I'm pretty depressed at the moment

[Blaiiine]

So I normally hate venting/asking for advice on the forums and in general but I really just need to right now.


I'm depressed as hell and I know exactly why, it honestly hit me like an hour ago. For a while, I felt like I was just in a bad mood since I really have no obvious reason to be depressed. I have a steady job w/ good standing, a place to live, friends and a good family.


But at work one day, I ran into this girl I dated years back (that I honestly never got over). I was coming back from a smoke break and she happened to be ordering something. We talked and made plans to hang out, I was understandably excited since I hadn't seen her in a year.


Then she comes over. And it all hit me (I just didn't realize atm). She was still sweet and nice, things I liked about her. But I began to realize how much of an asshole I am. I was just constantly sarcastic and being how I thought I just was. I'm a terrible person is the conclusion I ended up coming to tonight.


I'm not suicidal or "I'm gonna be the best person ever!" about it. I just don't want to be depressed and so prickish anymore but it's kind of hard to figure out. I've started anti depressants a few days ago so there's that, I guess.


I don't know. I'm just rambling at this point. My bad.

[Ventus Fall]

If you want to change yourself, that's the first step; you need to want it.
That's actually one of the hardest steps, even if it might not feel like so.

Second step is finding out what you actually have to change to become a different person:
-What don't you like right now about yourself?
-What are active steps you can take to change those things?
This requires realisation and acknowlegdement every time you do the thing you don't like and want to change. It can take quite a while to change, but if you keep note of whenever you do that thing, it'll go much faster than simply ignoring it (whether you realise it or not).

And be consistent once you found out what you can do to be a better person.

I hope this helps.

[BennyJackdaw]

I'm no expert, but you said something about being a smoker. I know smoking causes a lot of bad things, but I'm not entirely sure about depression. Don't be afraid to look into it, though.

[Trixsie Vixen]

Good luck with the anti-depressants!  There is usually a little period of unpleasant side-effects while you adjust.  In my experience not every type of anti-depressant is a good fit for every person so if it's not working out remember your Dr can try something else, it often takes the second or third try.

[Albie]

I agree with Ventus.  I made strides to improve things about myself.  It isn't easy, but I believe in you.