dent in your wallet, but it's not like you have to do things that cost a lot of money or buy the person you're dating expensive things. You should take enough pleasure in just being with the person and having their company.
Time and freedom don't have to be restricted, just set out some me-time and friend-time. You don't need to be together all the time. You should be able to survive a day or two without them.
Also, you can be friends before dating or you can start dating after meeting. It's all up to you.
My mate and I were friends for about two and a half years before we started dating, and things have worked out fine. I personally like being friends first since I need to be comfortable with somebody first (very self-conscious and all that), but it may be different for you.
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I have a another, related question. I find myself scared about the thought of dating. Not simply nervous, but scared. Whenever I imagine dating, it seems like something apocalyptic will happen.
Does anyone have advice to get over this? Am I over-thinking it?
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Try to remember that the other person male or female want a relationship just as bad as you do!
They may even share some of the same fears about dating as you do! :'(
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I think it's mainly the idea and title of labeling it "dating" that kind of scared you. Maybe if you stopped calling it "dating" and just called it dinner, movie or something like that, you might not be as scared
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I think it's mainly the idea and title of labeling it "dating" that kind of scared you. Maybe if you stopped calling it "dating" and just called it dinner, movie or something like that, you might not be as scared
I think you're right; I won't think of it as dating. Thanks for the advice!
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haha no problem, glad i could help :D
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Yeah, that's pretty good advice, Anoni.
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Dont get stressed out and make the person female/male feel important and remember not to overdo it. When u get in one have fun and just hold each other and just enjoy each other. THAT IS ALL
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Ok. Here's my two cents. I don't have a large circle of friends or even a small group of really good ones. But there is one thing I desperately try for, and that is to have a special someone that I can care for, love, tend to, etc. The list is endless. I could care less about friends so long as I have that One. However, the catch is that you have to date first. Yes it can be a scary thing, and most times you'll be nervous beyond belief. But things like holding hands, your first kiss, the smile on their face after you've done something stupid but adorable are all well worth it.
It's a great rush and in the beginning it's usually very passionate. Later on, if you stay together, the passion will turn to compassion and it can be a startling change. But that's for a later discussion.
For males specifically, from personal experience, we tend to have fragile egos (and ladies, this may apply to you as well, ,but being a guy, I'm not quite as certain). Thus if you get shot down or dumped or rejected we tend to take it Very hard. One of the biggest parts of getting a date, and keeping one, is Confidence. After being shut down, we tend to lose it and then we play mind games with ourselves and just won't get that confidence back.
Here's my dating advice:
Being rejected is OK. In fact, it's necessary. It's a vital lesson to learn, being told No. The main two things to remember are these, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and, in the words of Confucius, "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
Take that to heart and you'll be a bit closer to getting over rejection when it occurs ;]
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something i've noticed about the best relationships (Including my marriage) that I have ever had.
1) It always begins totally unexpectedly
2) The nuances and details always developed on their own, without help
3) never had to push or look for anything
So, in conclusion, i would say not to push yourself into, or go looking for , a relationship. Make it clear that you are available. Make yourself available to hang out, relax, have fun. Meet people, relax, and don't go LOOKING for a relationship. Let one develop from the people that you meet, the people that you get along with and learn to love.
Don't push, that can just get everything off on a semi-strained footing.
my experience, feel free to discredit and disagree with anything/everything you read here.
Good luck ^^