The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: Toocat on August 08, 2011, 04:38:03 AM
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So, today while I was in Ohio, I was on FaceBook on my computer and stuff, waiting for my boyfriend to message me.
He had gone camping Thursday and I hadn't talked to him since Wednesday. So I was really eager to talk to him.
I knew he was there so I messaged him and got no response.
So, while I was in the car, I was ranting about it to my friend Chuck. [Nekoforlife]
And Alex [My mate] messaged me saying he was sorry for not messaging because he was busy.
So, I was like fine whatever.
So, then we started to talk about some personal stuff like when I was suicidal and stuff. [don't worry, I'm done with it]
I said something like, "I felt like no one noticed me" and he said "I noticed you." And I said, "Well, it didn't really seem like it when we first started dating."
And he said that he was young and uncomfortable and the time. And said "Well, sometimes it still feels that way." He said he was sorry and didn't mean it. And that I was the most important thing to him. And then I said "If I'm so important why are you never at things that are important in my life? Like my birthday dinner, my karate promotion, that fricking dance I asked you to and you said you didn't want to go AFTER you said you would! You always seem to be "busy" and then I find out you did nothing!" He said he was sorry and that he'd try harder and stuff like that. He was begging me not to leave him the whole time. I was really pissed cause it's been building up and I finally burst. I told him I don't know what else to do.
He told me he'd try harder and be there for me and such. He said I was the most important thing in his life and he didn't want to loose me.
After I was done being angry, I felt soooo bad. I could never yell at some one like that, let alone my mate!
I said I was sorry and that I felt bad. He said it was okay and that I just needed to let it out.
I'm really glad he didn't get pissed at me. I was afraid he would.
I still feel AWFUL about the whole thing, I don't know what to do to make it up to him?
I don't know if I should? What should I do?
Our relationship is okay, it actually feels like it's better but I still feel just terrible about this whole thing.
We've been dating for a year and 5 months, so a little fight shouldn't ruin it. But I just hate feeling like this.
I hate being angry at him.
Any advice to what I should do to make it up?
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People in relationships fight. It's not always a bad thing. When you fight, it gives you guys a chance to talk and tell each other how you really feel about the way things are going, to get it out in the open. Holding things in just to avoid fighting is more likely to do harm to your relationship than good.
If something is bothering you, say so. Talk about it. Figure out how your mate feels about it and why he does what he does. Chances are he doesn't intend to hurt you, and he can't work toward fixing a problem until he's aware of it.
Make it clear to your mate that you're as devoted to your relationship as he is (assuming that's true, of course), and explain that just because you might fight doesn't mean you're going anywhere. You can say that you're sorry for being a little more harsh than you should have been if that's the case, but don't apologize for bringing a valid problem out into the open. If he's doing something that makes you unhappy, don't just sweep it under the rug in an attempt to make things feel okay again. It'll come back to bite you later.
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People in relationships fight. It's not always a bad thing. When you fight, it gives you guys a chance to talk and tell each other how you really feel about the way things are going, to get it out in the open. Holding things in just to avoid fighting is more likely to do harm to your relationship than good.
If something is bothering you, say so. Talk about it. Figure out how your mate feels about it and why he does what he does. Chances are he doesn't intend to hurt you, and he can't work toward fixing a problem until he's aware of it.
Make it clear to your mate that you're as devoted to your relationship as he is (assuming that's true, of course), and explain that just because you might fight doesn't mean you're going anywhere. You can say that you're sorry for being a little more harsh than you should have been if that's the case, but don't apologize for bringing a valid problem out into the open. If he's doing something that makes you unhappy, don't just sweep it under the rug in an attempt to make things feel okay again. It'll come back to bite you later.
Thank you for the help.
We usually talk about how we feel but when it's something negative, I feel bad bringing it up.
I'm afraid I'm going to hurt his feelings and such.
I feel bad for being so harsh on him. I mean, I don't feel bad for showing him something that bothers me but for being so angry about it towards him.
Our relationship is really okay, it's actually great.
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You need to let out your issues. I know from experience that it only makes it worse if you keep it held in for a while (I've had my fair share of fights with my boyfriend). It's understandable that you would worry about his feelings being hurt but it's better that he knows what's bothering you rather you keeping it bottled up and then really exploding at him later.
In the end, I feel better after a fight and feel closer to my boyfriend since I've shared my thoughts and feelings with him. It's natural to fight, it solves problems.
Also, if you get comfortable sharing when something bothers you then it will probably help your boyfriend become comfortable with doing so as well.
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It has already been said, but..
its been building up and I finally burst.
Yeah. Don't do that. Open communication is very important in a healthy relationship. Not only does it make the small stuff easier to deal with as it arises rather than letting it build up and become something bigger than it is, but it also helps you determine if that person is truely right for you and if not, you find out more efficiently that things aren't working out and an inevitable break-up becomes more of an understanding mutual parting of ways..
This is not neccessarily YOUR casebut rather just my view on communication in relationships as a whole. I'm glad your relationshiip feels in a better place. I don't think you need to make anything up to him because your emotions are valid. Just use his (and your) mistakes on handling the relationship as a mutual learning experience and grow stronger together.
Good luck! :)
Moxx-