The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: Nrein on April 08, 2011, 03:40:54 PM
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So, yesterday I spent the afternoon with my good friend Harley off in Saratoga. We were having a great time, but they once we were getting a bite to eat, he started talking about how he’s come over his thing about not liking gay/bi people, and about how he wouldn’t care if a few of our friends or myself told him that we were gay/bi. Then afterword for the next twenty minutes, he’d keep using me as an example. Once we started the long, long care trip home, he finally brought up that himself and the group of my friends had noticed that I was talking a lot with Buddy (my current mate), and my one friend Cossey even took a picture of a conversation I had with him and showed it to them.
So, pretty much, for the last two months they had all been wondering if I was gay. The entire group, except for Harley, was actually plotting a way to confront me all at once and practically interrogate me about it. Harley told them however, that would’ve been a bad idea, and that doing this would make them lose a friend. Yeah, if they all would’ve come barging in my door to do that, I would’ve beat them like crazy.
Now, I told Harley everything, about me being pansexual, dating Buddy and being a furry, and now we’re even closer friends. He said he won’t tell the others what he found out, because he feels that if they don’t have the sack to ask me themselves, then they shouldn’t know. But here’s my problem; do I let them go through with their plan, and make them feel like crap, or do I get Harley to stop them from doing it? He says they probably won’t do it if he doesn’t, but I feel like I should do something if they’re going to be plotting against me in such ways for this amount of time. I’m half tempted to confront each of them and just make them feel like douches, but I’m not exactly sure. Any advice?
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I say let them come if they want. Remain calm and tell them what you told Harley. Its important not to get angry with them though, because its easier to listen to someone who's speaking calmly than one who's screaming at the top of their lungs about something.
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I think you should contact them all ahead of time, let them know you know they suspect, then call them together so you can explain like you did with Harley. And, like Macid said, one of the most important things is to not be angry/confrontational about it; I know from experience that a confrontational attitude in these matters can make a situation go really bad really fast.
Good luck.
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And another different advice to confuse you further!
Do whatever you feel most comfortable with. Talk one-on-one or gather the group. Maybe having Harley with you might help as support because he's already someone that has understood and accepted the truth. Which makes it easier for more to follow.
But remain calm, like the two above say.
Good luck, I hope you won't need it.
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Thanks you guys for your advice so far! I really appreciate it =3.
So, just a little update; they really don't know how to actually ask me. I sat them all down, and told them that if they have anything they need to ask me or talk to me about, it would be the perfect time to. And, well, they claimed there was nothing they needed. Though one of them made the notion to the others that they should, but my other friend Tyler shook his head.
I think come Monday I'll get another chance to talk to them and let them know what's going on, but who knows. Right now, they don't even seem deserving of knowing anything,
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:S Best thing I can suggest is to just stick to your values. Cuz they're your friends and they're just caught in a weird position where they're uncertain as to how things will play out if they ask you up front. But I'm just a female, so I couldn't even begin to imagine what goes on between guys, but I think its kinda cute as to how much energy your friends are willing to spend all in order to ask you a simple question. But if I was a guy in this situation I'd make them feel like douches just for not being honest with me and for pussy footing around me like a bunch of pansies just out of principle alone, but that's just me. Good luck on Monday.
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Wow =O. That's how I've been viewing this situation so far x3.
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Well, they've decided to start playing stupid, though they keep slipping under the radar statements, trying to get me to say it. They've really lost respect from me, and I've just decided that regardless of what I chose to do, I'm not going to tell them, until I'lve realized they've matured enough to actually hear and understand it.
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Sorry to hear about that. One of the worst things one can experience is friends turning on you like that. Hopefully they'll pull their heads out soon, and if not, at least you still have Harley.
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T_T Your friends are really acting like douches, totally uncool. Sorry to hear the sad news, they apparently like to make things more difficult. From the way it sounds, it's like they need you to establish proof of your manliness in front of them by retrieving a phone number or make a date with a really hot chick in order to get them straight. Cuz if words won't reach them maybe action will. It truely is a silly situation, and I hope they pull their heads out of their rears and cut the bs.
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It really doesn't seem like your friends are being very considerate of your feelings Nic (except for Harley of course). Personally I think if they were really your friends they would respect your values and be cool with it. If they don't even have the balls to ask you then that's even worse; they're afraid of the truth and they want you to be what THEY want. Just remember to (like Drago said) hold true to your values because a person's sexual orientation shouldn't be the decider of ANY friendship.
But hey then again, that's just my opinion.