The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: Kaprika on March 28, 2011, 10:37:42 AM
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ugh, this has me so flustered..
i have a friend that ive known for 4 years now..and he is one of my most understanding, intelligent and broad thinking friend i have..but he is being so assanine with my furryness...
i posted a video from TLC's "strange addictions" the vid about the fursuiter..and how they depicted her as being mentaly ill, and NEVER taking the suit off..when in reality they were focusing on only that when she really just enjoyed fursuiting casualy.
and his responses were as follows
An open letter to the furry community:
You guys are weird to the rest of us. Stop getting so surprised when we get weirded out by the furry culture.
Love, Todd
ME:
..u can stop that now...>>
Todd:
What, so I'm not allowed to voice my opinion if it dissents from yours?
ME:
no, its just youve already told me your opinion of furries..when you keep telling me you think were weird i kinda consider that being a lil bit of a passive agressive ass
Todd:
Nothing passive aggressive about it. Or asslike about it. I don't understand why the furry community gets so hostile when someone points out that the rest of the world thinks that this is a weird thing to do.
ME:
the part that annoys us is that people base there hate of FALSE steryotypes..thats like me saying i dont like black people cause there all gangsters that will try to shoot me...it would be stupid
Todd:
Is it rude to point out that most people genuinely are weirded out by the furry movement? Or that it's strange when said furry movement gets hostile about that fact? This conversation is actually a good example of that ^_^
ME:
no..its just were kinda testy about it cause SO many people give us shit about bein furries..so when yet another person comes by insisting they have they share there opinion of us we feel that there just like everyone else hatin on us.
TODD:
So, someone says that they think this is weird and you automatically make assumptions about them? Isn't that exactly what you don't like happening to you?
ME:
omg you keep saying that. but your really just redirecting the conversation. i post something furry, you post "i think this is weird!" i say stop. you say why? i say cause it hurts my feeling you say "its just my opinion..WHAT..I CANT HAVE AN OPINION! now its YOU who is being opressive"..
Todd:
don't worry. You won't have to bother with me posting about furries on your page ever again. It always ends up the same: You post something, I voice an opinion, and omg I just don't understand I must be a hater. Frankly, it's assinine and not worth the trouble. For one who claims to hate intolerance to your point of view, you sure show a lot of it towards mine.
ME:
thats so unfair..YOUR the one who made the comment in the first place, you keep telling me you think furries are weird every chance you get and whenever i say i dont like that cause DUH it hurts my feelings you tell me im apparently hypocritical for HAVING FEELINGS
and telling you to stop. WHT!?
so this keeps happening and im getting so tired of him pullig that crap on me. he tries to use reverse logic on me to make ME feel bad that HE is the one flaming my facebook..it doesnt matter if he is being passive agressive about it..its still rude!
how do i DEAL with him???
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Drop him.
That's what I did to my furry-agressive "friends"
Really, friends are there to make things better and support you.
If they're not doing that, then what's the point?
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get him banned for flaming >:3
but seriously, this guy must be mentally ill if he doesnt understand that furries are generally not aggressive *im an exception* and that most stereotypes are FALSE!
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eh..its hard to consider dropping him, he has been a VERY close friend for years..and i dont care if he isnt a fur, i just wish he didnt have to so often EXPRESS he thinks "furries are freaking WEIRD"
v.v....but every time i try to tell him it hurts my feelings he goes on about how were all hypocrites for getting upset with people that dont like us saying "your doing what your accuseing US of"
i have a right to be furry..why should i have to be obligated to accept ignorant assholes...
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He didn't do anything wrong. If you're so sensitive about your hobbies, maybe they're not the hobbies for you?
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He didn't do anything wrong. If you're so sensitive about your hobbies, maybe they're not the hobbies for you?
Agreed.
Feelings are feelings.
They are not right nor are they wrong.
Same goes for opinions.
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i dont care if he has a different opinion from me...but when he goes out of his way to keep telling me "i think furries are weird!" every chance he gets thats hurtful to me
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IMO, if he was a true friend, he would have stopped the first time you told him it hurts your feelings. I'm surprised he didn't seem to get the example you used about black people. As a black man myself, I thought that example was entirely fair. As for what you should do, I think you should take a good look at how much this particular behavior hurts you and weigh that against whatever positives this person brings to your life. Then make your decision.
@ Jasper: So you think it's perfectly acceptable for him to keep doing something that Kaprika has told him, repeatedly, hurts her feelings?
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@ Jasper: So you think it's perfectly acceptable for him to keep doing something that Kaprika has told him, repeatedly, hurts her feelings?
I think it's perfectly acceptable not to mince words just because someone is oversensitive. As much as it is a problem of not stopping when asked, it's also a problem of thin skin.
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@ Jasper: So you think it's perfectly acceptable for him to keep doing something that Kaprika has told him, repeatedly, hurts her feelings?
I think it's perfectly acceptable not to mince words just because someone is oversensitive. As much as it is a problem of not stopping when asked, it's also a problem of thin skin.
i wouldnt call it oversensitive when he keeps bringing it up, and i keep telling him to stop. and when i DO ask him to stop he then redirects the person "at fault" to being me and makes it all about how IM wrong and not him..this is the fourth time he did it.
then after we talked about it he posted on his wall
are you estranged by the "normal"
do you adopt a animal persona?
are you part of a community of people who think there animals?
and then posted insulting images making fun of me
i dont know about you..but i call that being a douche
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To be honest, that guy's not even one of the worse Anti-Furries. But I do find it sad that furries are not allowed to defend themselves in these situations.
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@ Jasper: So you think it's perfectly acceptable for him to keep doing something that Kaprika has told him, repeatedly, hurts her feelings?
I think it's perfectly acceptable not to mince words just because someone is oversensitive. As much as it is a problem of not stopping when asked, it's also a problem of thin skin.
Perhaps, but I don't feel those two things are equal in importance. If a friend asks you to stop something because it hurts their feelings, then you stop. To me at least, the person who doesn't stop is far worse than the person who has a thin skin.
And by no means do I think you have a thin skin Kaprika. This shit would piss me off too. Hell, it pisses me off now and it's not even happening to me!
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@ Jasper: So you think it's perfectly acceptable for him to keep doing something that Kaprika has told him, repeatedly, hurts her feelings?
I think it's perfectly acceptable not to mince words just because someone is oversensitive. As much as it is a problem of not stopping when asked, it's also a problem of thin skin.
Perhaps, but I don't feel those two things are equal in importance. If a friend asks you to stop something because it hurts their feelings, then you stop. To me at least, the person who doesn't stop is far worse than the person who has a thin skin.
And by no means do I think you have a thin skin Kaprika. This shit would piss me off too. Hell, it pisses me off now and it's not even happening to me!
totally agree >:(
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I think it's fine that he voiced his opinion, friends can't agree upon everything but if he continues bringing it up after you've told him to stop I think he should respect your feelings and keep his opinions to himself. Opinion noted, you can move on.
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I have two differing views on this....
first, I agree that one has thin skin to always get irritated and like 'omg quit hating on furs you hypocrit' when someone attacks them. if this is your friend, then don't you feel obligated to stop whining and do something about it? did you show him examples of normal furs? did you give him solid facts about why furs are not weird? first off, since when is being weird so bad anyway? second off, he clearly doesn't know jack about real furs and he's confused, so he's using only what he's seen in the media to form his opinion. you've got to fight back just as powerfully to show him what real furs are as the media fights to portray us as bad.
personally, i don't do this myself. why? because I don't get hurt by it. I'm proud of being furry, it doesn't hurt me at all when people joke....because they're just joking! take my friend for example, he's a total gay and I make fun of him all the time, not to be mean, but because it's funny! and what does he do? he doesn't get hurt and complain about my 'intolerance to gays.' he knows damn well I love gays, lesbians, all of em. if I didn't I wouldn't be pansexual. so he gets me back and makes fun of me being pan! we appreciate that we don't take every little thing so seriously and have a jolly ol time.
HOWEVER, I look at the situtation here you've shown me and it's different. Sure thin skin may be to blame but that's no excuse for a friend continuing to hurt your feelings if you tell him to stop. If my friend ever said 'hey stop it it's not funny anymore you hurt my feelings' then I would stop. Because it's the right thing to do in a friendship. You need to tell him, as a friend that his actions really hurt your feelings, and that your hurt has nothing to do with furry, but with friendship. If he doesn't stop, he's worthless as a friend.
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Trolls: Don't feed them.
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I have two differing views on this....
first, I agree that one has thin skin to always get irritated and like 'omg quit hating on furs you hypocrit' when someone attacks them. if this is your friend, then don't you feel obligated to stop whining and do something about it? did you show him examples of normal furs? did you give him solid facts about why furs are not weird? first off, since when is being weird so bad anyway? second off, he clearly doesn't know jack about real furs and he's confused, so he's using only what he's seen in the media to form his opinion. you've got to fight back just as powerfully to show him what real furs are as the media fights to portray us as bad.
personally, i don't do this myself. why? because I don't get hurt by it. I'm proud of being furry, it doesn't hurt me at all when people joke....because they're just joking! take my friend for example, he's a total gay and I make fun of him all the time, not to be mean, but because it's funny! and what does he do? he doesn't get hurt and complain about my 'intolerance to gays.' he knows damn well I love gays, lesbians, all of em. if I didn't I wouldn't be pansexual. so he gets me back and makes fun of me being pan! we appreciate that we don't take every little thing so seriously and have a jolly ol time.
HOWEVER, I look at the situtation here you've shown me and it's different. Sure thin skin may be to blame but that's no excuse for a friend continuing to hurt your feelings if you tell him to stop. If my friend ever said 'hey stop it it's not funny anymore you hurt my feelings' then I would stop. Because it's the right thing to do in a friendship. You need to tell him, as a friend that his actions really hurt your feelings, and that your hurt has nothing to do with furry, but with friendship. If he doesn't stop, he's worthless as a friend.
eh...we actualy just the day before had like a 2 hour conversation about this..i spent it telling him all the steryotypes...where there wrong, where there are special occations and what we really are all about..and he says he knows all this and still thinks were weird ass people. since my mission isnt to "convert" his opinion though i just moved the conversation along hoping it wouldnt pop up again..but apparently he doesnt want to let it go.
his unwaivering opinion had alot of base off a freind of his that apparently "went furry" cause her dad died. he claimed when he died she litteraly said "**censor** this, im gonna be a furry"
which isnt how it happens...and i SERIOUSLY doubt that was the case...its not like choosing your wardrobe for the day you dont ust DECLARE it out of nowhere..if anything thats not how it was worded and it may have been a descision she made tottaly unrelated to her fathers pasing...AND thats something she may have been considering for a while now...and its a lame excuse as for why he doesnt like furries..
Post Merge: March 29, 2011, 03:31:39 PM
Trolls: Don't feed them.
yeah...but its harder when its your "friend"
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Well for some people, their beliefs become a security blanket. So when something comes along to take that security away, they resist it with everything they have because they feel threatened. I try to keep as open a mind as humanly possible, and I've still found myself in that position a couple of times. Most notably when considering the death penalty. Granted, I ended up maintaining my original view, but that's more because the argument that I was hearing against it wasn't convincing enough.
To me, saying we furries are weird because we're furry is like black people are weird because they're black (I say this as a black man myself). I know I didn't make a conscious choice to be furry. I just realized one day that I was.
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Unfortunatly, this is the reason I've stayed an underground furry. :/
To much s*** to put up with when going public. Especially in High School
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Okay, well I've read through the conversations myself and It looks like he is just trying to bait you about it to get a response. as WZ said, don't feed them. Yeah sure he might be bringing it up all the time but just ignore him and if he confronts you directly about it then there's two things. He's pathetic for resorting to that in the first place, and if he goes to that length just to annoy you and try to argue, then regardless of how long you've known him, drop it like it's hot. Or just say 'whatever mate' and just be nonchalant about the situation.
Thin Skin may be a part of it. but that's not your fault, there are a lot of people who feel strongly about furry or other cultures. and they would've done just the same, if not for my experience of dealing with trolls I would've done the same as you.
Oh and if he still persists, then he probably thinks he has unbeatable logic, so one easy thing to do is just crush his pride, turn the argument back on him using the same twisted logic as him. and THEN when he's on the back foot can you pelt him with truths about the fandom. Only speak good things if you wish to best him. and make sure you can back it up in triplicate. then what I would do from there is end on a comment about how pathetic he is for doing all this in the first place, and that if this is his form of entertainment it is really sad and he should probably do something productive and stop being a waste of space...but that's just me.