The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: Rappy on June 15, 2011, 06:24:39 PM
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Alright well....my last mate was addicted to every kind of drug out there, and even though I tried to help stop the addiction, I'd get snapped at for bossing my mate around. Then came the law and all this great stuff....but apparently I'm to blame for this. Accusations against me for not "helping" my mate drives me insane and quite frankly-sad.
I feel that it's my fault for not...."saving" my mate, and now that we aren't together anymore, I feel so awful for everything. I just don't know what to do anymore....it'd be great if you guys has any suggestions or advise with this..."problem", I'd really appreciate it.
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Well...its never easy to watch your mate spiral downwards...
and its harder to think you can do something about it.
The unfortunate truth here is that you cant fix everyone. And when they fall its in no way your fault.
People can only be helped if they let it, if they are dead set in there ways you can do nothing but watch and hope...hope they will come to there senses..but that doesnt mean you ever stop coaxing them in the right way. But if they do fall...you are not to blame, they chose there path...
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I know, but it was so painful to just sit by and watch them do that to themselves...and no matter what I said, my mate just ignored me and kept on doing it.
After I left, I was criticized by my friends over it....something in my gut just yearns that I could've done something to stop it, even for a little while.
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Well of course..we all wish to think that there was something that could have been done. To give hope that somehow things didnt have to end as they did. But you cant hold yourself tottaly responsible for hiw own wish to abuse drugs.
You didnt put them in his hands..you did get him addicted..you cannot be to blame.
You were closest to your mate...so you feel like you were there caretaker, like they are your responsibility, but while this is true..you cannot be in total ownership to them. There are choices they will make on there own....and sometimes they will be bad ones.
But remember that when it comes to someone else and there choices...all you can do is try..and it sounds like you did
Dont take ownership of a blame that is not yours...it helps nobody and hurts everyone
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I see what you mean here, just gotta have to teach myself that it's not my all my fault and to try not to be so sad about it.
Just wish there were more furries were I live.
Anyways, thanks a lot--I'm really grateful.
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Of course. ;)
And you can alwase pm me if you need someone to talk to
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Its not your fault your mate is addicted to every drug out there, and it is not your job to help him. That is something you decided to do.
We are our own source of misery, he made his own hell. If people wanted to help him they cant unless he wants to help himself first, he has to want to change or else what ever you do to change him will be easily be undone.
Also you will get blamed for not doing enough, or you were doing it wrong or something its always something.
If he wants to be drugged out to the point that they cant see strait, let him. Thats his choice,not yours. No point in worrying your self over some one who doesnt want to change. I would think they would change fur you at lease, but cause they didnt even bother and on top of that yelled at you showed that they didnt really cared that much anyway (i could be wrong)
dont be sad though, its not your problem to deal with. You have your own problems im sure. Im sorry if what i said sounds cold but thats how i look at things =/ i could be wrong
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My boyfriend, who is a non fur, does a few drugs but he says he's not addicted. Since We're in a long distance relationship, I can't really stop him. He did drink a lot and I finally told him and he did change that. He knows I don't like it when he does coke but he says he only does it during holidays and special occasions.
But it's not your fault that he'd addicted to every drug. He should have seen that you tried to help. He shouldn't be blaming you for trying to help at all. It's wrong... But since you two aren't together anymore, I'd probably let it go and heal yourself and get over it. If you two are thinking about getting back together then I think you two have some serious talking to do before you two get together again. I don't know what is going on, on your side. I'm just speaking my mind in a female point of view. I hope you feel better darling.
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I've been in this situation, and I know how much it sucks. The only things that helped were two realizations:
One, that you cannot be personally responsible for the actions of another. Ultimately, what they do is their choice, and there's rarely anything you can do about it. What your mate did/does is not your fault and you should not blame yourself.
Two, you are not obligated to try to help other people, as awful as that sounds. That you tried may not sound like enough to you, but it's a lot more than what other people would have done. Many would have dropped them like a hot iron and not even tried to help them with their issues- that you did speaks wonders about you as a person.
PM me if you need to talk c:
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I'm very sorry to hear you had to go through this. The horrible truth is this. It's no ones fault but their own. You didn't sell them the drugs and nor did you force them to take them. That was their doing and their choice. You can't hold yourself responsible for others actions. They wont drop the addiction if they don't want to. Honestly I'm sure you did your best to help and that's all you can do. You need to stop beating yourself up over this and start moving forward. Please remember that your mate's actions are not your's to control. They made a choice and wanted someone to blame.
Please PM me if you need someone to talk to. I understand what its like to have someone you care about become an addict. My uncle used to be my best friend until he became a drugy. I did my best to find him help but he didn't want it. He always has an excuse.
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It isn't about the message.It is how you deliver it. I'm not sure how you said it or how your mate was. If you'd pm/post details I'd gladly help. If I were you I'd not take it into my own hands, but I wouldn't turn them over to the police. I'd suggest treatment, such as a recovery hospital
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drugs ruin everytthing :(
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dont blame your self for your mates addiction and dont let other people saying its your fault its not. your mate chose to do drugs, if they contuie to bug you then tell them to stop because your not the one that cause the addiction,