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Creative Arts and Media => Creative Writing => Topic started by: Kindran Ornitier on December 07, 2009, 02:43:27 AM

Title: After It's All Said and Done
Post by: Kindran Ornitier on December 07, 2009, 02:43:27 AM

I can't remember if I posted this one already.... In fact I almost forgot I wrote it haha. Here goes

After It's All Said and Done
After it's all said and done
What is the purpose of what we have?
You can't take it with you
Or so they say
Why kill yourself for material goods
And not go out to play?

After its all said and done
Our deeds, not accomplisments, are number one
When it all goes away
What legacy will stay?
Why waste yourself on trophies
And not enjoy the roses of May?

After it's all said and done
Many things have come and gone
Only through salvation
Of your own religion
May you then rejoin
Those you care for the most

And from then on
In the next life
Enjoy each others company
After it's all said and done

I didn't really plan to have a rhyme scheme it just kinda happened haha. Comments and critique are welcome.

Title: Re: After It's All Said and Done
Post by: Asia Kali Yusufzai on December 08, 2009, 01:06:33 AM

I like it. It stumbled a bit on the longer lines or those that didnt rhyme in a poem that felt like it should. Like it's stuck between rhyming and not rhyming.
but when it works, it really flows and I enjoyed the feeling and the sentiment.

good job.