The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: Ares the Ram on December 22, 2010, 11:12:21 PM
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Im a loner. I want to be alone, yet I want people with me as well. I can't accept help from anyone or I feel like a failure. I want someone to share my life with, but I can't love because I don't want to hurt anyone, and yet my isolationism hurts people anyway. I feel like I have to earn everything I get, but even if I earn someone's help or a gift, I won't accept it. I have contradictory beliefs that cause me to have horrible visions, daydreams if you will, about things that I would do if I snapped. I can't see a professional because I think I know how they work, even though I know I don't. I've been bottling up my emotions for years now. I just want to let them out. Take a sledgehammer to a wall and destroy it. but I cant. I cant show weakness because I have to make it on my own. Being a grown up sucks. Thanks for listening.
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Mm dunno what to say really, it's a very though situation and I can't really say I can relate to it much.
But being one that has had quite a few... obstacles, I can however relate to having problems not easily solved.
Why is it that you can never accept that you deserve something? To take one thing at the time. Why do you feel like you don't deserve anything and that you're a failure? Is it a constant reminder from people around you? Is it trauma?
If you think you have the answer, then try to use your logic and trust that you can be objective. Are you right in your assumptions? Is it fair to yourself?
You're a smart person, you get the picture.
If you want to talk in private, don't hesitate to give me a roar.
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My parents always pushed me to do better. better grades, better lifestyle, better everything. nothing was good enough. I think its because i grew up with the frame of mind that I always had to do better that its become part of me. You just helped me find the source of my problems! Oh my god I could kiss you right now! :D I honestly could not see that. I am good enough. YEah! Thank you so much! Im going to have a talk with my parents when they get home. >:3 *skips away happily*
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I can't remember which philosopher believes that people are born blank slates, ready to be imprinted with everything they experience and think, and I frankly can't be bothered to even google it. But I think I agree with the theory a lot.
And I actually do know how it is to never aspire to expectations, even though my outcome was a "little" different and involved 10 pages of psychological results.
Nevertheless! Speaking with your parents is a good way to vent it and have a more open way of communication. Might be a great and good step in the right direction. Bare in mind though that it might backfire as parents tend to believe that they are always right and be more stubborn than their own child. I don't mean to bring you down at all! Just bare it in mind.
Most of all, stay calm. Always. And rational. Best way to "handle parents".
Post Merge: December 23, 2010, 12:16:21 AM
Oh, and happy holidays.
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Well it seems that your problems are dealt with so I won't respond to that entirely. Just your comment about 'being a grown up sucks', honestly age is a frame of mind. Sure as you live longer on this earth you will take on more and more responsibilities but those can all be easily mitigated by a youthful mindset.
~Get older, But never grow up.
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3 important rules to follow. Relax, don't worry, be happy. Makes virtually everything easier B)
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hey macid usealy its good to just talk about it most of the time thats all you real need. every now and then every one gets like that this is more common n men then woman and just talking about it can help alot if u ever need to talk about it your furry friend is here for u as iam sure its the same with the other furrys
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I agree with Icy!! Never good to bottle things up :)..
Am also always here for you my furry friend :)
Xox
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hey dude, i really don't know much about that kind of stuff. also, i suck at explanations, but i'm sure of two things.
first of all, why wouldn't you take a day to take a walk somewhere far from civilisation and site yourself somewhere. Then look at the clouds all day long. i do this some hard times in my life. it helps me thinking about everything, seeing things clearly, think positive. Maybe it can help you too.
the other thing is, when i was kiddo (wow... i talk like i would have 55... ) i didn't want to grow up, i even cried a couple of times about it, but then again, life is so good, so sweet and too short to not enjoy it while i still can. Maybe you can think 'bout this one. My dad use to say;
Let the pass the the bones, the future to dreamers and give the present a hug
well... its not quite like that, but you get the idea =D
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Ah Macid.
First I can tell you that I do know where your coming from on those daydreams and nightmares.
When my first son was born, the only bad dream I had was me dropping him and his head exploding into fireworks and confetti.
It was an awkward dream, but I never thought anything of it, and didnt have a bad dream until my daughter was born.
She was only a couple of months old, still nursing (yes im an advocate for breast feeding, sorry if it grosses any of you out, but ive heard all the insults so just gtfo)... and I happened to put her down one night and just stare at her and had that moment of thinking, what if she... <insert horrible thing here>.
I went to bed, and had the most horrible nightmare possible for any parent.
All in all, a man broke into the house, shot my husband, shot my two boys, and proceeding to brutalize myself and my infant daughter.
I woke my husband up, thrashing, screaming and crying in the bed next to him, and have had this reoccurring nightmare, for years now since my daughter is now 2 years old.
With that, I also have acquired several other dreams that ive dubbed "apocalyptic family nightmares", since they all end with horrible things done to mostly my children.
I was diagnosed this year (2010 if you dont read it soon enough lol), as being a severe manic depressive. Which means, i am bipolar, but I can have more "down time" than "up time", than a normal bipolar person.
I can tell you a few things that might end up making you feel better, or worse, depending on what your stand point is in all of this.
1. The feelings of being inadequate and not wanting to love because you feel like you will hurt them or yourself, these feelings will pass. Ive been there and done that after some horrible experiences, and have realized that, if I want to feel good and do things to make my body and those endorphines rise up, then I am going to do it.
With that attitude, i found the man ive been with for over 6 years.
He was attractive, available, and I wanted him. The relationship just lasted longer and grew into something a whole lot more than what it was in the beginning.
2. Those nightmares and dreams... have you ever tried lucid dreaming? Its where you can change the outcome and the situation in your dream. Ive tried it and its helped. Instead of watching the man shoot me and my family, I end up having tremendous amounts of psychic powers and turn the bullets on the bad guys... so much so I wake my husband up cackling like a maniac lol.
If you talk to someone about these dreams, someone that can help you with them, you will be able to push them away, never think about them again and youll be able to do what you want in your day and night dreams.
3. As for the psychologist/counselor angle. They do help. I grew up with a father that was a diagnosed Multiple Personality Disorder / Dissociative Identity Disorder crazy person, with Post traumatic stress disorder (or mpd, did and ptsd). Those combinations of mental illness wreaked havoc on my family as a child. What my father did to me and my siblings, our heads, not our bodies, has screwed two of us almost into oblivion to where one of us cannot function in normal society, and the other, she resides behind this keyboard. I have gotten help with a lot of the problems ive faced in my life through a counselor, and if you find the RIGHT one, one you can trust and feel comfortable talking with, then you will get help whether you believe it or not.
Whether its talking to someone that has NO interest in your personal life (such as a friend or family member might look at things different or say the wrong things), then you get help from that third party that has had training to help people in your predicament.
And I dont only talk about just the stuff about ME.. I get help with my children, how to deal with my family members (such as my SIL and MIL and the stuff they pull), including my controlling mother who thinks that everything has to go her way, on her schedule ONLY.
They do help in the long run. Im here, happy and not having nightmares that put me into what I call my "psycho mode" anymore, and im actually a better mother for it all.
4. As for you thinking you dont deserve a lot of things for you.. dont worry I suffer that as well. Especially around the holidays. I always put off opening my gifts out of sight of everyone else, and by myself, because.. my children should come first and I dont deserve anything unless they get something.
But I just grit my teeth together and bear it until its over, and push the gifts into the corner until I actually need them.
Just understand that when you can finally say "i am good enough for this $5 book, everyone else can kiss my ***".. then you know that youve reached a point where you feel better about yourself, because you DO deserve something that YOU want every once in a while. Thats why a lot of the parenting magazines that I used to get in the mail read:
Always put yourself first before anything else, including housework and husband, when you get up in the morning. Everything is not always about the children.. its about YOU to!
But.. good luck overall, hoped what I said made some sense and helped you somewhat during the holidays.
Have a good one dude, see you on IRC sometime.
Happy Christmas and Merry New Years!
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Thank you everyone. I love you guys/girls. *hugs everyone* you all really helped alot.
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always here for yeh macid :3
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hey macid felling better now?
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hey, no time for thanking me, just go enjoy your party ^^
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Christmas spirit, eh?
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yooooooooooou know it! ^^
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*wink wink*
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update: I want someone to kill me so I dont have to be a zombie anymore. (point out the irony and Ill hate you) I can survive on my own just fine, infact, thats how I want to live. But I want to have someone to share my life with, a girlfriend who cares about me and vice versa. I cant have that thanks to the teachings of my parents.
I really wish I could stop being a perfectionist. I really wish I could. I wish It didnt matter if I messed up. If I dont keep trying to be perfect, I lose everything. I have to keep going or I die. Its programmed into me, do you understand!? I NEED to be perfect! I want to cry right now. I want to break down and cry like theres no tomorrow, but I have to be strong, and for who? Who am I supporting that needs so much strength? I dont have anyone else. theres no-one else to share my burden and even if there was, I wouldnt let them because I gotta carry my own weight. I cant accept help no matter what. I wish it didnt ******* matter!
Its like being trapped in a cage with a lion that mauls you every time something happens. you could open the door with the key, but it would attack everyone else too so you cant. Its so ******* horrible!
I cant talk to someone. I cant let it out. nothing can compare to physically letting it out by screaming and ranting about it. I cant to that because thats perfect, I cant remember why. thats too ******* perfect! I cant remember how to talk about my problems. oh wait! thats because guess what? Im not supposed to talk about my problems because my dad said "dont say youre sorry, just dont do it again." You may have raised me so I can survive and live in the world, but godammit im a ******* monster now! nice, now Im having suicidal thoughts, thats great. know what the worst part is? Ill forget all this tomorrow. Ill be fine tomorrow. Angry <<<times a million
Why do I have to be the one who wants to suffer!?
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hey, why don't you add some of us(if the others ones) to talk a bit? IF you want to talk with me, say it so, i'll pm my msn but, go easy with words, i'm still learning ;)
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Oh dear, Macid, I'm so sorry to read this... I reallty wish I could be more of a help to you.
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update: I want someone to kill me so I dont have to be a zombie anymore. (point out the irony and Ill hate you) I can survive on my own just fine, infact, thats how I want to live. But I want to have someone to share my life with, a girlfriend who cares about me and vice versa. I cant have that thanks to the teachings of my parents.
I really wish I could stop being a perfectionist. I really wish I could. I wish It didnt matter if I messed up. If I dont keep trying to be perfect, I lose everything. I have to keep going or I die. Its programmed into me, do you understand!? I NEED to be perfect! I want to cry right now. I want to break down and cry like theres no tomorrow, but I have to be strong, and for who? Who am I supporting that needs so much strength? I dont have anyone else. theres no-one else to share my burden and even if there was, I wouldnt let them because I gotta carry my own weight. I cant accept help no matter what. I wish it didnt ******* matter!
Its like being trapped in a cage with a lion that mauls you every time something happens. you could open the door with the key, but it would attack everyone else too so you cant. Its so ******* horrible!
I cant talk to someone. I cant let it out. nothing can compare to physically letting it out by screaming and ranting about it. I cant to that because thats perfect, I cant remember why. thats too ******* perfect! I cant remember how to talk about my problems. oh wait! thats because guess what? Im not supposed to talk about my problems because my dad said "dont say youre sorry, just dont do it again." You may have raised me so I can survive and live in the world, but godammit im a ******* monster now! nice, now Im having suicidal thoughts, thats great. know what the worst part is? Ill forget all this tomorrow. Ill be fine tomorrow. Angry <<<times a million
Why do I have to be the one who wants to suffer!?
hey macid
1) dont worry about finding a girl friend iam sure you will find one that likes your for who you are. ( i dont have a girl friend eather so your not alone there )
2) how you are felling right now is conman during the winter session when there is less sunlight try to get a sun lamp or take vitamin D supplements these can help make you fell better
3) i know how this fells when **** hits the fan you need something to cover your self with. those fellings might not last to long
4) try to clear your mind or take a walk out side this may help you fell better
5) if u need any qoutes that can help you clear your mind pm me and ill share them with you ( these usually help )
your furry friend
Icy wolf
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guess what time it is? update time!
I got closure on my cat being taken away from me so thats good.
My parents response to my yelling at them about my problems was that they raised me good enough that I can live on my own. By that reasoning, I dont need them anymore, and thus, do not care about them any more ^_^
The only problem that leaves me with is a girlfriend. This ones harder because I dont believe in second chances for true love. I dont want to hurt anyone with "fleeting love"
It pretty much boils down to I believe deep down that I have to meet the right girl the first time.
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dang macid. thts to perfect bro. yea gotta let tht one go cause meeting the perfect one on your first go is nearly impossible :/ It could happen but its likely it wont. im not saying your a bad guy, thts jus how life is with a prossesing mind and all. But yea gotta cheer up over all. if you dont, you will only become angrier and start literally living a hell no one would want.
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Im already there Buddy. Its not fun, I barely laugh anymore. Id like to let it go Buddy, but its so lonely. The only way im going to make progress is to let it out, and by that I mean take an axe to something and tear it to shreds. Anyone know where I can buy an axe?
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macid try pant ball its a good was to fell better.... about finding the right girl iven been single for 5 yrs and no mate and iam fine i belive that ever one will find the right mate one day