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Author Topic: Nobody cares...  (Read 640 times)

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Nobody cares...
« on: February 13, 2012, 08:05:23 PM »
*sigh* yes it is one of those "the whole world is against me" kind of days. My entire life I've never really been able to make an impact on anybody. I don't really seem to matter to anybody and it's like if i were to suddenly disappear, nobody would notice or care.
My friends certainly don't give a damn about me. Whenever we hang out they use me for entertainment until someone more interesting comes along and then it's like I don't even exist. They never call to see how I'm doing, it's always like I have to desperately vie for their attention like an annoying person... Whenever I'm in a group of friends if I say anything they either don't hear me or maybe pretend that I didn't say anything.
My family could care less about me. The only time my parents ever pay any attention to me is when I've done something wrong. They never really recognize any of my accomplishments or show that I can actuallyofo anything right. My relatives are always calling up my brother to see how he's doing, they send him gifts, want to spend time with him, you would think my parents have only one son...
*sigh* that's my useless whining for the day...
« Last Edit: February 13, 2012, 08:14:42 PM by KangaDrake »
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Offline Kamillex

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Re: Nobody cares...
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2012, 02:25:43 AM »
I get those days a lot too. If I truly feel like I'm being ignored or just not cared for by the people who should be doing so, I call them out on it. Especially with family and relatives. My relatives treat me like shit sometimes because I don't take after too much of my dad's side, but my sites does. I'll call them out on it, or even subtly protest them, if you're that rebellious :U I once refused a vacation they wanted me to go on because they were allowing my sister to get a lot of benefits like getting to bring her friends and getting money spent on her, and i only got to be a part of it. Getting treated by your family should be totally unacceptable. Its a real bad hit, and I wouldn't stand for it, and neither should you.


I also know exactly what you're talking about with the friend situation too. I get treated similarly all the time. Kinda being that one person in the group who doesn't really have a say in anything, or is just there to make jokes at n stuff. The only advice i can suggest for that is to get new friends. I don't know about you, but i'd rather be on my own than to be with fake friends. Its just a redundant disappointment continuing that way.


I hope you can use at least a little of this advice *hugs* c:

Offline thaos627

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Re: Nobody cares...
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2012, 10:19:16 AM »
I used to be severely depressed so I know where your coming from (actually, hooray for the furry forums because this site was what broke my 11 year long depression). You'd be surprised at how much of an impact you make, I used to play bass at a church & 1 day a bunch of people from the crowd came up & talked to me. Apparently someone in the church started a fan club for me (I'm still freaked out by it) & when I left the church to pursue my music career some of the people found my number & I'm still being begged to come back there.

I also was called up once by someone I never really knew, but he told me I helped him in school when some kids were being mean to him. Every little thing you do makes an impact, sure it probably won't change the world or end up in the news, but it means something to someone.

Heres an example: by you posting on this topic, it gave me the chance to feel useful by trying to help you & even if my words don't make sense to you, I was at least entertained by writing this.

There will always be people who pretend to be your friend or care about you, look on the positive side at least they're horrible at faking so its obvious. Not everyone is fake, some just may like stuff you have & can't resist messing with it so it seems like they're using you (you wouldnt think a baby is using you for your shiny rubber ball toy if it'd always want to play with it, would you?)
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Offline Joe King

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Re: Nobody cares...
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2012, 05:22:55 AM »
You seem to be suffering from "too smart for your immediate company" syndrome.  I know the feeling, in regard to both the friends and family situations.  It's frustrating to think that being intelligent and insightful is often the exact set of criteria for people who are often ignored.  Addressing the issue with your friends- I have always been in the same situation (and still am)- I'm the "plan B" when it comes to entertaining company, and nobody ever responds to what I have to say unless it's something stupid.  The fact is, people like you and I are prime targets for one-sided conversations.  I'm a good listener, and while no one verbally acknowledges that, it's become clear to me that a lot of my less intelligent friends find solace in being around me when they have something to talk about.  I don't know a damn thing about cars, and neither do any of a particular friend of mines aquaintences- but I'm the one who will listen to him ramble on about his day of work at the car dealership.  He doesn't realize how desperate he is to have someone to vent to, and he usually won't even entertain any conversation I try to start about something else.  But that's the nature of people who aren't intelligent, mature, or patient enough to be outwardly grateful for having someone like you or me to take their minds off of things.  They're not trying to be ignorant, they just get hung up on their own concerns- their brains don't have any room left to consider what you have to say with any importance.

But what they are aware of is that you're smarter than the average bear, and you'll listen when they need to talk.  When I speak up in a gathering of my friends, the problem isn't that nobody can hear me- or even that nobody cares- it's that none of them have anything intelligent to say in response.  And I'd be willing to bet that's a large part of the case with your friends.  My friends don't see it as insensitive to ignore my problems, usually because they know or assume that I'm smart enough to figure it out for myself.  It's like trying to bring up a discussion about religion at a superbowl party.  It just makes everyone uncomfortable to suddenly realize that- whether they wanted to discuss it or not- they don't have anything valuable to add to your thoughts on the matter.  The only thing a bunch of football-heads can think to do in that situation is just ignore you and hope you don't bring it up again.  And that's just one specific example.  The point is- your friends probably do value you and appreciate that you can listen and offer feedback on their thoughts and musings.  Otherwise, they wouldn't hang out with you at all (unless they're using you for money, weed, or food, but it doesn't sound like it's that kind of case).

As for your family, I'd be willing to bet the problem has similar roots.  Especially when it comes to parents- because after a certain age, most folks tend to be low on energy, and are only willing to expend it on harm-reduction.  When you do something wrong, it's an alert, and their "I need to fix this quickly and aggressively" sense is triggered.  When you're in the right, that's the time they use to relax, especially now that you're a young adult.  They may not realize that it comes across as insensitive and careless, but they want you to start acting independently, and deliberately, and not just for their praise, but for your own self-satisfaction.  I don't know what the situation with your brother is, but don't simply assume that everyone just thinks he's more interesting.  Maybe they're just more worried about him- maybe they get the impression that you're more self sufficient, but he might need a little more attention to keep him on track.  Like when someone owns a cat, and a dog.  They may not necessarily like the dog more, or think he's more interesting, but they know that if they don't take the cat for a walk, it's not going to get angsty and wreck the house.  If they don't buy a leash for the cat, the cat isn't going to run away and get lost, but the dog sure as hell will.  So in the end, the dog receives the majority of the attention and monetary investment, but it's only because the cat doesn't *need* it, and people only have so much money to spend, and only so much love to show.

People are only capable of engaging other people of similar intelligence, and people like you and I are a step above the average in that regard.  I can tell from the way you write, that you are a deep thinker, and a generous friend.  When you give what you can, and it's more than everyone else is able to return, it can seem like nobody appreciates your kindness, and your patience.  But consider how you would feel, being friends with someone who was always happy to listen, and who never made a fuss when you didn't have anything to say.  It would be easy to think only of yourself around that person, and hard to feel sorry for them if you knew just how smart and mature they were.  To blow them off in favor of finding a companion who was more your speed would seem a reasonable thing to do, and I'm certain you wouldn't hesitate to correct them when they were wrong.  Again, I don't know the entirety of the situation, and maybe your friends are just jerks- but it still makes things easier to swallow when you give people the benefit of the doubt.  And don't think you're looking down your nose at the world when you really are surrounded by ignorance.
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Re: Nobody cares...
« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2012, 01:23:06 AM »
You seem to be suffering from "too smart for your immediate company" syndrome.  I know the feeling, in regard to both the friends and family situations.  It's frustrating to think that being intelligent and insightful is often the exact set of criteria for people who are often ignored.  Addressing the issue with your friends- I have always been in the same situation (and still am)- I'm the "plan B" when it comes to entertaining company, and nobody ever responds to what I have to say unless it's something stupid.  The fact is, people like you and I are prime targets for one-sided conversations.  I'm a good listener, and while no one verbally acknowledges that, it's become clear to me that a lot of my less intelligent friends find solace in being around me when they have something to talk about.  I don't know a damn thing about cars, and neither do any of a particular friend of mines aquaintences- but I'm the one who will listen to him ramble on about his day of work at the car dealership.  He doesn't realize how desperate he is to have someone to vent to, and he usually won't even entertain any conversation I try to start about something else.  But that's the nature of people who aren't intelligent, mature, or patient enough to be outwardly grateful for having someone like you or me to take their minds off of things.  They're not trying to be ignorant, they just get hung up on their own concerns- their brains don't have any room left to consider what you have to say with any importance.

But what they are aware of is that you're smarter than the average bear, and you'll listen when they need to talk.  When I speak up in a gathering of my friends, the problem isn't that nobody can hear me- or even that nobody cares- it's that none of them have anything intelligent to say in response.  And I'd be willing to bet that's a large part of the case with your friends.  My friends don't see it as insensitive to ignore my problems, usually because they know or assume that I'm smart enough to figure it out for myself.  It's like trying to bring up a discussion about religion at a superbowl party.  It just makes everyone uncomfortable to suddenly realize that- whether they wanted to discuss it or not- they don't have anything valuable to add to your thoughts on the matter.  The only thing a bunch of football-heads can think to do in that situation is just ignore you and hope you don't bring it up again.  And that's just one specific example.  The point is- your friends probably do value you and appreciate that you can listen and offer feedback on their thoughts and musings.  Otherwise, they wouldn't hang out with you at all (unless they're using you for money, weed, or food, but it doesn't sound like it's that kind of case).

As for your family, I'd be willing to bet the problem has similar roots.  Especially when it comes to parents- because after a certain age, most folks tend to be low on energy, and are only willing to expend it on harm-reduction.  When you do something wrong, it's an alert, and their "I need to fix this quickly and aggressively" sense is triggered.  When you're in the right, that's the time they use to relax, especially now that you're a young adult.  They may not realize that it comes across as insensitive and careless, but they want you to start acting independently, and deliberately, and not just for their praise, but for your own self-satisfaction.  I don't know what the situation with your brother is, but don't simply assume that everyone just thinks he's more interesting.  Maybe they're just more worried about him- maybe they get the impression that you're more self sufficient, but he might need a little more attention to keep him on track.  Like when someone owns a cat, and a dog.  They may not necessarily like the dog more, or think he's more interesting, but they know that if they don't take the cat for a walk, it's not going to get angsty and wreck the house.  If they don't buy a leash for the cat, the cat isn't going to run away and get lost, but the dog sure as hell will.  So in the end, the dog receives the majority of the attention and monetary investment, but it's only because the cat doesn't *need* it, and people only have so much money to spend, and only so much love to show.

People are only capable of engaging other people of similar intelligence, and people like you and I are a step above the average in that regard.  I can tell from the way you write, that you are a deep thinker, and a generous friend.  When you give what you can, and it's more than everyone else is able to return, it can seem like nobody appreciates your kindness, and your patience.  But consider how you would feel, being friends with someone who was always happy to listen, and who never made a fuss when you didn't have anything to say.  It would be easy to think only of yourself around that person, and hard to feel sorry for them if you knew just how smart and mature they were.  To blow them off in favor of finding a companion who was more your speed would seem a reasonable thing to do, and I'm certain you wouldn't hesitate to correct them when they were wrong.  Again, I don't know the entirety of the situation, and maybe your friends are just jerks- but it still makes things easier to swallow when you give people the benefit of the doubt.  And don't think you're looking down your nose at the world when you really are surrounded by ignorance.
i'm not sure what I wrote to convince you I'm in any way smart, but I thank you for saying so. If I wasn't so afraid of sounding arrogant I'd say that I do feel that way :/ you talk, nobody listens. it is quite the tough life >.>
I used to be severely depressed so I know where your coming from (actually, hooray for the furry forums because this site was what broke my 11 year long depression). You'd be surprised at how much of an impact you make, I used to play bass at a church & 1 day a bunch of people from the crowd came up & talked to me. Apparently someone in the church started a fan club for me (I'm still freaked out by it) & when I left the church to pursue my music career some of the people found my number & I'm still being begged to come back there.

I also was called up once by someone I never really knew, but he told me I helped him in school when some kids were being mean to him. Every little thing you do makes an impact, sure it probably won't change the world or end up in the news, but it means something to someone.

Heres an example: by you posting on this topic, it gave me the chance to feel useful by trying to help you & even if my words don't make sense to you, I was at least entertained by writing this.

There will always be people who pretend to be your friend or care about you, look on the positive side at least they're horrible at faking so its obvious. Not everyone is fake, some just may like stuff you have & can't resist messing with it so it seems like they're using you (you wouldnt think a baby is using you for your shiny rubber ball toy if it'd always want to play with it, would you?)
there's really nothing that people can get from me, which is why I don't think I'm being used. at least I hope not... people are just frustrating I guess..
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Offline Joe King

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Re: Nobody cares...
« Reply #5 on: February 16, 2012, 01:51:28 AM »
Hey man, you are smart!  At the very least, it's obvious that you're the mature one among your friends- or maybe that's just the impression they get from you, even if they don't say it.  I don't know your IQ or anything, and maybe that much is average- but patient and mature people know when it's worth putting up a fight.  If you thought your friends would understand where you were coming from, you'd have told them exactly what you've told us.  That in itself is evident of the fact that you've got your head on straight, and I'm sure you must feel like you're often misunderstood.  Stupid people aren't usually misunderstood, they're just uninformed and ignorant.  I'm not saying your friends are dumb, or that you're a genius, but I know from experience that you wouldn't be having this problem if you weren't- comparitively- a little sharper than your usual company.  You give the impression of being a mentally stable, and not overly-sensitive person, even if you don't always feel that way.  People pick up on that, and tend not to feel bad ignoring you, because they assume you're not going to throw a fit (and they'd be right).  Even if you're not the sharpest tool in the shed, you are at least patient enough to put up with all this- and for that you should take credit where credit is due.
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Re: Nobody cares...
« Reply #6 on: February 16, 2012, 02:05:04 AM »
Hey man, you are smart!  At the very least, it's obvious that you're the mature one among your friends- or maybe that's just the impression they get from you, even if they don't say it.  I don't know your IQ or anything, and maybe that much is average- but patient and mature people know when it's worth putting up a fight.  If you thought your friends would understand where you were coming from, you'd have told them exactly what you've told us.  That in itself is evident of the fact that you've got your head on straight, and I'm sure you must feel like you're often misunderstood.  Stupid people aren't usually misunderstood, they're just uninformed and ignorant.  I'm not saying your friends are dumb, or that you're a genius, but I know from experience that you wouldn't be having this problem if you weren't- comparitively- a little sharper than your usual company.  You give the impression of being a mentally stable, and not overly-sensitive person, even if you don't always feel that way.  People pick up on that, and tend not to feel bad ignoring you, because they assume you're not going to throw a fit (and they'd be right).  Even if you're not the sharpest tool in the shed, you are at least patient enough to put up with all this- and for that you should take credit where credit is due.
my IQ is estimated at 120ish but I'm not sure I believe that XD I guess i am quite patient, I've been dealing with this crap for years and years
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Offline CormacCoyotecraft

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Re: Nobody cares...
« Reply #7 on: February 18, 2012, 09:08:31 PM »
Don't give up hope. Your family and friends are only a small proportion of the people in the world. Just because they don't pay attention to you doesn't mean you're forgettable, or worthless or anything else bad like that. There's countless people out there you've yet to meet, many of whom will appreciate Kangadrake for Kangadrake.


In fact, look here at your involvement in the forum. You have five pages of comments on your profile page of people who like you for who you are. You've even made such a good impression on someone that they said "thanks for being a good friend to me...."


In short, while it seems bad now, don't give up hope. I know it seems bad now, being the thick of such spurnful apathy, but there's better people out there. Don't worry. You'll meet them. You just have to keep an eye out.

 

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