The Furry Forums would like to place cookies on your computer to help us make this website better. To find out more about the cookies, see our privacy notice.
To accept the cookie click here, or please login or register.

Author Topic: Kind of big situation with a bigger decision  (Read 940 times)

0 Members and 0 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline Jester

  • Vibrating Furby
  • *
  • Posts: 9
  • Gender: Male
  • I'm a country wolf kinda guy.
    • Discord
    • Awards
  • Species: Wolf
  • Coloring: Haven't decided, but red or blue never fail
  • Height: 6ft. 4in.
  • Weight: 225lbs
  • Build: broad shoulders and built well
  • Currently: A little sad :(
Kind of big situation with a bigger decision
« on: December 12, 2019, 12:40:06 AM »
Okay, so this may get a bit long and wordy, but here goes.  I have not told anyone (until now) that I am a furry.  A little off topic for this forum, but it goes together with my much needed advice.  I have also not told anyone that I am Bi.

So, a little back story here, ever since I was really little I always loved wolves.  They were and still are my favorite.  When I turned about 12 I started pretending I was a wolf (in privacy of course).  Then it kind of faded away for a bit going through Jr./Sr. high school, but it was still my always go to answer on favorite animal.  When I was about 17, I started looking at fursonas and all the incredible artwork.  I loved looking at it all and still do, but it wasn't quite in my head that I was a furry.  Thought it may have just been a phase.  It just kept building though, until I was 22 when I finally realized that I might be a furry.  It made me smile, but also made me incredibly nervous.  What are others going to think etc. 

The other side of this (like I said less pertinent to this forum, but I feel that I must throw it in to give whoever gives advice the whole story), I came to the realization that I am Bi.  At age 14 I had a few fantasies that came and gone, but around turning 23, I thought to myself that enough is enough and told myself that I am Bi. 

So, with all of that in mind, here is my situation.  I got married when I was 22 (Before the full realization that I was a furry).  I love my wife so much.  There isn't anything that I wouldn't do for her.  She's beautiful, smart, talented, and so caring.   We are alike in many ways.  We both love trying to learn the guitar, playing some video games, watching movies, hiking, etc.  We have a beautiful daughter together, and want more kids in the future.  As, most of you probably could see the punch line coming from a mile away, I feel a bit dishonest and trapped for not telling her that I am Bi and a furry.  There is 1 big situation, well 2.  1. I need the confidence to tell her.  2. I can't have it going bad for the risk of my daughter.  I feel like she wouldn't do that, but a part of my mind says it's still a possibility and I am scared to take that chance.  The thing is too, I feel like telling her that I am Bi will come across easier that the fact that I love being a furry(even though I am very new at it yet).  I want to start talking to others that share my mindset, and I want to meet people and go to conventions and really enjoy it.  As far is it goes, my wife is the only acceptance I would want.  My family and I haven't been very close.  I don't have many friends that I hang out with a lot, so no real issues there. 

Any advice would be nice, and if this is way to far out there for this forum, I apologize.  Just wanted others opinions on what to do. 

Thank you in advance, and again sorry for the wordiness and long essay.
Jester

Offline Michen_S

  • Melodious Mouse
  • *******
  • awards This user has been a forum member for over 3 years This user has made a suggestion for the forum that was approved and implemented Assigned to someone who is observed to be very friendly toward other members (frequently welcoming people in the Intro board, answering questions, etc.) This user has reported a valid and verified forum bug
  • Posts: 1175
  • Gender: Male
  • A wild MICHEN appeared!
    • Steam
    • Discord
    • DeviantArt
    • Awards
  • Species: Feral snow leopard
  • Coloring: Silvergrey fur, darkgrey rosettes (or spots on the head). White fur on the tip of the tail, the claws and the belly.
  • Height: 58 cm (2' 0"), Lenght: 123 cm (4' 2")
  • Weight: 37 kg (82 lbs)
  • Build: Slim
  • Currently: In pineapple on pizza fights
Re: Kind of big situation with a bigger decision
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2019, 09:45:33 PM »
There's no such thing as "coming out" as a furry. It's just another hobby. Sinply imagine it as being any other thing you're fan of. I haven't heard anyone else go "Okay... This is going to sound really weird... But I'm a Star Trek fan."
There are multiple ways of bringing it  up. One is bringing it up whenever it's relevant. When watching a cartoon with anthropomorphic animals, you can bring it up. When you see someone else in fursuit, or when you see a mascot, bring it up.
Another is just showing that you like furry-related stuff by showing some of what you've recently discovered to her. Show her a drawing you comissioned, bought, requested, maybe even just found whilst searching around randomly. Or a picture of a fursuit, a furry con, whatever have ya.
Either way, be ready to explain what the fandom is. Chances are she has no idea what the furry fandom is.

As for being bi, I honestly think you should talk about that sooner rather than later. Communication is key in relationships. Since you've discovered this somewhat recently, it might be a good idea to describe what you feel like is going on inside your head. If your relationship is in good condition, your wife should be taking the time to listen and understand what you're dealing with. Of course, also listen to how she reacts back.

Also, maybe don't bring up both topics in the same conversation.

Offline Brisky

  • Awkward armour
  • Gregarious Gnu
  • ****
  • awards This user has been a forum member for over 3 years Top 100 Most Online This user has donated to the forum. Assigned to someone who is observed to be very friendly toward other members (frequently welcoming people in the Intro board, answering questions, etc.)
  • Posts: 542
  • Gender: Male
  • Spooky, isn't it?
    • Steam
    • DeviantArt
    • Awards
  • Species: WereTonk
  • Coloring: Black with gold stripes
Re: Kind of big situation with a bigger decision
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2019, 09:57:49 PM »
And remember, as annoying as it is, if you treat it as something you have to be secretive about, others will naturally register that, whether you want it or not, and will be suspicious even if they have no idea what being a furry means.


It's nothing to be scared about. You just particularly like art where animals are depicted with humanoid characteristics!

Offline Jester

  • Vibrating Furby
  • *
  • Posts: 9
  • Gender: Male
  • I'm a country wolf kinda guy.
    • Discord
    • Awards
  • Species: Wolf
  • Coloring: Haven't decided, but red or blue never fail
  • Height: 6ft. 4in.
  • Weight: 225lbs
  • Build: broad shoulders and built well
  • Currently: A little sad :(
Re: Kind of big situation with a bigger decision
« Reply #3 on: December 13, 2019, 01:45:42 AM »
 Thank you both so so so much.  It truely helps!!!  You are both amazing!
Jester

 

Powered by EzPortal