The Furry Forums
Furry Chat => Rants and Advice => Topic started by: Ares the Ram on November 14, 2010, 04:43:54 AM
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I called my mom today cause she worries about me, and I mention Im getting a collar. She asks if its for my neck. I say yes. She then says the following, "Oh you're not gonna wear that in public?" At the time I was in too good of a mood to let it get to me, but now that it's sunk in, it really hurts. She was supposed to be understanding about my life choice. But I guess this was one step too far. I want to explode at her, to yell at her about how being a "misfit" feels, how her words made me feel, but I cant let my anger out. The worst part? I thought I had someone to talk to in real life. Thanks for listening. end rant
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she's only worrying for the best for you.
Maybe she thinks she knows what's best for you, but you shouldn't let her judge your choices in life.
She just needs to learn to acclimate to the things you do, for better, for worse.
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Eh, from what you said, it sounds like she just thinks it's a little odd. She could have had a much worse reaction. It's not like she yelled at you and forbid you to wear it.
My mother pretty much reacted the same way when she saw me wearing a collar, but I didn't care. I told her it was just like wearing a necklace and she was like "Why can't you wear a regular necklace?" And I just said I liked my collar better. You can't always expect your parents' tastes to line up with yours.
It's one thing if she tries to force you to dress a certain way, or publicly talks down about you because of the way you want to dress, but... Making a bigger deal out of it than it is only makes you feel worse.
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I'm with the other two on this one its really nothing its not like she can stop you from wearing it and for your anger *puts on marching snare harness and marching snare drum. Then extends sticks to Macid to let him hit the drum a few times*
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I appreciate the help everyone, but the way she said it made me feel like she was dissapointed. I can read body language and the way people talk really good. wether she means well or not, it still hurts alot.
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you don't have to judge yourself on your mother's opinions Macid, as I've always said, what matters is that you are secure with yourself and you like yourself.
Don't let it hurt you too much, you are your own person macid my friend, and remember you always have us :3
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My father rolls his eyes and makes jokes when my boyfriend or I wear our collars, but that's just his way. He doesn't understand it and thinks people wearing collars is weird, and I don't hate him for it or get angry or hurt by it (and believe me, I'm easily upset). I just joke back at him and let his comments roll off my back. He knows I love animals so it should be no surprise to him to see me wearing a collar.
There was also one time where my mom and I were at Wal*Mart and I saw a cute collar and said I should buy it. My mom asked why and I said "To wear" and she said no because she doesn't really like me wearing a collar either. I don't let it bother me though and she never makes comments when I'm wearing mine even though I know she doesn't like it.
Best thing to do is let it roll off your back. From how I see it, she didn't say it to hurt your feelings, she just thinks wearing a collar is weird.
As Zeph said, parents' tastes don't always line up with their kids. It's a different generation. People from different generations have trouble understanding each others' tastes.
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It's not just a generations thing, it's also a social thing... Parents don't understand a lot of the things many of us do because it wasn't something they needed to deal with when they was kids... Many of the styles today wasn't around back when they was kids so they don't know how to think of it... So they tend to go the way of the social norm... I personally don't wear a collar (while in public anyway), but i have heard what other people (of many generations) say about people who do... People abide by the social norm and anything outside of that they label as "weird".. It just seems to get to us harder when it's people we know and trust say the same things... To me it sounds like that's what your mom is doing... It also seems like she was thinking your life choice in the matter was "just a phase" and didn't expect it to get this far and is having trouble accepting that it's more than that...
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It's not just a generations thing, it's also a social thing... Parents don't understand a lot of the things many of us do because it wasn't something they needed to deal with when they was kids... Many of the styles today wasn't around back when they was kids so they don't know how to think of it... So they tend to go the way of the social norm... I personally don't wear a collar (while in public anyway), but i have heard what other people (of many generations) say about people who do... People abide by the social norm and anything outside of that they label as "weird".. It just seems to get to us harder when it's people we know and trust say the same things... To me it sounds like that's what your mom is doing... It also seems like she was thinking your life choice in the matter was "just a phase" and didn't expect it to get this far and is having trouble accepting that it's more than that...
very much agreed shadowfox
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I called my mom today cause she worries about me, and I mention Im getting a collar. She asks if its for my neck. I say yes. She then says the following, "Oh you're not gonna wear that in public?" At the time I was in too good of a mood to let it get to me, but now that it's sunk in, it really hurts. She was supposed to be understanding about my life choice. But I guess this was one step too far. I want to explode at her, to yell at her about how being a "misfit" feels, how her words made me feel, but I cant let my anger out. The worst part? I thought I had someone to talk to in real life. Thanks for listening. end rant
Well your mother has a right to concern, because collars are generally also related to the BDSM fetish, which for a parent, would be pretty scary to know if your child was into that. at least i assume thats why she's worried. She doesn't want you to be associated with them, because it's kind've sort've taboo in some places.
everyone is saying the parent's dont meet with our wants and or needs, but if you saw your kid walking with a collar, and you've heard some things about BDSM, and that collars are a symbol to said fetish (which they are), dont they have the right to be legitimately concerned?
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I feel ya Macid. My mom called me a freak when she found out I had been wearing collars. She says it embarrasses her even though I'm 100% positive that no one looks at me and says "Shame on his mother!" She kept saying she thought I was going to grow up or something. Of course I responded with a quick I don't care lol. My father doesn't really say anything about it though.
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The way I see it Macid, is that your mom is still in the dark as to why you wear your collar. My advice is to sit her down and talk with her about what it means to you, and how being furry is part of who you are. I'm rooting for ya! *Takes out pennet that says "Macid" and waves it around.*
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The way I see it Macid, is that your mom is still in the dark as to why you wear your collar. My advice is to sit her down and talk with her about what it means to you, and how being furry is part of who you are. I'm rooting for ya! *Takes out pennet that says "Macid" and waves it around.*
That was the conversation before my collar. My mom is not very quick if you get my meaning. Shes just gonna have to deal with it.
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If shes thinking like my mom, she probably thinks that something will happen and you will choke to death from a collar.
Now, if she really thinks like my mom, shes probably gonna hide your collar somewhere and then you get to hunt for it.
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The way I see it Macid, is that your mom is still in the dark as to why you wear your collar. My advice is to sit her down and talk with her about what it means to you, and how being furry is part of who you are. I'm rooting for ya! *Takes out pennet that says "Macid" and waves it around.*
That was the conversation before my collar. My mom is not very quick if you get my meaning. Shes just gonna have to deal with it.
My thoughts exactly. However, it's also a big thing to realize and take in for your mom. Give her some time as well. It'll work out
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Macid, if there's anything I've picked up from making a fool of myself or having parents who hate pretty much everything I say or do, it's that it should never matter what your parents think or say. I know having your own mom think you're weird can hurt but that should never stop you from doing what you want or stop you from being who you are. She is in no place to compare you with the rest of the world and you shouldn't compare youself to anyone else either. You don't need to feel ashamed of yourself because your mom thinks it's weird or bad to do the things you enjoy or take interest in.
Getting this collar represents what you love, dude. There isn't anything you didn't know that your mom didn't know when you got it. You knew you'd be different and perhaps a little strange in other's eyes. That shouldn't hurt. You should feel proud and strong for showing your love for something you like even if others don't understand or look down on it. You took on this challenge the moment you wanted to buy it and you knew it too. Don't prove yourself wrong by getting upset when someone (including your own mother) gives you the WTF look. Wear that collar proud, Macid. I salute you.
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I called my mom today cause she worries about me, and I mention Im getting a collar. She asks if its for my neck. I say yes. She then says the following, "Oh you're not gonna wear that in public?" At the time I was in too good of a mood to let it get to me, but now that it's sunk in, it really hurts. She was supposed to be understanding about my life choice. But I guess this was one step too far. I want to explode at her, to yell at her about how being a "misfit" feels, how her words made me feel, but I cant let my anger out. The worst part? I thought I had someone to talk to in real life. Thanks for listening. end rant
Well, there are things out there that would be considered absurd or weird to you and not her.
The same applies vice versa.
I mean, as long as she is respecting AND accepting your life-choices and decision you shouldn't really pay attention to much on that.
Furry Fandom is a subculture thats hard for most non-furs, especially close-minded ones, to truly understand.