I was JUST thinking this 5 minutes ago, lol. I understand exactly what your talking about. I just asked myself, "What is it going to take for me to be happy with the way I am on the outside?" And honestly, I dont know yet. I try to incorporate my fursona into everything I am. I want people to see him instead of me. Some people know who I really am underneath, but just having to work so hard for them to see it gets tiring. It's actually kinda funny...two days ago i saw a shooting star while driving home at 1 am, and I just wished that everyone looked like furries. Even I thought it was a ridiculous request, but I'm beginning to feel like that unless I look like my fursona, I'm going to be miserable the rest of my life...and I know that no matter what, unless I wear a ridiculous costume, I can never do anything about it.
I try quitting the fandom...and sometimes it works, but not for long. Without it I will admit I feel more "down to earth", but before I know it I'm depressed again. I come back to it and find some peace, but it's not all there knowing that what people see on the outside is completely different than what's going on on the inside. What ive been thinking now is that, I dont think we should care what other people see. The friends and people we meet in places like these can see what we are under the skin, and that should be good enough for us. But that emptiness will always be there, we just have each other with the same feeling to share it with, and that makes me feel a little better.