The Furry Forums
Creative Arts and Media => Creative Writing => Topic started by: Mishimi on February 11, 2010, 12:19:57 PM
-
I have gotten back into writing poetry after so many years. Haven't really written much since I was a teenager, other than romantic stuff to my GF. Recentley, I got back into it. My poetry, aside from the lovey dovey stuff I write to my GF, is usually dark poetry or about various subjects. So, I thought I would share some of it with you guys.
Psychopathic Psychology
When the worlds collide and the voices get louder,
the tides of sanity beckon and call on a martyr.
The line between fantasy and reality begin to slip,
invincible in your minds eye you take a psychedelic trip.
Through the souls of others you taste that sweet immortality,
try as they might, no one shall change your morality.
Who’s to say what you attain is right or wrong,
in the end what’s done is done, no need to prolong.
Your head you carry high, intentions well known,
with one swipe of the hand, actions will be sown.
Soon now it seems the spark will subside,
therefore your mission statement you must confide.
Before the lights and sirens appear from the distance,
the blood and bone on the steel will cause your resistance.
With the slightest flicker of your mighty wrist,
only a shadow will remain from within the foggy mist.
Trivial Trials
So much in life already exists to cause concern,
bills to pay, hardships to overcome, and dreams to yearn,
the list goes on and on you come to learn.
What with so much to manage in life as is,
why worry ourselves with petty matters like kids.
Life is to short for such trivial trials,
such thoughts should not travel for miles.
Some love to argue and bicker,
so hard headed they couldn’t be thicker.
Opinions and logic expressed can be fun,
but to dwell and judge means nothing in the long run.
Enjoy life and all that it may bring,
the good, the bad, and all in between.
You never know what life will throw your way,
so drop the trivial nonsense and start a new day.
-
I liked Trivial Trials the most :P, because in some ways I have started that path of life. Also if it was intended or not that seemed to follow Shakespeare's pattern of the Seven Ages of Man. Because of the 7 stanzas, and each covers one part of life. It is well organized, expresses good meanings, and has that allusion to Shakespeare in a way rawr :)
-
There's some nice ideas on subject and things like that, but I dont think you should rhyme because the rhymes that you did were clumsy and basic. Also the rhythm didnt flow in quite a few places.
Conceptually speaking, I think psychopathic could feel more violent. It feels like a detachment from the visceral nature of assault. Maybe that's intentional, if so, then that's cool.
I do like your ideas though, they're certainly more original than the standard.
-
I agree with bunny on the tittle....it's sounds a little violent for that poem........but I kinda of thought that the rhyming was good, because poetry is deffinently about passion but some of them consider some more simple approaches ya know.....anyway i liked it.....maybe in future poems you should try to be a little more passionate about your writting like realy descriptive words ya know.....
-
Thanks for the feedback guys, I appreciate the compliments and the constructive criticism, which I will accept and take into consideration, but honestly, what you read is my style, and I do not think I will change it anytime soon. My rhymes look and sound good to me, and I am quite passionate about my work despite not using to many ultra descriptive words and phrases, but I do appreciate your suggestions/advice regardless. :)
I am by no means trying to become a great poet of our time, just simply sharing my work with whomever wishes to read it, so while I do appreciate any and all criticism, I will probably never change my style or method. With that said however, please do not hesitate to leave feedback of any kind in the future if I decide to post more of my work, as I do read it and appreciate the different views people have.
White Wolf Guardian - I didn't intend for it to resemble anything shakespearian(sp), and honestly, I think you are crazy for even remotely comparing my simple works with such a great poet/writer of our history, but I do appreciate the kind words nonetheless. Thank you kindly... :)
I am working on another piece that will be called "The Human Condition" that I will probably post here in the next few days or whatever. Anyways, thanks again guys, glad you liked my poetry and/or ideas. :D
-
The Human Condition
Through the ages and waves of time,
many people have changed the human kind.
In good ways and in bad,
from one trend to the next fad.
Languages, societies, governments, and religions,
personalities, morals, knowledge and visions.
Everyone has their own logic and views,
reading their books and watching the news,
using the internet and searching for clues.
Some people argue while others relax,
contemplating the world as we all collapse.
From the gravely important to the trivial matters,
when there are words to exchange everyone gathers.
Guided to misguided, level headed to brainwashed,
we are a mixed bag of the intelligent and the lost.
Human nature is that of which we are born,
the human condition always rages the storm.
The winds of judgment, the thunder of ignorance,
the rain of indifference, and the lightning of intolerance.
After the storm, the calming warmth that surrounds us all,
like minded familiars allow us not to fall.
No matter what some may say you cannot deny,
some see the truth while others live a lie.
Our instincts and desires are not to be denied,
no religion or social taboo shall keep them tied.
Sex, drugs, life styles to name just a few,
never lie to yourself and always remain true.
Science, logic, common sense, and thought,
will lead the way to the correct spot.
To have faith in god and morals to obtain,
is all fine and well as long as they do not restrain,
what it means to be human, we must always maintain.
As long as no real harm, insult, or blatant stupidity takes place,
no judgmental concern should plead your case.
Regardless of our individual differences,
we continue on, building then tearing down fences.
That’s the sheer beauty of the human condition,
it’s both good and bad, the ultimate coalition.
Fields of Gray
I sit in my chair thinking of the world today,
the state that it’s in causes so much dismay.
So much hate, intolerance, bickering and conflict,
tied down, beaten and bloodied, and made to submit.
All of these politicians think they know what’s best,
the senate, the congress, the president, what about the rest?
They make us believe we make a difference through votes,
when in all reality they let us down, drowning without boats.
Organized religion and the wars they have started,
all the blood spilled from the brainwashed extremists, retarded!
Rednecks and racists, gangsters and guns,
I run for so long as the fear fills my lungs.
Running to avoid these people who like to play,
tedious and cruel games in these fields of gray.
From the first breaths of birth to the release of death,
all of these screams in between, there is nothing left.